Q994 Transcript

Transcript prepared by Fielding M. McGehee III. If you use this material, please credit The Jonestown Institute. Thank you.

To read the Tape Summary, click here. Listen to MP3 (Pt. 1Pt. 2).
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Jones: I will not be taken by surprise again. Never. I’m so completely aware. Not minding living, enduring it for the sake of some mother who said uh, may you live long, Father. What she was saying was, may my protection live long. The sweet little lady that uh– that she could kill when she sees some of the things that I go through. And she wished me a long life, so that she would have protection while she lived. For that reason, I endure. But some of you are so absolutely stupid, your elitism is stupid, you make– you– you’re stupid, you haven’t changed. And I see you haven’t changed. And because I don’t tell you you haven’t changed doesn’t mean I don’t know you haven’t changed.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: And I observe you so caustically, that before I see any more hell for this place, I’ll take you with me. I– Now don’t underestimate– don’t underestimate me. Please don’t. Difficult enough to live all day long, when you see absolutely all there is to life, and know that they add up to zero, when you’re a principle-bearer. When you live for what you believe, and never betray, never let down anyone who trusts you, who looks to you. It’s tough enough. And it’s extremely difficult because some people absolutely, absolutely all the time trying games. You don’t know who you’re talking to. The person you are talking to may have been sent there by me. You don’t know a thing of what you’re doing. You don’t know how many I’m watching now. I don’t mind. Hell, life is difficult enough, because I’m tried of seeing little ladies like this hurt. (Pause) You understand what I mean?

Crowd: Murmurs.

Jones: Do we understand each other clearly?

Crowd: Murmurs.

Jones: So don’t think that the old man is asleep. You go by and you– you look at him out of the side of your– your eye to see if he watches you. He isn’t missing a thing. [He] Knows where you are all the time. I hope you’re enjoying your toes, over there. I don’t. (Pause) Keep your hands off your toes in this meeting. (Pause) If there’s anything in your toes, we’ll find it later, in the medical meeting or someplace. Don’t be picking your toes, not in here. I don’t give a damn, but that’s arrogance. Which leads to problems, of arrogance for others and anarchy for others. And anarchy leads to my little ladies like that worrying about whether they’re gonna be protected. And of course, I know some children don’t care, because they’re arrogant, too. But some children do. Some children forget how dangerous it is out there, without somebody that is so committed as Father. Some people forget mistakes more quickly than I do. I won’t forget. Not until you change. Then I completely forget. Others will remember it and use it against you when they’re doing something. But when you change, I completely forget. But when you haven’t, fucker, I’m watching you. I’m watching you, and next time, ain’t gonna be no tomorrow. I mean that. Don’t pull no shit with me. Don’t slip any kind of shit. I’m onto you. I’ve got revolutionary committees on to you. I’ve got a defense for the revolution here, because a few more weeks, and future can be bright for our children. I don’t give a goddamn. I don’t give a continental shit, personally. But I care a lot about those out there. So much that some of you aren’t able to care at all. Goddamn, I’ve been on the line so many times here in the past days, for other people, not knowing whether tomorrow came, because I was committed to see that nobody was drug ass out of here. Now some of you don’t identify with that. Your tomorrows come and you go, because you don‘t have yourself intricately connected with anybody else. You’re not connected. You never get– you never get concerned that much with anybody else. Some of you do. You make uh, hope at least for tomorrow. I’d like to say to you, if you cause me any difficulty at all, you better talk more, you better stay away from other people that’ve caused trouble. And you better get yourself up here in the front line, so I can watch you. And you better not object to that. Because some of you motherfuckers nearly destroyed this organization.

Crowd: That’s right.

Jones: You nearly caused a thousand deaths.

Crowd: That’s right.

Jones: So goddamnit, you deserve to let your life be tested. I didn’t need mine tested. I’ve had all kinds of tests, and each of you compound me– my test over and over again, by your own bullshit. Some are hiding behind no poles, better get your face out here, because I’m watching you, ‘cause some of you fuckers tried to kill me.

Crowd: That’s right.

