Undated Note to Otis Newell friend in Jonestown
EE-2-m-1a – 1b
[Editor’s note: Wherever possible, grammatical and spelling errors have been corrected.]
What’s up, Clebo. I got your letter that I’ve been waiting for, for 3 or 4 months, I understand that you all are very bizzy, and so are we on this side of the globe, I was very appreciative when I seen your letter even more when I read it, I was relieved greatly after I read it and I’m working on your sweatsuit & some socks etc.… But what I want to know is who is you and Herbert’s [Newell] lady friend. His is Shirley, and nice lady, Clebos is Shanda, or do I know them. Tell Herbert he surely made that quick and tell him he don’t have [to] worry about the one here. I hardly ever see her now. Oh Clebo tell me more about the team, is there a coach or do you all practice anytime, and is there a spot for me, how much do you all play, who do you guys play. Oh by the way I remember you saying that your Addis are about gone. I’ll try to bring you some Converse or something, I don’t know man we was interviewed last night about coming over, I told him I was ready then, but Alice still have to get Marcus’ passport after she get that I’m leaving. It will be all of us, me and Otis [Newell] Jr., Clebo, you are to see him, man, he is just like sweet pea when he was that size, we have real good times together man, and that the only reason I’m still here [is] because of him & June. If it wasn’t for them I would be where you are all now. Say Clebo man I’m starting to get upset, what I mean by that is every time I start talking about you all there and when I will be joining you guys, I just get hysterical, so I’m going to let you go now. You be cool and I hope to be joining you guys soon. Later bee…
Otis Newell
—–
EE-2-m-2
Note to Newell family in Jonestown , June 1978
[Editor’s note: While some names are unfamiliar, most of the people referenced in this letter belong to the family of Hazel Newell.]
6/22/78
Dear June,
I’m sorry I didn’t write you when I wrote Ann & Hazle, but I was waiting to hear from you. I received your letter. So you work with the boat, how do you like that kind of work. How are you guys basketball team doing – do you play against anybody. Do you also still want to work with the piggery. Do you go to school or anything else. Karl is getting really tall, what about Chris & Allen. Is Jen still dancing. Otis & his family is doing all right. Right now Marcus & June is in LA with her dad. This is all for now. Will write again.
Love, Mae
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Bea Orsot, July 1978
EE-2-m-3a
[Editor’s note: This letter was typed in all capital letters.]
7-10-78 Monday
To: Dad
From: Bea Orsot Grubbs
Subject: Tom Grubbs
Tom says he has turned in his knife but he has kept another one which he keeps in his right pocket!!
Yesterday I went to the book deposit and had quite a lengthy talk with Inez Wagner. I let her do most of the talking… I listened… since my warning from Karen Layton to be careful when I say to her. It was my first visit to the book deposit for several weeks. Inez says that Tom appears to be working lots of times but it is bullshit to get out of real work. She says that Clara Johnson has picked up on it and has discussed it with her and neither has written it up or submitted or will do so. It seems that Clara Johnson is a very well qualified person. She has had 25 years experience at teaching which makes it much more qualified than Tom.
Tom, himself, opened up to me yesterday, conversation wise, more than he ever has since I have known him. He started out by telling me about the session that he had with the teachers yesterday A.M.; then he came down strong on some, Shawntiki Johnson for one. Said several came down on him strong, Tommy Beikman Kutulas, for one, which I admire, as few do. Tommy got on him for his intellectualism which makes his [him] difficult to approach. I told him that I totally agreed. I have the same problem with him. We bounced back and forth for quite a while calmly, however, he was very defensive and supported his own position for the most part. Of course, whenever it comes to Tom’s looking at himself, he wants to cop out somehow. From that, he went into his experience on PC, said he was not going to take that… refused to go through the confrontations… and actually left the church and went to Willits with his sister, bag and baggage. He thought that I already knew this but I did not. I did know about the PC bit, however. I told him that he was arrogant and not approachable. Told him that my dad was a PhD but no one would ever know it because he was so humble and that I grew up on a college campus and was around intellectuals constantly but none of them was like he is. He asked for specifics to get insight on himself. I gave Don Bower as another example who has lived in books all of his life in order to shut the world out. Last but not least, so as not to upset him, I used Ken Norton [Tom Grubb’s brother Richard] as a shining example in comparison to him. Ken is brilliant but also he is humble, at least, that has been my own personal experience with him; I cannot speak for others. He never puts me down and I feel comfortable enough to talk to him about anything. I kept telling Tom, he needs to learn that part of Ken from Ken so that subject ended without any hostility towards you, me or anyone. He has to deal with it.
