If learning a new skill like healthy self-disclosure is like attempting a challenging recipe, then I have burned a lot of food. A key lesson in telling my story during the past 30 years is recognizing when it is more effective to share the facts or use a metaphor to communicate what I know. In portraying the church as an organization that that either slowly or quickly deteriorated, I reference the story of the two frogs and the pots of water. The first frog, dropped into a pot of hot water, recognized the danger and immediately jumped out. The second frog, not so lucky, was introduced into a pot of cold water; the pot was then slowly heated until the frog\u2019s brain, unable to discern the danger, was cooked to death. A universal lesson from the Peoples Temple experience \u2013 not just mine, but practically everyone involved \u2013 is that we can rationalize dysfunctional behavior and remain too long in a dangerous environment. The story of the two frogs illustrates the importance of recovering from being \u201cinstinct-injured.\u201d<\/p>\n
After telling my story and watching it boomerang and end weaken or end key relationships, I have developed a support system of healthy people where I can \u201ctry out\u201d new behaviors and received valuable feedback.<\/p>\n
I have worked since 1999 as a workplace mediator and ombudsperson in which I facilitate conflict resolution, often giving voice to the \u201cpink elephant in the room,\u201d so that a more level playing field between disputing parties can be achieved and, sometimes, amends can be made. The pink elephant can include a white male having little comprehension at how a woman of color could perceive his tone as condescending when he thought he was being matter-of-fact. I have hosted a public workshop entitled \u201cHow to Have a Crucial Conversation,\u201d which suggests the skills for discussing difficult issues so that relationships are strengthened. If learning about self-disclosure has been like trial and error for each of us, I bet our batches of burned food \u2013 as well as our success stories \u2013 all bear some resemblance. A large employer withdrew a written job offer but, six months later, another employer who had heard about my story, offered me employment.<\/p>\n
(Andy Silver is a former member of Peoples Temple, and is now a divorce and federal mediator in Charlotte, North Carolina. His complete collection of writings for <\/em>the jonestown report may be found here<\/a>. He may be reached at andy@resolutionexperts.com<\/a>.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If learning a new skill like healthy self-disclosure is like attempting a challenging recipe, then I have burned a lot of food. A key lesson in telling my story during the past 30 years is recognizing when it is more effective to share the facts or use a metaphor to communicate what I know. In […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"parent":30382,"menu_order":5,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-30335","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30335","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30335"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30335\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":57674,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30335\/revisions\/57674"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30382"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}