Jones: I mean, literally. I know when you did it. I know when you tried to kill me, fucker. And you know who I’m talking to. I know when you tried to do it. I’m warning– I’m aware of you fuckers. Anybody else’d cut your throat. So to watch you they cut your throat.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: So I– I’m gonna take a healthy look. But quit underestimating me. You may not believe in anything, but one goddamn thing you want to believe in, that this mind is more prepared to know what the hell’s going on than anybody. ‘Cause he doesn’t trust anybody.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: I don’t trust one mother fucker. I trust communism, and I trust no motherfucker, and listen, Mr. Chaikin, little Chaikin, you be listening to me. I’m tired of you looking down. You’re a participant here, you’re not an elite. So you keep your head up this way. I don’t miss one goddamn thing. I want you just to please realize that. (Pause) Contrary to uh, those who are selfish and narcissistic, who may question my direction, I’ve got my direction completely, because I have no ambition, no self-image to maintain. President, the dear lady said. (Scoffs) I couldn’t even relate to it. Who would want to be president? Who would want to sell out. You have to sell out to be president. I don’t see a political system today that you don’t have to sell out too much for Jim Jones. I don’t have– I don’t have any ambition for any of it. It’s all way, way gone. All gone. I can’t relate to it at all. No effort for me to give it up, because I wouldn’t want it. I wouldn’t want to relate to the kind of people you have to relate to. The news over the– over the radio, they gave us just a little bit ago, that Congress just sided, in spite of being a Democratic Congress, just sided with big business, totally, to deprive black people, poor people of their rights. It said it just– the headlines of the Chronicle, which of course we know how– how marvelously truthful that paper is. So it’s probably even worse that they tell it. That the special interest, [Ralph] Nader said, and of course they went along and said a few remarks about Nader, but Nader said the special interests have taken over the country, and that there’s just no hope for the poor man anymore, there’s no hope that he’s gonna get his way or his rights, because no one gives a damn, they don’t give a care. And Congress, even though it’s Democratic, has aligned itelf with the worst interests of corrupt right-wing elements and big business. So, Jesus Christ, who would want to do that? I can’t imagine anybody who’d want to live in America and turn on the TV and know that you were participating with it.

But some of you have the problem. (Pause) Some of you have a problem that you miss things that are in the United States. I don’t miss anything. Nothing but a graveyard. I don’t miss a goddamn thing. And so, I don’t know how to relate to you people. That makes me very, very sound, and you are the one that’s going to have to prove your stability. ‘Cause I’m very stable. I have no need for anything. Absolutely nothing. You have needs. So watch out. I’ve got you– I’ve got an advantage on you. I may not be as uh, good-looking, I may not be as educated, I may not be as young, but I’ve got an advantage on you. I’m in a place of consciousness that you are not. I need nothing. Nothing. I got a whole lot of people that need me. That makes me very, very responsible, ‘cause I care more than anybody ever has cared.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: No question about that, don’t even need to debate it, don’t care whether you agree, I know. I’ve watched people. I’ve watched all the experiments of time. I’ve watched the people who’ve come and gone on the human (tape distortion for one word). I’ve watched those who’ve led, even this great man, uh, George Jackson, that uh, caused many a poet– to poetries to come forth and writings. I appreciate that. But he said, I love my brother more than I love myself. And I thought, uh-oh, George, you and I are millions of miles apart. That was– uh, you lost me there. You did a great thing, but you shouldn’t’ve said I love my brother better than you love yourself. ‘Cause I don’t relate to that love of self. That’s a bullshit thing out of a Christian consciousness. ‘Cause you shouldn’t love yourself. Shouldn’t love yourself at all. I know Western psychology says you should, but I say you shouldn’t love yourself. When I see a totally indulgent people that do love themselves. I don’t love myself. That makes me what– That’s why I’m so critical of myself. I don’t love the manifestations of selfishness I see. And that’s why I’m so critical of you. Now I know Western civilization says you’re supposed to come to terms with yourself and love yourself, otherwise you’ll disintegrate. That (tape distorts) pablum. Now will you give me a microphone, darling, that will work here, because something’s going wrong with this every time I turn it. And I have to hold it just right. Uh–