Although he says he is not concerned about it, he is, or he would not be discussing it (knowing Tom), he is worried about being “over the hill”. He believes that the vitamin B12 prescribed by Larry [Schacht] is not vitamin B but a female hormone, estrogen because he is having difficulty with his breast; the lumps in both nipples are there for sure and very sore; he has no sensation in either nipple at all; does not know he is being touched there unless he is looking. It is very strange. He has been examined by Larry and he also finds it strange and does not know what it is caused by but is doing some research on it. Tom feels that in some way that has some connection with his impotency which is at its worst now. I assured Tom that the pills were not female hormones because they have run out of a hormone in that color. I know. It is my medicine. (He really wants to be fucked in the ass by a man but will not admit it)
Tom says that he feels like a father to Ken Norton; that Ken is a very weak person and depends on him when he is depressed and frustrated. (To me, he seems well able to take care of himself but I could be wrong because I don’t really know him that well). Tom is thrilled whenever he is talking to him… Really turned on. The other day I passed the book deposit and Tom was in the window talking to Ken who was seated beneath the window below outside. I said it before I knew it, “Which one is Juliet and which one is Romeo”? Ken laughed. Tom turned another color… showing guilt of homosexual feelings which should be normal. Tom says that he has never told Ken that he left the church once following the PC bit nor has he told him about his behavior in front of the radio room. He does not know that I told him and Ken has kept his mouth shut. I think he would be pissed if he knew I told him but maybe not. It was a logical thing to do with them being brothers. I don’t know why he would mention that yesterday but thought it important.
I finally asked Tom how he now feels about what happened in front of the radio room as he seems relaxed. He said, “I was sick… That’s all, sickness but I could, even in sickness, rationalize my side of the argument and his (meaning you). Since you started to tell him how his behavior should be but he told you not to go into it… He had sense enough to know that as he knows both sides well.
—–
EE-2-m-3b
My opinion of Tom is that if he is ever confronted again, he will flip again. Now that the teachers are beginning to confront him (thanks to Tommy Kutulas – bravo), I think others will follow. It will get heavy and he will act out. Clara Johnson is really on his case. She sees straight through him just like I did. He is worried about it too as he has demonstrated in ways described by Inez that he does not want Clara to see his own job description (because he isn’t doing what is on it).
Incidentally, while I am on Inez Wagner, she told me yesterday that Gene Chaikin has been coming on to her and that she has not decided whether or not she will pursue it. (She is working on already because she was dressed extremely nice yesterday and has been talking about the possibility of fucking in one tone and knocking relationships with the other tone which is a very strong indication of “I am going to pursue it”) She has not told anyone about it other than me so if it gets out, she will know I reported it and will clam up about Tom and everything else probably. (Inez and I have been very close in the past and she finds it very easy to talk to me.)
Last night, Tom discussed the meeting with Ava Jones yesterday evening. He seems quite pleased about it. Said there is a possibility that he will do longer have to do administration; just teach in morning and work with students who have learning disabilities. He likes that kind of work and admits he is no administrator which is correct. He is not. Says Dolores Wilson is coming soon. (Actually Dolores and Clara could do very well with our school aside from the fact that they are black which sensitivity can only be passed on to the students by black people.)
When our relationship started 6 months ago, I told Tom all of my sexual attractions which amounted to several women, one senior citizen female and Jim McElvane. I thought he had forgotten it since he usually does not remember such things last night he suddenly said, “I’ve been thinking… Jim McElvane will be here soon and I wonder what will happen”. I told him nothing was going to happen. I was with him and I was going to stay with him; that he was for sure my last relationship. Don’t one another especially with someone like him; competition too much and can only offer pain which I avoid. He would not have mentioned it had he not been worried about it in conjunction with his sexual impotency, probably. He can’t fuck with his dick so it shouldn’t matter if he is so concerned about me which is the way he is portraying it. I’m not saying that satisfaction never happens but it is done by other means, for the most part, all of which I can do better my goddam self. He did seem relieved about my reply to him re Jim McElvane.
Even though I am constantly running Tom up, I do have feelings for him at times. Sometimes I do not. I think it is based on how he is acting as a socialist. I don’t like myself either when I am acting to the contrary which is plenty.
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Bea Orsot, July 1978
EE-2-m-3c
[Editor’s note: This letter was typed in all capital letters.]
7-9-78
To: Dad
From: Bea Orsot
Re: Tom Grubbs/myself
As usual, the meeting was heavy on Tom’s feet… He knew they were his feet. Did not have to tell me… Just been around him long enough to know.
He was also one of the people who is talking during the Rosenberg discussion. I got on him heavy about it I told him he should have refused to talk do Evette [Yvette] Muldrow who came over to him and started talking. He should have been more sensitive and willing to be the bad boy. He or she came up and admitted they were talking– let the others take the heat whose names were called. There are many others who were talking who let the others take the heat. Two others were Mrs. [Aurora] Rodriguez and Santiago Rosas. I had taken their names down but never had the chance to bring them up. Last week I took him about 40 names and gave them to Johnny J [Jones] but it never came up. You did say specifically no talking in the pavilion and dining pavilion during the news. People for the most part completely ignore you.
