{"id":107532,"date":"2020-12-10T09:37:03","date_gmt":"2020-12-10T17:37:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/?page_id=107532"},"modified":"2026-02-13T12:37:08","modified_gmt":"2026-02-13T20:37:08","slug":"i-cant-pretend-anymore","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/?page_id=107532","title":{"rendered":"I Can\u2019t Pretend Anymore"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wrote this song in the fall of 2020 for a podcast Shannon Howard<\/a> is putting together on\u00a0Peoples Temple. She had ask me to write something, and this is what I came up with. These were my feelings when I made up my mind to leave the Temple, after getting to the bottom of what Jim Jones was all about.<\/p>\nhttps:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/I-Cant-Pretend-Anymore.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n

I thought I found what I wanted in life but my hopes have faded away
\nI didn\u2019t know who you really are \u2018cause all that\u2019s left is pain
\nWhen the dream fell apart I knew I\u2019d have to choose
\nThen go with what I know and just deal with the truth
\nI can\u2019t ignore this cheatin and lyin you must think I\u2019m blind
\nI\u2019ve seen the string of heartless schemes too many times<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t pretend anymore
\nThat my eyes don\u2019t see
\nI can\u2019t pretend anymore
\nWhen all you do is deceive
\nI can\u2019t pretend anymore
\nIt\u2019s time for me to leave
\nI\u2019ve made up my mind
\nto bring this whole thing to an end
\nIt\u2019s over now I just can\u2019t pretend<\/p>\n

Empty broken promises that you\u2019ve tried to deny
\nYou know I know what\u2019s going on so don\u2019t act surprised
\nSave your lines for someone who don\u2019t know you\u2019ll wreck their life
\nThe love that once made me feel alive has finally died
\nAnd to think there\u2019s no limit to the things that you might do
\nBut when the word gets out on you you\u2019ll be the one to lose<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t pretend anymore
\nThat my eyes don\u2019t see
\nI can\u2019t pretend anymore
\nWhen all you do is deceive
\nI can\u2019t pretend anymore
\nIt\u2019s time for me to leave
\nI\u2019ve made up my mind
\nto bring this whole thing to an end
\nIt\u2019s over now I just can\u2019t pretend<\/p>\n

I still don\u2019t know what made me believe
\nI thought you were the one
\nBut I gotta get away from these memories
\nThose games you play just don\u2019t work on me<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t pretend anymore
\nThat my eyes don\u2019t see
\nI\u2019ve made up my mind
\nto bring this whole thing to an end
\nIt\u2019s over now I just can\u2019t pretend<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

River Dog Music
\nJack A. Beam
\nc BMI<\/p>\n

(Jack Arnold\u00a0Beam<\/strong> was a former member of Peoples Temple who left with his wife Cinthia in November of 1975, no longer wanting to be associated with Jim Jones who had turned into a despot. His other musical contribution for this year’s edition is Father Knows Best<\/a>. His previous writings for this site may be found\u00a0here<\/a>. He died in early January 2026.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wrote this song in the fall of 2020 for a podcast Shannon Howard is putting together on\u00a0Peoples Temple. She had ask me to write something, and this is what I came up with. These were my feelings when I made up my mind to leave the Temple, after getting to the bottom of what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"parent":111220,"menu_order":43,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-107532","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/107532","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=107532"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/107532\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":133695,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/107532\/revisions\/133695"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/111220"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=107532"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}