That’s pablum. Pablum for weak people, who say they have to have uh, a self-image, they’ve got to love themselves. They got to believe in themselves. I don’t believe in nothing except communism, and none of us come up to the standard of communism. I’m the closest to it. Not a one of you come up to it. You sing a song, “I’m a Socialist today,” I want to puke. You’re not a socialist today. There’s not a handful of socialists in here today. One thing you ought to be singing, you don’t ever want to sing, ”I need you, Father, I need you.” ‘Cause you don’t know how, you don’t know how to make it. You don’t know a fuck about socialism. One young woman got up and said socialism in Russia and China (unintelligible word) disappear. She was so right. The air of the place where you’re not is always brighter to so many of you. In Russia, it’d be wonderful. In Cuba, it’s ideal. Back in America, you couldn’t make it. You can’t make it. You gone cause trouble for everybody. You’re gonna cause trouble and get trouble, in the end, won’t be able to endure it. If I let you do your thing, you’d hurt your own– your own children, you’d kill ‘em. You’d destroy your own companions, and then finally when you were about to be destroyed, you couldn’t stand it, you’d fall apart, because you’d be so self-indulged. So you need me, fucker.

And I don’t care whether you recognize it or not. We’re on this little mountain now, and uh, what principle has brought together, let no man tear asunder. Because we have to save, there’re a lot of folk who are having a hell of a lot of tump– trouble. Lots of trouble. Being harassed, our dogs being shot and poisoned. I don’t burden you with every fucking thing. Mean, mean motherfuckers. Now some folk want out of that shit are begging, who can be next, who can be– I have to go over the list tonight, till it’s painful to decide who can come and who can’t come now, and who must come first and who must not. That’s real rough. While I have to watch you fuckers. Boy, talk about living life. Wanting to commit suicide. Now that– that was– that was bad enough, I had that 25 years ago, but now I gotta live life and watch sneaks, pricks. Bad enough to wanting to commit suicide, and then have to watch a bunch of sneaks all the time. Keep your eye on them every fuckin’ goddamn minute. Don’t you worry, I haven’t lost my mind. You’ve lost yours. That’s why I have to watch you. You’ve lost your fucking mind. Selfish. Indulged. You never change. You refuse to make any– any conditions, whereby you will change. You have com– comforts that others don’t have, and you feel all right about it. Never bothers you. You have conveniences, and you take them, and it never once comes to you, that you have no right to them. In fact, you ought to be kissing the dirt, because you’ve done so much to hurt. Very strange. Very strange how some people keep their conceit. I’m surrounded with them. Conceited people. People who forget medicines, and so vital to the– medicine so vital that to our people here with seizures, that today we find ourselves with no medicines. Elitist, insensitive people. God damn. It’s a good thing I love you. It’s a good thing I love you, I’d kill some of you.

Today, one brother has two seizures because no Dilantin. And what the hell is this. And people want to make a big issue about open sores, the poor sores, we’re not getting enough bandages, and not enough gauzes. Well, who pays for that shit? Somehow, the medical system’s priority is poor. Worrying about gauzes, when you can learn a few sanitary methods that can clean the sores and they’ll heal without expending all the gauzes. Somehow, your priorities stink. Because you can forget Dilantin and worry about gauzes. Somehow, you make me sick. I don’t know why. Shit, I could go into every department and probe it open like a cancer. Sick. Where do we go from here. Got no place to go. Any thing– Any kind of retreat would be uh, destruction to every soul that may be out there that’s like a Jonathan– like a Jonathan Jackson trying. There’s one thing that’s been able to keep Dennis Banks’ world together, and he’s about to fall apart now, about to simply fall apart because of all the conniving elements, the Treasury Department’s on his ass, and the Governor [Jerry] Brown even spoke out on his behalf and then was backed off in a corner, Governor Brown said I have absolute information that he’s in the– he is in the most dangerous position in America, and uh, that he has been– tried to be used, evidently he was referring to us, as a part of a conspiracy against others who were sensitive to human beings, and they backed him off in a corner, the attorney general [Evelle Younger], the courts, whipped him back, and the FBI and everybody whipped him back, until he said, Dennis, we are hardly a– hardly able to hold on, the one thing he held on to was my promise. And what’s my promise? Not for you to know, fucker. ‘Cause you’re liable to go over the hill, and I don’t want to have to kill you.

