I am walking along a sandy white beach
The waves are gently hitting the shore
The wind blows just enough to be felt on my face
The sun shines on me and warms me
I have come along way to be on this beach
I am overcome with a sense of peace
My journey has been long and arduous
There were many obstacles to overcome, challenges to meet
And each time I overcame the obstacles and met the challenges
I became stronger
Connected with my true source of power and strength
Beyond personality, gender or life circumstance
Tracing this journey, I have been blessed with many friends
I laughed with them
Their joys were my joys, their sorrows, my sorrows
I have said goodbye to many, attended too many funerals
I look back on the journey
I am in awe and wonder of the richness and depth
For I have been loved, truly loved
Loved and cherished by beautiful men, beautiful women
Who said goodbye too soon
I have laughed, I have cried
I have experienced the intimacy of loving another
And after many failed attempts
Discovered how to retain my own integrity
I am grateful, my heart is full
I continue to walk along the shore
The sun is beginning to set
The beauty of creation is everywhere
And can not be denied.
I look ahead of me and I see a being of light
A being made of white and golden light
I look behind me, another being of light is following me
I look to the left, I look to the right
There are two beings of light walking on each side of me
I wonder how long they have been there
For I haven’t seen them
I am enveloped and surrounded by this light
And feel so loved
I realize there has always been
A being of light showing me the way,
A being of light following behind me
Light beings on each side of me
Should I fall from the path
Safe and protected
Even though it did not seem so at the time
Ahead of me, behind me
On each side of me
I feel the light
Emanating from these beings of light
Into me
The light zaps all that is not light in me.
The light zaps and disappears, hitchhikers, hangers on, little sticky things
That have attached themselves to my energy field
They are zapped one by one
Finally I realize I am me and only me
No one else, not my father, not my mother
My mentor or lover
Not my mistakes or my triumphs
Me and only me
The light becomes stronger from each direction
I feel like the hub of a wheel of light
Connected by spokes to these beings of light
I continue to walk and feel the beings of light
Closer and closer to me the light stronger and brighter
I realize the beings of light have been with me
Always and for all time
The light envelopes me
The beings of light are so close to me
There is no separation
I experience an awakening
The beings of light are part of me
And I am are part of the light
I now know there is no separation
I am the beings of light
I am the light
I sigh and exhale resting in the fact
I know who I really am
I am walking on the shore
I am the light
I see someone walking towards me from the opposite direction
She is surrounded by beings of light….
(Vernon Gosney left Jonestown with Congressman Leo Ryan on November 18, 1978, and was seriously wounded during the shootings at the Port Kaituma airstrip. His other poem in this edition of the jonestown report is My Journey To The Crone/Elder; his remembrance of Monica Bagby is here. His previous writings are located here.)