Entering my Third Trimester of Life
MY THIRD TRIMESTER OF LIFE
Today, I begin my last third of my life. I know it will be astounding, as the others have been.
My first segment was my formative time – growing up, emerging from my mother’s womb and
her day-to-day nourishment. And, it included my entering into the unknown while trying to find myself
– and barely surviving the deaths in Jonestown, Guyana. These were my formative years. I learned
about the person my mother trained me to be, and then I learned to be strong enough to survive an
unimaginable experience and keep going.
The second trimester, I went into hiding. I moved into another community/commune with its
own culture and rules. I healed there with their protection and nurturing. I was loved and was able to
love again. I met my wonderful husband of 32 years there, and my astounding son was born. During
that trimester, Synanon self-destructed, but it had given me time to re-group. In 1990, I went to work
on myself. I went back to school and got my BA in Philosophy/Psychology, and then my California Clear
Multiple Subject Credential. I started working as a Bilingual Teacher.
By 1998, the 20th and my profession were pillars that gave me strength. I returned to renew my relationships with
other survivors and family members of both survivors and victims of Jonestown. We gathered at the
anniversary and in many other settings, and pieced together the details of what we each knew. That
was and is very much a part of my healing. Together, we entered into the murky waters of discovery.
How had Jonestown happened on our watch?
My own healing took many small steps. I first had to feel whole, outside of the experience.
Next, I had to acknowledge that I was strong, and made stronger by my survival. Then, I had to
reconnect with my beloved friends and join with them to figure out what happened. And, finally, I had
to and have to admit that my whole journey in Peoples Temple makes up a huge part of the person I am
today.
In 2010, I published my book JONESTOWN SURVIVOR: An Insider’s Look. That, too, was very
much a part of my healing. As I wrote it, I could empty out parts of my soul. It was cleansing. In a more
physical way, it allowed me to move on somewhat. I had been selective about who I would open up to.
Over the years, I had many good friends who knew nothing about my involvement in Peoples Temple.
I was not ready to discuss it. I just couldn’t. When I did “open up” the flood gates, I felt enormous
pressure to tell every last detail to justify my role and to even explain why I loved it and would not
have left Jonestown. And, after a telling, I was very critical of my attempt, questioning if I had included
enough. Once I wrote my book, I could accept that if I missed a detail, and if a person were curious, it
was all in there. It was a huge relief. I furthered my own recovery by going public. In the past years,
I have been in documentaries, on radio, television, and internet programs, and in many universities,
libraries, Quaker venues, book stores, and other settings.
Now, in 2014, as I retire from my teaching profession, I am ready. My final words to my
students were, “Finish your education by working as hard as you can, work for Justice and human rights,
and travel.” I may have finished my formal education. But, I will continue to work for human rights and
travel. My own path also includes more Peoples Temple work. I will continue on Oral History recordings
of survivors and those who are part of the history of Peoples Temple. I will do that to honor those who
died because they envisioned a racism-free world and were working to create it.
I have never been prepared to anticipate where my leading will take me. I rejected the most
direct path all too often, to make my own. No doubt, I’ll continue to do that.
anniversary of Jonestown, I had a stable life – my family, my education,