Crowd: Right. (Applause)

(tape edit)

Jones: –(unintelligible word) stern. I have to be stern. And I don’t believe you love. I don’t give a shit whether you do or not. I’ve proven my love. What have you done lately, fucker? That’s already an established fact. I don’t give a shit whether you believe in my love or not. I don’t give a fuck. That’s like a little dog baying at the moon. See, I’m completely aware of myself and know where I fall short, and that I fall short of communism, but you fall much further short than I. And I look out there, and I look at some of you talking about me, and thinking about me in your minds, ‘cause I get in your swamp of mind occasionally, and it’s like a little dog baying at the moon. That’s about where you got any right to be baying at me. You have so little right to be working on me. When you start working on yourself, fucker, I’ll be glad to get all of your helpful hints. Myriad pages of how to improve everything in this whole cotton-pickin’ community. We can improve everything but yourself. I say, if you want to send us a– any instruction, please put a criticism. You think anybody can remember that? Two days. Two days, they remember it. And after two days, nobody can think of one goddamn word to criticize themselves. Everything wrong with the blu– fucking place, but nothing wrong with them.

Well, as I said, I know what’s wrong with me, and I sure know what’s wrong with you. And I just wanted to clear up the air. ‘Cause I’m watching these days. Don’t pull no shit. Because I’m ready for it now. I’ve come too far, been through too much hell, had hell up to my neck, don’t start no shit. I watch your racism and your stand-offishness, I watch your family clannishness and how you pull apart, I watch what you think you got in reserve, and I know what you want to do, I know you are American sell-out, I know you one of them Yankee pigs. I know you really want to be out there in that pigsty. And I’m watching you. And I don’t have no respect for Yankee pigs. Just as soon cut their throat and roast ‘em.

Crowd: Murmurs.

Jones: How quiet it gets, ‘cause you know I got your number tonight.

Crowd: Right. (Scattered applause)

Jones: How quiet it gets.

(tape edit)

Jones: –Like all those folks that’ve done what they’ve done in Bolivia, and what they’ve done to George Jackson and Jonathan Jackson. And I don’t like those fuckers. And I don’t like anybody that associates with them. If you’re in a pigsty, you want to be in a pigsty, you deserve to be roasted.

Crowd: Murmurs.

Jones: And all you crazies. I want to say something to all you crazies. You fucking manipulating crazies. Ain’t no such thing as crazy. We’ve proved that today with one of you over there. How well you can work, when by God, you know somebody gonna give you a karate punch in your gut. Crazy, bombed-out, don’t know shit, and talking to uh– and hearing voices, and then all of a sudden, the voices stop. When you see that shotgun, your fucking voices stop. Fuck these crazies. I don’t believe in you crazies. You’re selfish, Momma’s little pets. Little white ass. I’m on to your games, so cut your crazy shit. Don’t go– nobody go crazy, don’t nobody go apeshit. We got one black lady and one white brother that’s wants to go crazy all the time. Honey, I ain’t gone let you go crazy. Said she tried to go crazy the other day, and got terribly, terribly sick. And you’re gonna get sicker, too. You’re gone get sick every time you try to go crazy. Every time you do some mean shit, you’re gonna get a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more. ‘Cause I can move on every level. It is a terrible way for a loving father to have to talk. But it’s also terrible– It’s also so goddamn terrible that this– this medical department would set ass and not have any medicines in here for seizures. Hmm. Well–
(Tape edit)

Jones: –any number of things. Also terrible as the sister here. I don’t know what the– if it’s as it is. I just wanted to say a few words, ‘cause sometimes you think oh, I know only what I– what I read in the papers, these little notes. I just wanted to set your mind at ease. Ain’t one of you I’m not on to. You’re quiet, and you’re silent, and you smile. I was eating tonight, and one woman that was trying to watch what I was eating. You won’t even let me– You won’t even let me sit all the way over, you watch. You want to see– I eat once a day, dear. If you want to come over and put your nose in it, you can smell it. I eat once a day. And I was glad to do that less than that, ‘cause I’m not worth a meal, neither are you.

