![\"30](\"http:\/\/jonestown.sdsu.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/03-00-hands1.jpg\")
Some people wear their smiles like a disguise. Those people, who smile a lot, watch their eyes. I know \u2018cause I\u2019m like that a lot. You think everything\u2019s ok, and it is\u2026\u2019til it\u2019s not.<\/p>\nSome people wear their smiles like a disguise. Those people, who smile a lot, watch their eyes. I know \u2018cause I\u2019m like that a lot. You think everything\u2019s ok, and it is\u2026\u2019til it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n
Ani Difranco<\/i><\/p>\n
When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the spirit laughs for what it has found.<\/p>\n
Anonymous<\/i><\/p>\n
God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain.<\/p>\n
C.S. Lewis<\/i><\/p>\n
It has been thirty years since the loss of my family in the massacre in Jonestown, Guyana on November 18, 1978. There have been a lot of tears shed in my life since that fateful day. I have heard that the story of Jonestown is dead, but I do not agree with that and neither does the History Channel. They rebroadcast a program a lot. I feel that everyone should remember what happened on that horrible day when more than nine hundred precious souls lost their lives in the sweltering heat of that jungle by a man we called \u201cFather.\u201d<\/p>\n
Many lives have been lost in cults since the incident in Jonestown, Guyana: there was the incident with the Branch Davidians on April 19, 1993 in Waco, Texas with their leader, David Koresh; and Heaven\u2019s Gate on March 23, 1997 with Marshall Applewhite. People \u2013 especially those who are spiritually illiterate \u2013 need to know they are vulnerable to false leaders.<\/p>\n
People who are lonely or misunderstood by family members or church people are also at risk. When their hearts are hurting and they have no one to turn to for help or comfort, they will take the hand of anyone who reaches out to touch them with love and ease their pain.<\/p>\n
You may be wondering how I survived the massacre. I believe it was the providence of God. I tried on three separate occasions to go to Jonestown. I wanted to be with my mom, but when Jim Jones\u2019 staff approached him about it, he said, \u201cNo, let her stay there and continue the work she is doing, let someone else take her place.\u201d Someone else did take my place, but I am reminded of the One who truly did take my place. Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n
I became part of this infamous cult group and it cost me everything. I did not turn to the One who could have helped with my problem. Using my own efforts, I tried and I failed. It took a while to believe that Jesus would help me after I had listened to Jim Jones all those years. I remembered that there is a God in heaven who hears and answers prayers, a God who loves me so much, He sent His Son to die on a cross for all of my sins.<\/p>\n
I remember Jim Jones saying there is no God up in the sky to answer your prayers. I remember Jim Jones saying I am the god who will provide all of your needs. I half-heartedly believed him and sometimes I stopped praying. How foolish was that? How could I have believed a man like Jim Jones could ever be God?<\/p>\n
I can smile again, I do not know how, but the one thing that has made is easier is my trust in Jesus who said, \u201cCast all your cares on me, for I care for you\u201d (1 Peter 5:7). I pray that you and your loved ones are kept away from cult leaders and false preachers like Jim Jones. Yes, even though Jonestown itself is dead, cults are alive and well, and they are actively seeking someone to devour. I pray that your eyes and ears will be open and alert to those wolves in sheep clothing.<\/p>\n
My life changed in 1982. I became friends with a Christian lady who lived in my complex, and she invited me to church with her. One night two ladies from the church came to visit me and shared the Four Spiritual Laws tract with me. They asked me which throne represented my life, the one with me on it or the one with Jesus on it; I said the one with me; and they asked which one I wanted to represent my life; and I said the one with Jesus on it. I prayed and invited Jesus into my heart and my life has never been the same. He has forgiven me of my sins and given me a new life. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, \u201cIf any man be in Christ, he is a new creature, old things have passed away, behold all thing have become new.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was still struggling with a decision I had made in my past, and every time Pastor Rob preached on that subject I cringed. I wondered if God had really forgiven me. One night during the Christmas season I came home from church and a musical angel figurine had fallen off the table and the wings had broken off. There was no way it should have fallen. I looked at it and smiled, almost laughing, because Satan\u2019s hold on me was broken and I was free. God had forgiven me and I had forgiven myself, and from that point on I did not feel condemned. God convicts us of our sins so we can repent; Satan condemns us of our sins so he can destroy us.<\/p>\n
God also helped me forgive those who hurt me. I heard this quote on Oprah, \u201cBeing unable to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.\u201d\u00a0 That is so true: you cannot hold onto anger, bitterness and hatred and not have it affect you. Jesus says in Matthew 6:15, \u201cBut if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.\u201d Psalm 66:18 says, \u201cIf I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.\u201d I want God to hear and answer my prayers.<\/p>\n
I have experienced sexual abuse, deception and the murder of my family. I had to learn how to trust and believe in God and man again. It was not easy to let someone into my life after experiencing so much pain and heartache, but with the Lord\u2019s guidance I have been able to put the pieces of my life back together again. It took many years and the love of many people to accomplish this difficult task.<\/p>\n
For a number of years I concealed my participation in Peoples Temple. It wasn\u2019t until 1985 that I told someone I had been involved with Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple. I was not sure how they would react, but all I received was love, and from that time until now I have shared my testimony on national television, church services, youth, singles and women\u2019s retreats.<\/p>\n
When I joined my current church, one of my brothers said you are again following a man like you did with Jim Jones. I said, no I am not, I am following Jesus Christ. The lessons I have learned are to know who I believe in, what I believe, why I believe it, how to find the answers and when to walk away. If you are in a church and something does not look right or sound right, you have to question it and inquire about it to make sure it is not something that will harm you or your family.<\/p>\n
The thing that has made it easier for me to survive is my friends, and my five brothers. I still get sad on the anniversary date, especially during the holidays, because I miss my parents and other siblings.<\/p>\n
Yes, there will still be storms and tears in my life and some in yours as well, but as far as I can see, it is better to be in the boat during the storm with Jesus than \u201csafe\u201d on the shore without Him. Read the words of this song. I cried all the way through it, knowing what Jesus did for me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m Amazed\u201d<\/p>\n
No one knew how alone I was feeling
\nAnd the emptiness I tried so hard to hide
\nThough I laughed and said my life was fine without You.
\nI was covering up the secret tears I cried
\nThen one day someone told me of Your mercy
\nAnd the love You showed on a hill called Calvary
\nThere you died and purchased my redemption
\nWhen you broke sin\u2019s power and set my spirit free<\/p>\nI\u2019m amazed that You love me
\nI\u2019m amazed how You care
\nThrough Your precious blood
\nI\u2019ve found pardon
\nAnd my sins are washed,
\nThey\u2019re all washed away
\nAll my sins are washed away<\/p>\nIt\u2019s true there have been days when I\u2019ve failed You
\nLord, You know the many times I\u2019ve gone astray
\nBut I\u2019ve learned that Your love is stronger than my weakness
\nAnd your ear is open every time I pray
\nNo one else has ever cared for me like You, Lord
\nOther friends could never be as close to me
\nI\u2019m not afraid to face the problems of tomorrow
\nKnowing You are everything I\u2019ll ever need<\/p>\nI\u2019m amazed that You love me
\nI\u2019m amazed how You care
\nThrough Your precious blood
\nI\u2019ve found pardon
\nAnd my sins are washed,
\nThey\u2019re all washed away
\nAll my sins are washed away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nSong written by Carol Cymbala. Lyrics used by permission from ICG Copyright.<\/p>\n