He has not begun to look at himself re his lack of sensitivity (feelings) for others. When the Klingman child was on the floor for having no feelings, he said for sure that was the case – the child is alienated. He likes to theorize when it comes to others bypasses the same fault in himself.
I do appreciate your education. It has definitely made a marked change in my own sensitivity. It has not only made me sensitive to the pain of other socialists but it has made me see more of you… you being the only one who truly cares enough to attempt to change it all – to keep it from continuing to happen. It has become very tearful for me to look upon… You have… The situation has. I will not let you down Father. I know others and told you that and have broken your heart but they could not have been coming from my perspective… No way… And I am truly sorry that at times, I have gotten into my own selfish morass and lost sight of the true enemy. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to learn while the longer I take, the more you die. I know that I personally have caused your slow death with my petty discomforts from time to time. I have no right to put you through it and that is another elitist pattern of mine. I have put a stop to it as of this minute. Whatever bawling out you have given me, I deserved it, to balance out what you never bawled me out about… the shit I got away with. I have no right to feel sorry for myself about you, justice itself, bawling me out. Who in the fuck do I think I am… when many can’t even write you their discomfort because the system deprived them of the privilege.
I am sick of my God damn miserable, bourgeois self, created by capitalism but nourished by me.
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Bea Orsot, July 1978
EE-2-m-3d
[Editor’s note: This letter was typed in all capital letters.]
7-10-78
To: Dad
From: Bea Orsot Grubbs
Re: My report to you on self insight
Karen L. [Layton] told me not to worry about this but I am because I have not heard you mention my name as having submitted the above report. Am sure that it was among the first you got, if not the first as I immediately submitted net and got a message from you from Carolyn Layton concerning something I had also included. Since then, I have given you two additional points re my own elitism. The first report concluded my insight into traitorous characteristics which we all think about at times. I gave you two examples of when I felt traitorous, once in the States and once here. I have not felt traitorous since and will not again.
I do not care if you mention my name publicly or not… The information was for you and I am not trying to look good or impress anyone. I just want to be sure and I have done what I was supposed to have done. I also told her that I was for sure going to stick by you to the end. I was very touched by your words yesterday and I will always be with you. I don’t give a shit if everybody splits… I will be here. I would like to say more but there is no time to do it.
—–
Letter to Maria Katsaris from Bea Orsot, July 1978
EE-2-m-4
7-4-78
Maria [Katsaris]
You are the only one who consistently sits “with the people” out of the ones who are close to Dad. He has said repeatedly – no one is to sit behind him. Even tonight, after he said it, I got right back up there… It pisses me off… Dad can’t see behind him but it sure looks that from out here – like disrespect for his words. I am specifically referring to [Mike] Prokes, Lee [Ingram], Carolyn L [Layton] & Joyce T [Touchette] & others
Bea [Orsot]
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Bea Orsot, July 1978
EE-2-m-5
[Editor’s note: This letter was typed in all capital letters.]
7-8-78
To: Dad
From: Bea Orsot Grubbs
Re: Tom Grubbs/Dick Tropp/Myself
He is not dealing with his own elitism which comes out in many ways. Last night, we were talking about people making good grades on the test. He never goes to the library and does not listen all the time but he makes excellent or above. He has a photographic memory for what he hears or sees which is a talent many are not fortunate to have. He is brilliant. When I told him that he could get good marks because he is brilliant, he came back with: “That’s a cop out for lots of people. If they wanted to learn, they could learn just like I do. They always pull that ‘you are brilliant’ on me to cover up their own lack of motivation” type thing. I am not saying that is not true in some cases but it should not be made as a blanket statement to cover all situations (dogmatism). An example of this is, I am not brilliant but I manage to get excellent plus on my tests but I spend lots of time studying wherein he does not. That is the difference. He has had the advantage of an education which has been a good one because he is white. I finished college just like he did but from an unaccredited black college which was about like a good white high school. He is not relating to the advantages of whites as opposed to the disadvantages of blacks. Again, no sensitivity.
Like many of us, he theorizes principle, e.g., Dick Tropp whose letter to you was honest but he still maintains the most chauvinistic patterns of any male I know. He still is not attempting to change. He still treats Inez Wagner just like shit in the book deposit – exactly the way he treated me. He talks down to all women, and as he admitted, he can always rationalize his position and I add, “at the cost of hurting others deeply.” Inez is about to ask for a job change and I do not blame her one bit. Tom never gets in it and confronts Dick with her. He slides right through it because he sees in Dick a reflection of himself.