Crowd: Right. (Scattered applause)

(tape edit)

Jones: –hours of sleep last night and over, and I finally give up on it, ‘cause folk come up with every little thing in the world, and some of the things were important, and some things weren’t, but I treated everybody the same way. I was not short with the individual. You didn’t find anybody short– that I was short with yesterday. And today, I have a little pyloric distress and a little blood sugar problem, I got a pyloric uh, growth that I’ve been fighting with for a while, and spasms or whatever in the hell it is, that kinks when I get it a certain state of tension, then everything backs up so I taste every filthy thing that should be digesting. Even stuff in my bowel tastes like– So it doesn’t make life the most uh– the most enjoyable, but my mind is very alert, because I love you. And I never get in too much pain that I don’t love you. In spite of the fact that some of you sleep here when you’re not sick at all. Now shift yourself so you can wake up. Shift yourselves so you can wake up. We start the meeting with a complaint, some of you start complaining right off the meeting, and then sleep the rest of the meeting. (Pause) Now you can be seated. (Pause) When she uh, comes, she’d been on–

(tape edit)

Jones: –living in it. And if you wa­– want to know if somebody’s watching you, yes. Somebody’s watching you. And you ain’t doing nothing, you ain’t got nothing to worry about.

Crowd: That’s right.

Jones: ‘Cause people watching me all day long, as I said, they would be over here, down the road, thinking– acting like they’re doing something, cleaning around, but they’re watching and trying to see what’s in my plate. So if people watching me, why shouldn’t they watch you?

Crowd: That’s right. (Scattered applause.)

Jones: When you’re doing nothing wrong, won’t bother you. I don’t seem to find Eddie Washington’s uh, little note here. Got all my shit together, except these notes. Some note. It’s a little note.

(tape edit)

Jones: –all the fucking time, no work, I never see him. Where– where– where’s (unintelligible name). She’s sick. She’s sick, she’s sick, ’cause she got an education, she can afford to be sick. Some of these other poor people never been able to read or write, they never get sick. She got a little education, think– she thinks she’s a little more important than somebody else, so she can get sick every time she wants to get sick. Fuck you, elitist. God damn you, I never– never allow myself to get sick. If I’m pitching vomit or it’s coming out both ends, I get to where I’m supposed to be. I work all night. Everybody down there can tell you, they can hear me roaming around, they can see my light reading, look in the goddamn window, which they do many times, so you can see what’s going on, so I don’t mind that, friend, I’m gone tell you. I keep my schedule, fucker. I don’t change my schedule for nobody, fucker. And some of you who think you are so special, goddamn you, that you can stay out of meetings and do whatever the hell you want to, and not show up for work, you’re always sick. You’re sick. I tell you what your sickness is, you’re a prejudiced bastard that thinks you’re better than somebody else.

Crowd: Calls and applause.

Jones: (Voice climbs throughout) Shit. You’re a crock of shit, like everybody else. Nothing but a zero, but some of you never will know it, because– I don’t know how in the hell you think you’re so fucking pretty. (Pause) And some of you try treason on the strangest people. Goddamn, you don’t know. You’re so fucking ugly, some of you, and you– I don’t know– You’re– you’re uglier than I am, and you try treason. Think that you’re gone get by with it, think I’m not on to your number. Hell’s fire. You don’t know who you’re fucking with. They say something to you to get you to say something. You don’t know what they’re up to. They’re baiting you, fucker, dumb fucker, stupid fucker, I’ve told them to go over there and talk to you, you stupid fucker, and some of you are so narcissistic, you fall right into the path. You open your mouth and sing like a magpie, and I got what I already expected, I thought you was a traitor, and I still think you’re a traitor, and you’ll always be a traitor until I see you change, you motherfucker.

Crowd: Applause

(tape edit)

Jones: –be watching you. I don’t care. You do like for me to see that you get medical care when you’re sick. Goddamn, you like that. You like me to send you to all these specialists and worry about you, until I can’t have any peace, worrying whether they– I’m gonna get the cancer healed by my, whatever the fuck the thing is, this extra power that I have. And then get ‘em all healed in a row, and one right after another this week. Next week, you say, oh, it’s gone be easy. Aw, shit, though, I know too much about myself to know it’s gone be easy. But I’m glad for some good cases this week. We had a hell of a lot of trouble in there. We had Amelia Tardy with cancer on the cervix. We had Rose Peterson with cancer in the thyroid, spread throughout her body. And I’m forgetting somebody. We had a baby with a– a mother with a dead baby inside her. And all kinds of complications. All those complications (unintelligible word). I’m missing somebody. Christian [likely Robert] with a bladder, your last Peoples Rally, I said, I don’t know what– I turn around and said, I don’t know what the fuck I said that to Linda, I gotta keep that word, I’ve gotta make that so. I’ve gotta make that so. Yeah, a liver with a– a– a bl– a liver swelling and uh, uh, some kind of a obstruction of the liver. And it’s all taken of. She told me today, the doctor was just– uh, just simply uh, dumbfounded. Dumbfounded. He said that uh, fantastic, amazing, I don’t know. I know of the one doctor that saw Rose Peterson, he said, I’m amazed, I’m perplexed. Said your– your– your pastor has (unintelligible word) done it, he (unintelligible word) this about us, so she got her healing. She on the boat coming in tonight.

