{"id":30341,"date":"2013-07-25T15:47:23","date_gmt":"2013-07-25T15:47:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/alternativejonestown.com\/?page_id=30341"},"modified":"2015-01-21T00:25:17","modified_gmt":"2015-01-21T00:25:17","slug":"tcarter","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/?page_id=30341","title":{"rendered":"Surviving My Survival"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"03-05-Carter,Tim\"<\/a>
Photo Courtesy of California
Historical Society, MSP 3800<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Writing this article has been incredibly difficult, much more so than I would have imagined, considering nearly 32 years have passed. In a way, though, it shouldn\u2019t have surprised me. It has almost always been harder to talk about the aftermath<\/i> of November 18 than the tragedy itself.<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean the loss of my family is any less painful. The horror of that day was a nightmare, but it didn\u2019t stop at nightfall on November 18. Instead, it continued for well over a year. Consider any of these: Returning to Jonestown in the first few days afterwards to identify bodies before they became unrecognizable in decay and putrification; being confined to the Park Hotel in Georgetown while waiting to be questioned at the official inquest about decisions and actions I had not been part of; arriving back in the US at JFK airport to be greeted by people separated from me by plexiglass, with them pounding on it, their faces contorted in hatred and anger; enduring 53 consecutive days of nightmares (yes, I counted); being named as a target of the grand jury investigation, which apparently made me fair game for clumsy, ham-handed police searches of my apartment in my absence; reeling from the additional deaths of my friend Mike Prokes by suicide and the still-unsolved murders of the Al and Jeannie Mills; and absorbing the ubiquitous references to \u201csheep\u201d and \u201ccrazy cultists,\u201d and the persistent lies and mischaracterizations in what was supposed to pass for responsible press coverage.<\/p>\n

Other survivors dealt with aspects of this too, I know. Because of who I was, though \u2013 Tim Carter, one of the three chosen to survive, one of the three upon whom suspicion falls from all quarters \u2013 I went through them all.<\/p>\n

I was simply in \u201csurvival\u201d mode for well over a year after Jonestown, and couldn\u2019t even begin anything that resembled a healing process. I nearly committed suicide twice after Jonestown. Looking back on it now, I\u2019m pretty sure if I had known just how hard<\/i> it was going to be, I may have chosen to leave my body.<\/p>\n

Let me be clear that if I had chosen such an action, it would have had nothing<\/i> to do with Jim Jones or \u201crevolutionary suicide.\u201d It would have had everything to do with a pain that goes beyond my capacity to articulate, either by written or spoken word. Let me also be very clear that I am quite happy I did not choose that course of action. I have many blessings, and much to be grateful for in my life.<\/p>\n

* * * * *<\/p>\n

I understand the phrase, \u201cdeath by a thousand cuts.\u201d A thousand examples of people\u2019s reactions to my brother and me \u2013 how people would look at us with loathing, hatred, or fear \u2013 would tax the reader\u2019s patience, maybe even raise doubts of their credulity. So let me give you one.<\/p>\n

I finally found a job through a temp agency in Boise, Idaho, first doing accounts receivable for a travel agency, and then promoted to a job as a travel agent after the owner got to know me. For the most part, the other agents and staff were very polite and cordial, and a couple were even warm. However, that wasn\u2019t the case for all of my co-workers.<\/p>\n

On my second day of full time work as a travel agent, I went downstairs to the accounting office to find that the primary accountant had not only moved her desk from its place near the door, but had it turned so she was facing the wall. Why? Because she didn\u2019t want to be seen when all the \u201ccrazy cultists\u201d came in to kill me, with \u201cmachine guns,\u201d no less. Two days later, she was gone. She had quit her job because I worked there.<\/p>\n

There would be no such thing as a normal life for a long, long time.<\/p>\n

I wish I could say that the general perception of survivors has changed significantly over the past 32 years, but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s the case. On the thirtieth anniversary, Time<\/i> Magazine ran an article in the online edition. In the middle of the page was a sidebar link to \u201cother whacko cults.\u201d<\/p>\n

In every interview I\u2019ve ever done, I\u2019ve asked the producer\/interviewer\u00a0 what their general impression were of the survivors as a group. Every time the answer is the same: They\u2019re much more intelligent \u2013 and\/or sensitive, and\/or self-aware, and\/or caring, and\/or articulate \u2013 than I ever imagined going into this.<\/p>\n

To this day, the general perception of former Peoples Temple members and survivors is still one that considers us as being less intelligent than the rest of the American population.<\/p>\n

And so it goes.<\/p>\n

(Tim Carter lived in Jonestown and escaped on the final day. His complete collection of stories for <\/i>the jonestown report may be found here<\/a>.)<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Writing this article has been incredibly difficult, much more so than I would have imagined, considering nearly 32 years have passed. In a way, though, it shouldn\u2019t have surprised me. It has almost always been harder to talk about the aftermath of November 18 than the tragedy itself. That doesn\u2019t mean the loss of my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"parent":30202,"menu_order":4,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-30341","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30341"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30341\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":62660,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30341\/revisions\/62660"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}