Tom Grubbs writes his biography

[Editor’s note: This document retains its original spellings.]

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To: Father
From: Tom Grubbs
Re: Value Substitution program
Date: Nov 9, 1977

The principle upon which value substitution works is that value systems, indeed all frames of reference for most persons, are maintained by perception, stimuli. Research and experience has conclusively sustained that people, deprived of stimulation, become very docile and tractile [tranquil].

The trend in all “brainwashing” is away from any kind of pain administration as it engenders strong reinforcements to the mental “set.” Rather comfort reduces resistance to reprogramming or value substitution.

Varying levels of intensity yield varying results over varying time span. One method utilizes vitimini [vitamin] B complex deficiency. Vitimini B is said to be the brain and nerve vitimini and has been found to be very influential in the amount of perseverance and or stubbornness individuals exhibited.

Secondly, the amount of sensory deprivation influences the time needed to achieve plasticity. In a dark space, on mattresses, soundproof, with hands and feet padded (hand fingers and toes are primarily tactile sensors) a person usually experiences degeneration of reasoning functions in about 72 hrs. This process is usually indicated by hallucination and may be signaled by frequent screaming. Most persons at this point are not able to controll the hallucinations. However, the monitor can controll the hallucinations by providing carefully selected stimula for determined

 

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periods. The subject is free from the hallucinations as long as he attends to or concentrates on the stimulus and its related aspects. The result then is that with propper time scheduling, the subject begins to desire the stimuli and becomes dependent on it for freedom from the sensation of being lost, discentrated, lacking identity varification. The identity verification is an important concept. It would then follow that the persons with poorly developed self-concepts (images) are more susseptible to this process.

The more stimulus free, the shorter the period required to reduce resistance to value substitution.

Scheduling the intervals between duration and content of the redevelopment stage is most important. The initial redevelopment stage should have the shorter periods of value presentation and spaced at longer interval. The periods become longer and more frequent as the subject shows progress in the internalization of the new values. Thus the periods of discussion are rewards for progress.

It is important that the proctor realize that the subject is quite suggestible during the redeveloping phase and this period requires considerable thought, and planning prior to implementation. Also, conversation not directly related to the values desired is kept to a minimum. In the later phases that may be increased as reward.

The Facility should be large enough not to give clostrophobia, say 6’x6’x6’ minimum. It should be light-tight and in an area devoid of sound. The floor should be covered with matresses. It is desireable though not compulsory to pad the walls also.

One method includes the use of a restraining jacket and feet restraints. The process is expediting though propably more traumatic. We may not desire this proceedure.

The process to be completed in from 5-7 days.

 

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To: Father

From: Tom Grubbs

Re: The relationships between thee and me

I am the firstborn, the namesake, the second element in the Dynasty, Lemuel  Thomas Grubbs II. I am the duce [deuce] and was suppose [supposed] to be the protégé, the ego extention. But it didn’t work out.

My dad was built like Charles Atlas, was a lumberjack and a tag-team wrestler with his dad in Alaska as a young man. I turned out physically and mentally more like the Lathan side of the family – he never liked that.

I was a sickly child, most childhood deseases, pneumonia (twice, I believe) and then 6 years of Rheumatic fever ages 5-11. I spent most of those years in bed away from everyone and everything. Of course, Dad’s great fantasies were shattered – he was greatly frustrated. He made unrealistic expectations of all of his children, me particularly as the oldest and his namesake; I could never please him; I was always a disappointment or disgusting. His impatience caused me to retreat mentally and he would scream and curse at me because I would not anticipate his moves and have his tools ready for him (at the time he was a finish carpenter part time and in the Navy).

When home, Dad was working, reading (an escape mechanism to avoid fighting with my mom) or sleeping. A thousand times, I stood beside his chair and called his name over and over, up to 15 times; then unable to break the spell of his book left disappointed –

 

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not even worth as much as his book.