Crowd: Stirs, then applause.

Jones: Nonetheless. You like me to do that. You like me to look after things like that. So I’m gonna have to look after every other thing.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: I just want to be sure you’re fair, ‘cause I know how special some people are with you. You get close, folk– and I wish every coordinator, and I hope every one of my children, every one of my secretaries, every official can see it. (tape edit) People don’t like you. They’re using you. They only get close to you so that they can pull some shit.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: I know why they’re close to me. I got people still trying to get close to me, so they won’t have to do a goddamn thing. I won’t have to work. (Pause) Well, leave it as it is.

Crowd: Applause

Jones: And some who are close to me haven’t got the sense. You’re a supervisor, you’re a coordinator, you’re a member of the PC, Planning Commission or the Steering Committee or coordinator, and you don’t know shit, you don’t know what they’re doing, would you?

Crowd: Murmurs.

Jones: Goddamn stupid– you’re stupid. I can see why they’re trying to get close to you. They don’t care about you. They don’t care about me, and I’ve long since proven nobody’s– uh, nobody cares about me. Not very far, not very far. And then gets ready to call some real sacrifices, the handful to do it, and then it’s not me they care about, it’s communism they care about. They get around that thing of uh, personality concern. It’s a principle concern. But goddamn, how some of you can be so stupid, when you’ve seen me get people out of jail and save their ass and go through the pain I’ve gone through with people like Tim Stoen and Grace Stoen and a lot of others, even more complex situations. I forget ‘em. Hell, I have to live, I don’t want to remember all that shit. But the people I’ve got out of trouble and how they forget. Save their fuckin’ life. Save their ass.

And they forget. Jack Arnold Beam, take him for example, I went through shit and almost went to jail, obstructing justice– justice, and that fuckin’ DA hates me [to] this day, and probably gonna level a charge because Tim’s dodged ball now and got out of trouble temporarily by selling us all out. He hates me and hated me ever since the day I stood up and said, now, if you do anything to Jack Arnold Beam, you’re gonna have to deal with all of us. And I’m not accustomed be– uh, approached that way. He said, you’re obstructing justice. That wasn’t the word he used, but it was the same thing. And what did Jack Arnold do when I got his record clear? He left the fucking church that minute. Prick, no-account, son-of-a-bitching miserable prick. I don’t give a goddamn. I love his mother [Rheaviana Beam], I love his sister [Eleanor Beam], (stumbles over words) I don’t give a shit, I don’t even think of them as brothers and sister, ‘cause blood don’t mean a thing here. When you get someplace, you get over that blood shit.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: The only thing we gotta develop is a extenu– extenu– extended family, then we have more Jonathan Jacksons. You oughta be thinking about any– all of these are our sisters or brothers. Our unique characteristic that Jonathan and George didn’t have, and some of you do have. I can think of Jonathan as my son. And every Jonathan in the world oughta think of every person in that prison as their brother. Everyone facing those conditions as their brother, but some of you are so fuckin’ blooden– you nauseate me. You can’t even get away– You oughta– you oughta set apart. You oughta set apart, you ought never– no blood people ought to ever set together. In fact, I’m making a law right now. None.

Crowd: Applause

Jones: (unintelligible word) and a couple, three move right quick. And some others. I guess you think you’re exception. I said nobody. Blood say– blood oughta be broken up. It’s a miserable sick goddamn obnoxious disease.

