| A Time To Heal |
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I had lost twelve members of my family in the massacre
in Jonestown. On the fifteenth anniversary I reached the lowest point in my
life. It could have been so easy for me to give up and end it all, but because
of the incredible love and support from my family and Christian friends, I was
able to go on.
Three years later, as the eighteenth anniversary
approached, I decided I wanted to put all of my pain behind me. For once I
wanted to have some fun on that day, so when I saw an advertisement for a
Caribbean cruise, I knew I had to go. I felt it would be a source of healing
for me. God made it possible for me to go. I don’t know how he did it, because
I did not have a lot of money. I will always be grateful to him for making it
possible for me to have this wonderful experience.
I flew to the Miami Airport on November 16th. When the
pilot announced we were about to land, it dawned on me, this was the last place
I saw my mother and younger siblings alive. I had let them walk off that bus
and out of my life without a goodbye hug. The pain returned then, and then
again when I saw a sign for Guyana. As I walked onto that ship Sunday afternoon
on November 17th, I knew I needed this cruise. I was ready for some fun and
excitement.
The ship was on the Norwegian Cruise Line, larger and
more beautiful and exciting than I ever could have imagined. Since this was my
first cruise, I did not know what to expect. I was a little nervous because I
had watched the movie, Titanic, the
night before, and I did not know how to swim.
I was glad my cabin had a view of the ocean. It was
spectacular. I met my cabin mate, Marjorie, who informed me of a change in our
schedule. We were going to the Eastern Caribbean instead of the Western,
because of a hurricane or something. I have to admit I was a little
disappointed, but since I had not been to either one, it did not make much of a
difference. It was better to be safe than sorry.
Being at sea for three whole days was something else.
All you could see was water. I told someone I can see why God created the earth
and people, he got tired of looking at all that water.
It was good I had a conference to attend during that
time, because otherwise I would have been bored. I did not know anyone, and I
did not know all the things you could do on a ship. The conference was
informative and encouraging, it made me want to keep going with my writing.
I enjoyed the walking tours. I did not take the
organized ship tours, but instead stayed with my small group, which did our own
sightseeing. We got to move at our own pace and see what we wanted to see. I
have some beautiful memories of St. Thomas, San Juan and Great Stirrup Cay in
the Bahamas. I am a shy person, and sometimes I am amazed at the number of
people I have met and gotten to know.
The cruise, as the title of this article suggests, was
healing for me. God truly blessed me. He enabled me to put my pain behind me
and move on. I will never forget my family, but I will no longer be crippled
with pain and sadness. Instead I will rejoice in knowing that God not only wipe
away our tears in heaven, he does it here on earth. I will remember that cruise
as the time and place where my healing began.
I hear of people who have been through horrible things
in their lives, and they find it hard to move on from there. I believe you
eventually have to, otherwise you die. I do not mean a physical death – even
though sometimes that happens – but one that keeps you from moving on with your
life. That is no way to live.
You have to reach out to someone to help you with your
pain or take hold of something that will enable you to let it go and bring
happiness in your life again.
I do not have earthly riches or a family of my own,
but through Christ, I am content with my life and all he has and is giving me.
I have cast all my cares on him, because he loves me, and if my life can be an
encouragement to others, I pray to be used by God to do so. As I remember my
pastor saying, “Sometimes we have to shed tears to water someone else’s
garden.” My healing shows God is in control of my life, and he wants to be in
control of yours as well. It is a good time to heal. It is a good time to let
go of the sorrow and the tears. It is time to let others in. Forgive the ones
who have hurt you. You are not responsible for them, but you are responsible
for yourself and your own happiness.
Smile, take in all that the world has to offer. There
is so much to discover. As they say, “the world is your oyster,” and if you
look inside, you’ll find the pearl waiting for you.
(Hattie Newell is a regular contributor to the jonestown report. Her earlier articles appear here. She can be reached at hattien78@yahoo.com.)
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