N-1-C-15a \u201315b<\/p>\n
Fuck up yeah I am and I’m fucked off prior to your departure last spring and too after you came over.<\/p>\n
I fucked w\/ a black woman I’ve known, had a relationship w\/ when I first joined the Temple. Intention: Then & later to get her & her children into church because I thought I dug her because she was independent. [Several lines scratched out] Rationalization was looking even good you ain’t fucked for 7-8 years so it’s ok to use someone.<\/p>\n
After you left there were two other women \u2013 one white and the other black that I met indirectly through the 1st woman. They were fucks no more no less \u2013 old man Lee seeing whether he could still function (not that I ever did) but the thought was there, “Look, nigger, you are getting old \u2013 the white woman was an object again to vent hostility, hostility for being, hostility for still being in the States.<\/p>\n
Also, I fucked off w\/ money I got on the streets & snatched bundles of SF Progress newspapers of street corners & cardboard out [of] Market trash bins & take to recycling place and get cash \u2013 turn in w\/\u00a0 exception of $2\u2013$3 which I’d use to get food.<\/p>\n
This went on once or twice a week for change for sodas & junk food (not every week or once was too much). I knew while I did all this shit that it would come back, though my ego\u2019s as broad as a barn, though I didn’t follow my conscience, it still fucked w\/ me. I mean I felt guilty but obviously the guilt didn’t motivate me. I was totally amoral and exercised no restraint during that period. Was I going to sell out for a fuck? No. And I wouldn’t now. Did I want the money \u2013 not really \u2013 why \u2013 and became a silly preoccupation & a [illegible word] away from responsibility.<\/p>\n
I felt shitty then and do now if that makes much sense \u2013 I mean going ahead and getting my rocks off at the expense of us. However I understand that I fucked things up for you in terms of dependency on black leadership in the States.<\/p>\n
I’m a putrid cocksucker \u2013 do I believe this? Yes, but I’m not going to allow it to immobilize me. This is a sad state of affairs for which I offer no apologies. I’ll just get on my job. I’m not arrogantly saying I don’t owe you one. On the contrary! It’s best I work!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
N-1-C-15a \u201315b Fuck up yeah I am and I’m fucked off prior to your departure last spring and too after you came over. I fucked w\/ a black woman I’ve known, had a relationship w\/ when I first joined the Temple. Intention: Then & later to get her & her children into church because I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"parent":88393,"menu_order":20,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-113913","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/113913","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=113913"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/113913\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":113914,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/113913\/revisions\/113914"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/88393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=113913"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}