Voice in Crowd: Too soft

Jones: Pull out. Until they earn it. ‘Cause they carried on a fucking sexual mess, and got children by accident. And if they did it by plan, they were really vulgar. Cruel, inhuman and sadistic. So I damn you either way. If you plan to bring children, you were selfish. If you didn’t plan, you were selfish. Either way, you were selfish. ‘Cause the only way you coulda be unselfish was to ask that baby before it was born – and you can’t do that – did you want to come. And all of us woulda said, that had any sense, no.

Crowd: Murmurs

Jones: Shit, and who wouldn’t. They got a right mind, they’d say, no, I don’t want to come. Fuck you, Mom. Fuck you, Dad. Why don’t you fuck each other’s asshole and stay out of the vaginas, and get the penises away from the– the vaginas, so there’ll be no fertilization. You pricks laying around here and layin’ up so quick. Goddamn, it’s very, very difficult. You gotta really realize what you’re doing. Yes, yes.

Voice in Crowd: Too soft

Jones: Oh, you oughta hated him. Now tell me something bad you did. Goddamn, you people ought not to feel bad about hating the Father, after I have uh, taught.

Voice in Crowd: Too soft

(tape edit)

Jones: –I would not do to anybody what has been done to me. But if they’d needed me and depended upon me, I wouldn’t let them down. And I could tell you a lot of mistakes I made until I came to that degree of zero. The old religious world, I said, crucified. ‘Cause that’s what you had to understand. (Pause) Well, hell, come on now, Lee (tape edit) and take me slowly out by just a little pins. Little pins that put paper dolls together. I would gladly take that to what I’m living under. I would take it by choice. Do you hear me? If anyone wanted to light a match tonight and hold it till I burned up, I would (Cries out) welcome it, for the hell you put me through.

Voice in Crowd: Too soft

Woman 1: I thought that uh–

Man 1 in crowd: (unintelligible) what did you do wrong–

(Tape edit)

Jones: (Speaks quickly, angrily) –to shoot me, would not be able to poison me, would not be able to stab me, would not be able to kill me. But you people kill me in this fucking goddamn meeting.

Crowd: Light applause

Tape edit

Jones: (Calms) –From the blackboard, guilt by Mrs. Mitchell– Miss Mitchell. She taught me a lot about lots of things. She taught me sh– about meanness, too. She was mean as hell, religious as hell. But I remember it, it was just before the summer before I went to school, five years of age. Now, come on, honey. What did your– Hardly got her out (unintelligible word) sit down.

Voices in Crowd: Too soft

Jones: I had 800 people that didn’t know anymore about what they had done wrong than you. I would personally– I don’t know what I’d do to torture myself, because I would’ve made the biggest mistake in the whole world. I’m glad that there’s a black woman that can write a poetry like this, and there’s five or six young people and older that can begin to look at themselves from being under discipline and insecurity, but if I had 800 people that could not tell me one goddamn miserable thing they did wrong, I would’ve made a big mistake. And I wonder, how close to that big mistake I’ve come. I’ve heard a lot of– I’ve heard a– I want to tell you, I’ve heard a lot of sleazy ass shit here tonight about what they’re done wrong. I heard one woman nail it straight. She two-timed her husband, while he was in the service. I’ve heard a lot of sleazy ass shit about what they’ve done wrong tonight. I’ve done this, and I’ve done that, and I– I haven’t heard– I haven’t heard enough straight talk.

Voice in Crowd: Too soft

(tape edit)

Jones: From you?

Crowd: No.

Jones: If you have, you better point it out, because somehow you’re too self-conscious in this place about telling us what you’ve done that was wrong. Shouldn’t be. Now we gotta clean our houses and we gotta go. We gotta do– get up tomorrow and make it uh, the cabinet visitor, government visitors. Goodness knows how many. And what hour. We know round the nine o’clock hour, we gotta be ready. Yes, brother.

Voice in Crowd: Too soft

Jones: All people are going to report to, with all the crews–

(tape edit)

Jones: –marvelous terrestrial area we have here. Someone rode up here and said– said to me that they (unintelligible word), I woudna come here if I’d known all these snakes around here. Jesus Christ. When have you seen one?