Tom got through the test okay but stated he was pressured and could hardly function. Said again that the test was more than one would get in universities. Said we should have had a week to answer all those questions. Said he wrote 7 pages and 3 of the pages were on your character, etc. (no. 11) He is still (really) competing with you as to how tests should be given – is what it amounts to.
When I asked him if he had written his traitorous characteristics to you, he looked extremely uncomfortable. I told him that I had. I rather doubt that he will. If he does, he will have come a long way as he cannot look at himself.
I feel like an elitist because I do office work all the time – like a white collar worker. Don’t like office work; had hoped I would never have it to do here but the need is here. Revolutions were made by field workers in the world has been built by those who do the mundane. I am uncomfortable about it and as soon as I catch up on QSO work, I am going in the field, at least some portion of my time. I do not have the luxury of saying my health won’t take it… Neither did others in other revolutions but they did it. Some of them died doing it. So what? It was still just as much of an honorable death as those who blew themselves up in order to kill the oppressor. Until I actually do what I am talking about, then I am an elitist.
I hate to be on Tom’s case all the time because I sure am far from perfect myself and if I didn’t have so much unprincipled characteristics in myself, there would be no way for me to see them in him.
P.S. Tom is sneaky. He’s beginning to come home at different times of the day on the pretense that he has forgotten something. He manages to purposely leave something as an excuse when he never did that before. I know it is purposeful because I leave stuff right where he can see it before he leaves and he walks out without it. He is, I think, trying to catch me writing him up, or trying to find out who I talk to when he is not there, or both. I am very careful. He will never find what he is looking for. He does not trust me and is very careful what he says to me. I think his sexual drive has diminished because of it… It is a bit difficult to get a hard on for the person who turns your ass in. (Smiles)
[Editor’s note: Second PS handwritten] Tom dreams about killing someone with a knife or his hands – never a gun or any other weapon – says he’s always had the dream.
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Bea Orsot, August 1978
EE-2-m-6a – 6b
[Editor’s note: This letter was handwritten.]
8-3-78
To: Dad
From: Bea Orsot
Re: Self-criticism
I am recognizing, painfully, some of my own faults, although I am not fully realized why I am developing and/or unveiling a hateful, competitive side of myself.
The feelings that I presently have for Tom are hate & it is not because he has rejected me either – in fact quite to the contrary – he has shown an unusual amount of sensitivity, warmth, thoughtfulness & affection. But I just do not like him. I continue to see him as a potential traitor & I think I’m wrong not to forget & give him another chance, as you do. If it were me, I would want another chance but somehow I just cannot do that. I am constantly pulling him apart in my mind: His bragging makes my ass hurt about your praises of his intelligence or whatever. I think it’s the “way” he says it which causes me to look deeper. It’s sort of like, “I can do it but you can’t.” Today he told me that you called him after Peoples Rally to tell them that he had an excellent understanding of human beings & that was growing into other areas. My trouble is this. I don’t want to admit that strength in him. I feel jealous & competitive, two very serious antisocial behavioral traits. I recognize it as that & nothing else & I’ve got to work hard on eradicating both – as both defeat the end result. I must give him good credit where credit is due as you do, otherwise, I am not being fair to him or to you. (See PS over)
This thing about the grades on news test as another example of my competitiveness with Tom. It pisses me off when he gets excellent + & never studies except for last-minute reading of my notes in rally before test. It pisses me off when I’ve spent hours taking the notes, more hours typing the notes & then more hours studying the notes when he devotes only a few minutes. If I were not a jealous competitive, it would not bother me. On this particular test I got especially pissed because my paper was lost & therefore, I have no grade at all! When Tom found out about it, he said, sarcastically, “Well, maybe they’ll give you ‘very good.’” [Marginal note inserted: “Somehow I just see him as coming back at the cause in that same manner – (undercutting). My hate is also mixed up in this the same way. I’ve got to make sure I will always be able to differentiate my motive, whether it be “cause” oriented or “self-motivated.”] I’ve got to get my own ego out of the way – pin all the metals on him for the greatest good – that is what is important & nothing else!! I see this competitive hate as serious if it is not controlled & corrected immediately as it could affect strategic decisions I might make in the future so I will begin now to correct it!
P.S. All of my reports to you about Tom have been completely accurate. I am very careful about that but since I recognized my own faults discussed here, I felt it was the time to not only bring it to your attention as well but my own to correct before it gets intertwined in my analysis of him.
Thank you for helping me to see the shitty, capitalistic side of myself too!
—–
Undated Self-Analysis from Unknown Writer
EE-2-m-7
[Editor’s note: Wherever possible, grammatical and spelling errors have been corrected.]
My self-analysis
For one I am very hypocritical. When I tell someone else to do something I do it myself. I am very greedy, I eat too much all the time. I think about boys too much, and also I think people are always talking about me. I think it is very important that I change these things. I will work to change the things.
Thank Dad