B-3-d-14
My darling,
I wish that my deep & heartfelt convictions had not caused you and others so damned much pain (especially in your case – you’ve given me and the cause all of your years. I’m writing this after the episode of last night while trying to decide on leaving with the boat. This is Tues 11:30 am, August 9, 1977. It was a good day for the cause yesterday. I was on the most popular talk show and it attracted a lot of praise to us. I was @ my best. For 45 minutes discussing the agri[cultural] project in detail and our complete integration with nationals who as I said reside in Jonestown with us. I told of adoptions. It looks as if Debbie Touch[ette] will take the East Indian baby that has been offered us. There were [illegible word] headlines from a church service at Jim Jr. arranged for me to speak at (He’s a good PR man because that was a [illegible word] indeed). I only said two brief messages and the headlines covered me,” said Bishop Jones from USA. State that Jesus Christ was the first socialist while speaking as the [illegible word] of Bishop Berry of the AME Zion Methodist Church (bigger headlines than Andy Young’s coming). It was very complementary of us and I’d have missed a golden opportunity had it not been for our [illegible word]. (Of course tell no one but his girlfriend Yvette [Muldrow] should be told that he arranged it. Jim Jr. has a lot of class & genuine brilliance!
Also Stephan G. [Gandhi Jones] came up to me when I decide to stay back to fly in and he said, “Dad, you got some idea to go back to make those degenerates in legal confrontation. I intend to go with you – do you hear?” Said he, “I want my life to have meaning and I don’t want a purposeless existence that will be made without you.” [Illegible word] After great assurance that I was only staying back for another talk show which is the case indeed [Illegible words] in Wed PM he reluctantly got in the good ship Marcie with 23 others all surprisingly bedded down with reasonable comfort – mom of course Dorothy or Dr. Shacht [Larry Schacht] will be credited as they are in one of the cabinets. I hope she enjoys the trip. The river is one of my fondest memories here. I thought mom is worrying too much about the God damned intrigue of deception done against us but perhaps that is just projection of what I’m doing [Illegible words]. I wish I could just still this abominable conflict I can’t stand being separated from you this way! If the situation were reversed you here & the kids & I there amongst the [Illegible word] faced treacherous terrorists liars being dignified now by the press. I’ve so stoutly and resolutely defended I could take it much, much better. Yet I know you’re right the new settlers need me, yet for the fact of only one thing that I guess some people still listen a bit more to male leadership. I know they respect you enough to follow you & build themselves a wonderful new life of community here. Right now the thought leaders that they might do it better because some hate me more because my goodness has been more familiarly exposed to them in the space of demanding (constantly being in [Illegible words] letter from them. Moreover there is a lot of hate that people just naturally have for a male leader because males represent determination and special privilege (oppression) and many people’s minds. I’m certain and rightfully so unfortunately with all but a few of us who don’t consider ourselves superior to females. In fact in my case just the opposite. [Illegible words] such as you can produce more (Destroy this letter – everything I write can now be used by devious creatures against my family.)
Well, I had to open Mom’s letters because of fear she might get some facts misconstrued and it would be terrible should end up intercepted. Certainly you know I wouldn’t give a damn how [Illegible word] she might get something over to you because I know you can always glean the truth. Thought I’d drop a line as the song goes “while I have the chance” (though I feel no impending sense of doom) because I can never say enough about how much I love and appreciate you. Sorry to say I miss you terribly. [Last line illegible]