Crowd: Murmurs

Jones: When have you seen one? If you stay here and don’t try to run away, there’s no snakes out there bothers you, nobody– no snake ever come in here and bother nobody. Say, I just can’t sleep at night. Father, you’ll have to help me. Oh, I hate to call on your spirit, she wrote. Hate to call on your spirit, but you’ll have to help me now since I know there’s snakes out there, since they brought them big snakes in from the jungle. I– You didn’t tell it to us. I– You liar. I told you plain as the goddamn nose on your face there were snakes there, but I said, there’s no snakes in here.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: Just like there was no mosquitoes, and they’ve been. We’ve had a whole period of (unintelligible word), we’ve had none. They come and go based on your goddamn attitudes.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: Sure as hell did. Just because two kids run out there and find a bunch of goddamn snakes and don’t realize it. Sure, if you go out to that jungle, you try to get out of here, you’re gonna run into everything. Snakes, tigers, cougars, you run into every fucking thing. I never told you otherwise. Caiman, eat you up in one bite. I told you all along ‘bout them goddamn big– I did too. Now I remember. I told two kids, I was gonna send them to the back side of the property and gonna have back there with the big cobra, or where the big boas were.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: I sure as hell did.

Crowd: Murmurs

Jones: Don’t tell me I didn’t tell you. (unintelligible word) there been no snake crawling in here. Nobody’s ever gotten bit. It’s a damn miracle.

Crowd: Right.

Jones: They’re out there thick– We– Where you see us bring them in here, we’ve eaten ‘em, and how long are they? Eight feet, ten foot, we’ve brought the fuckers in, one bite, and that’s all. None of ‘em’s ever come in here. Not one of you ever been bitten. Run through that jungle, cutting and clearing the land, and none of you been bitten. Three and half years, nothing. No– going nearly four years. I don’t know what’s the matter with some people. Why don’t you be grateful? Set there worrying about a snake, can’t sleep because a snake coming in. That’s something to worry about. Jesus, that’s all I wish I had to worry about. I wish a fuckin’ snake would come, and he won’t come. We oughta had– you oughta had our worry. Some of us wish one– one would come. Then we wouldn’t be our problem. We– we wouldn’t be responsible. Fuckin’ snake come in, and bite us at night, then hell, it wouldn’t be our problem. We didn’t lay down our life. But we can’t find no fuckin’ snake. Snakes ignore us. (Laughs softly) No since I’d– no– no snake’s gonna kill us. So we got no way around it, ‘cause we’re too responsible to commit suicide. Wouldn’t do it. Got any guts at all, you wouldn’t do it. If you do, goddamn it, I– I got power, I’ll bring you back. I promise I won’t if you been– behave yourself. You have to write me– write up special if you want to be brought back. If you live and tried to do right, I won’t bring you back. I can do it. ‘Cause I know I can do it. I’m not kidding you. I don’t understand this messed-up universe, but I did it with that Pearson child. Sure as fuck did it. Wasn’t the Pearson child. (tape edit) –killed her kids. Broke their hearts. Hung herself for one man, in front of those kids, and they had to come in and find it. I brought him back. I said, he’d be a boy. And I said he’ll be rejected by his mother. And his mother give him away. Walked away from him. Turned him– Turned her back on him, she just didn’t have no use for him, wouldn’t take care of it. Wouldn’t be responsible for him. So fuck with me and try it if you– But most of you shouldn’t even have to have that. You wouldn’t want to commit suicide because you’d hurt somebody. But nobody cares– (unintelligible word) hell, you can’t– you can’t– I don’t care if you got no children, nobody, you can’t do it without hurting somebody. Right?

Crowd: Right.

Jones: Okay, then– what– what’s all this. You people gonna confess, or no. The urine’s just obviously obstructed. And I say, don’t worry, to the mother, you all heard it. Say, there’ll be no problem. Mass will be gone. All problems, whatever they are, they’ll be gone. The people who stayed behind, I said, do you have any idea of what that took out of me to say it. But I needed to relieve her mind, ‘cause she was going off to a conference, and then we get the news. It’s a mighty savior.

Crowd: Stirs.

Jones: You think on it, think on it right now. Any last moment announcement that needs to be made? We’ll get up at the usual time because we’ll be off at– by noon at least. And then (sighs) if the chaps arrive, it’ll be earlier.

End of tape

 

Originally posted on June 23rd, 2021.

Last modified on June 24th, 2021.
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