As I have said dad was a huskily built man. He used punishment, fear and intimidation a lot. Being confused and emotionally unstable, I was easily intimidated – and I hated it. Then when I was 15 he fist whipped me. I can still remember bouncing between fists and the wall. That incident brought some major changes. The muther fuckers can kill me – I am not going to be intimidated anymore! On several occassions after that I went outside to fight him, knowing he could have hospitalized or killed me believing I might get a few blows in and it would be better than being intimidated. No one ever intimidated me again until you, but the price of resistance was pretty high.

My Mom was a sick woman. A victim of incest, a nymphomaniac that never said no to any man until she was at least 30 years of age. She was a hypochondriac and was the victim of my dad’s blatant chauvanism. Her only means of revenge was to emasculate his dream, his protégé – me. I am convinced that some of those years of illness were her projection.

At age 12 my parents divorced and I moved with my mom to a socialist-based religious community in Wyoming. Both parents had formally belonged to the quasi-socialist religious movement the Shephard’s Rod Davidians lead [led] by a “prophet” named Howtiff [Victor Houteff]. Long story short, mom became mentally ill from guilt and frustration. She was a fear and guilt manipulator and an expert at brainwashing. I later studied the techniques and psychology of brainwashing in college – she had used them all!!

After living in a house without heat, windows, furniture or food – just eating what we could forage from the land – for a few months conditions improved for a while – we had a house with windows and heat and better food –

 

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sugar beets and potatoes 3 times a day for months. Sometimes we had bread – but always we had Bible verses, 3 before every meal before we could eat a bite and had to recite all 21 flawlessly on Sabath before we could eat anything.

We then moved to Texas where we survived by collecting food from trash bins behind stores. I learned a new lesson – I can take better care of me than others can – I ate better out of trash bins than I had before.

After 9 months of Texas and eating out of trash cans, with our bodies as our sole testimony, the court awarded custody to my dad. Things improved materially, but we then had a stepmother who was blatant about her favoritism for her 2 younger boys. I had more lessons to learn – I was always a disappointment or disgusting to dad, we were not worth as much as the stepchildren, we were not as important as the furniture, the car or dad’s tools.

I mentioned that my mother was a sick person mentally, and that she was a great manipulator of fear and guilt. She finally plagued her trump card – she committed suicide by starvation!! There are too many memories in this regard to write.

So here I am – always fearful that I cannot do good enough (tend to be a perfectionist by compulsion) I hate to be manipulated by fear or guilt. I insist on thinking for myself – my dad said many times, “When you are old enough to think for yourself, I will tell you. Until then, I will do your thinking for you.” I hated it!

Now, I am not afraid to die. But I am afraid of being a failure or inadequate, a disappointment. This condition was further intensified during the years I worked on the

 

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PA and radio broadcasts. I was constantly confronted by problems for which I caught “flack” and there was no one to help. (Someone who knew more than me.)

I am not afraid of punishment or dicipline for what I do – I am anxious about what I can see needs to be done that I don’t get to. My conpensation for feelings of worthlessness was a compulsion to learn to do everything I do well. I believe I am better as a teacher than anything but I also cut hair, repair eyeglasses, repair tape recorders, know and enjoy working with trees, work with wood, tool and work leather, am an archer that can make my own bowstrings, string jig, arrows and accessory equipment. I am knowledgeable in psychology, particularly education psychology, can repair most small appliances. This presents new frustrations. People want me to do all of these things and I don’t have time – I spent many hours in meetings when I would rather be working. I am happiest when I can work 18 hours a day, 6 of them making or repairing things. I found I can feed my own ego by making and repairing things, then I don’t have to wait for praise or approval from others.

Sometimes the pressure of the list of things I need to do and/or want to do gets so great I get flippy unless I write them down and get them off my mind.

