BB-1-i<\/p>\n
Thursday, July 27, 1978<\/p>\n
Dear Jim,<\/p>\n
I have done a letter reflecting since I got here. Before I came in, you asked me if I would ever leave. I said, “No.” You asked how I knew. I\u2019ve thought about it a lot and today I came to a conclusion which gave me some peace the more I reflected on it.<\/p>\n
I believe in Marxism and communism and being in this situation I am in now (and lifestyle), I am out of place. I don’t like it and would never fit into such hypocrisy. But I think Marxism is only as good as its leader and I believe totally in you. I never realized how much I believe in you in your example of communist leadership until I was forced to do some introspection and displaced in a countervailing atmosphere of anarchy and capitalism.<\/p>\n
It was important to me what you did on the radio that night when you risk your all to keep me from being what I saw myself as \u2013 an extendable piece of meat. I feel selfish and foolish on reflection, and an enormous amount of guilt that I would force you to risk our total organization on my behalf, but at the time I couldn’t see it. It was so easy for some to jump up and say “she has got to go in.” I knew the answer myself but I know I took the liberty no one should have taken and tested you. I am so ashamed to face it now. I hope you will forgive me. I don’t really know how you can stand us and more specifically me.<\/p>\n
I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things which are too numerous to mention. My attitude of self-importance when I came in and expecting the Georgetown office to call me when they are always so busy is disgusting.<\/p>\n
I think I have done my job better, perhaps that is because I have been working from a basis of guilt rather than any self-righteous attitudes.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I get a bit down but I think about the example of sacrifice you are and it gives me those temporary lifts. Thank you.<\/p>\n
Love, Paula<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
BB-1-i Thursday, July 27, 1978 Dear Jim, I have done a letter reflecting since I got here. Before I came in, you asked me if I would ever leave. I said, “No.” You asked how I knew. I\u2019ve thought about it a lot and today I came to a conclusion which gave me some peace […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"parent":113569,"menu_order":21,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-113628","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/113628","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=113628"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/113628\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":113629,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/113628\/revisions\/113629"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/113569"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=113628"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}