Sex – as you know I practice beastiality and have for 24 years. I have never been caught but I have risked my life to avoid capture in a trap – I made a fast trip through a peat bog late on a dark night to escape. I have never been caught and exposed – but I know! I know it isn’t normal and approved. This contributes to my feelings of worthlessness or inferiority. For a long time I feared exposure on the “floor,” but I don’t worry about that so much anymore.

 

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Fetishes: I hate to be conned to, exaggerated to, duped, manipulated (fear or guilt) or intimidated. I have had a lifetime full of it. I can see these things like ink on paper and I hate them. People have played with my head all of my life. I understand your good purposes and 95% of the time my thinking mind overrules the protest from the emotion dept. It is only when I get frustrated and anxious that the emotional reaction becomes dominant.

Hate: You have intimidated me on 2 occasions that I remember clearly and probably a 3rd. I hate anything that can cause me fear (death can’t) and you have done it. Again, my rational mind usually represses the hate and fear (fear that you will do it again) but it is there.

Fantasies: I have one recurring fantasy – that I die, am killed, murdered for resisting intimidation in a public meeting. I do not see myself doing violence usually, but fighting back verbally. I realize too that fantasies occur only with unresolved anxieties.

Resentments: I have never knowingly lied to you. That is not my way because someone intimidated lies and I hate being intimidated. However, I believe I have been misrepresented to you. Once on the floor nearly 3 years ago by Bea Morton (Orsot) and recently by the team of Christine Lucientas [Lucientes] and Lois Ponts. I have examined that situation CAREFULLY and believe I know my motives at the time I spoke. Lois had several personal grudges to settle. I try to keep my rational mind in control and make principled decisions but here is an irrational exception: I would rather die than [be] intimidated or manipulated by fear. You asked me a strait [straight] question and I will try to give an honest answer. In that exchange over the charge by Christine and Lois I believe you projected heavy prejudice. I recognize

 

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my error in that regard, speaking harshly to Christine in front of the children. My motive reference to the office was not as depicted.

Guilt: I hate being manipulated or controlled by guilt. But you are so busy, I feel guilty to speak to you about things I should speak about so – I tried to get answers through other leaders and only get partial answers and still have a lot of unresolved questions – the anxiety level goes up again. I am often afraid that in the scope of things my questions and comments will seem trivial so I don’t speak until the pressure mounts up.

Zero: I suppose that becoming zero is hard for people who have believed they are or have been something. However, there are some aspects of bitterness for someone that has been a “less than zero, negative” most of my life. I believe in frugality to the n-th degree and am pissed by waste and selfish abuse. I have some items 20-24 years and many between 15-20 years. Probably my 2nd or 3rd greatest frustration is the rate of waste and abuse of property.

Socialism, Communism. I have read the Communist manefesto, parts of Das Capital, the Introduction to Socialism and have lived communal for 5 years. There is no doubt in my mind that is the right, the only meaningful way to live. I don’t mind making a lot of “sacrifices.” I have lived most of my life with little. I need little.

What I ask: a life free of intimidation, guilt, manipulation (big request too soon, huh?), a job I can do, the tools and materials to do it with a few good books to keep the mind stimulated, and occasionally classical music.

Oh, yes, a chance to do the job. I don’t need any luxuries except classical music. Even my dog has chosen another. I think I have finally accepted even that.

 

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Gratitudes: I am appreciative and thankful that I was allowed to come to the PL [Promised Land] early, that I am no longer in the US, to be free of money worries, to be free of sexual preoccupation and dominating compulsions, for a chance to live with good people, to be free of the need for religious pretenses, for a chance to play a part in the development of a socialist school (though I am a poor administrator and a much better teacher), that you have provided so many good teaching materials and equipment and that you sent my dog Trixie over here.

My Pledge: to go on working 18 hrs a day to build this dream to reality, to do things the best way I know how to do them and be open and searching for better ways, to follow the rules, to be more frugal than a Scottish Jew, to seek council [counsel] when I get too much of a load of frustration, and to answer you thoughtfully and truthfully.

Tom Grubbs

Originally posted on March 22nd, 2022.

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