EE-2-f-4a
Reflection on Dick Tropp’s Letter from Pauline Groot
Letter to Jim Jones from Pauline Groot
Jim, about Dick Tropp’s letter, everything he said about himself applies to me except the willingness to be shot. If I was shopping my usefulness was up, I’d feel exploited, use, and mad.
How somebody can betray as a potential traitor, I know how but it’s hard to explain. The closest comparison is leprosy. A leper can cut his hand to the bone just by accident because the brain does not feel with the hand is going through. A traitor can hurt us, our anybody, because of not feeling for what others are going through. Call it moral leprosy. Debbie [Blakey] can do anything, and she will because she does not feel for anybody else.
Me, there’s no way I’d ever leave Johnstown of my own free will. I know too much about the cruelty of the USA. But if I was kidnapped and tortured, I’d talk. On a more immediate level, I’ve been daydreaming when I should have been studying. I don’t trust myself. The only way I act right is with structure around my ass. On the other hand, I’ve improved my behavior quite a bit since coming to Jonestown. If I grow fast enough, maybe I’ll grow to be able to take pain before it really comes down.
I used to assume that moral leprosy was the normal human condition – “each man his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.” – The psychologists call it anomie. I grew up among the atomic bomb scientists, and every single one had this quality. I guess that’s how they could make bombs. I thought that was just how people were. I still think that a lot of people have moral leprosy, completely, and a lot more have a case which is complete except for a few relatives or close friends. When you wonder how Debbie could endanger black people with her racist lies, I think you’re naïve; she doesn’t give a shit about a bunch of black strangers and never will. I wish you knew that, your strategy would be better. And if you knew and believed that people like Debbie are perfectly normal on this plane, you might be able to reassure her mother Lisa [Layton]. Debbie isn’t any worse than a lot of people in this movement; she just happened to get the one set of circumstances that would cause her to go. Or at least, Lisa might be better able to endure if she thought so.
I also think you make a tactical mistake, telling everybody you don’t understand people like Debbie. It contributes to people thinking they know more than you, they can get around you, changing the strategy you lay down, etc.
—–
EE-2-f-4b
You’d be better off asking somebody with an established record of paranoia to explain how people could be so evil. Jeff Carey is paranoid enough, and so am I. I’m going to start telling you what I think you’re being idealistic and naïve. Even if I’m wrong.
I think you’re naïve to imagine people will realize your goodness. It’s like a radio broadcast; no matter how loud and clear, people won’t pick it up unless they’re tuned to the same vibration. Communists might pick it up. To people who don’t understand communism, you’re going to appear as a devil come to destroy their world, or a confusing, frightening, unpredictable mixture of good and evil, or stupid or crazy, or some combination of those ideas. You need to know this when you plan strategy. You can reasonably hope the Communists will see you as another communist (maybe) and recognize you as good; if anybody else does, you should treat it as a pleasant surprise.
You got this far without being recognized as good I’m more than a fraction of Jonestown, so it must be possible to build without necessarily being recognized. As to what you actually are building on, it’s a sort of trade-off. It’s as unstable as building on sand. I know I’ve thought along these lines, and I suspect a lot of other people did too – “Well, this is a better situation than living outside in America, so I’ll do enough work and show enough obedience to stay in the group and keep out of trouble.” I believe this is the attitude of 9/10 of Jonestown. You should expect treason, not be so shocked and shook up by it. People with that attitude don’t have much loyalty to break, and it’s very easily broken.
This does not necessarily mean that all your work is in vain. For instance, I didn’t understand communism, I didn’t understand what the hell you were talking about until after I came here and saw it and lived it for a while. And I call myself smart. Others will probably be getting the message, one by one. Some will, and some won’t.
I think you were naïve not to recognize long ago that a lot of people are afraid of you, including many in Jonestown. You want tuned to fear, and you don’t pick up on it; but hate and fear are two sides of the same coin. Every time somebody hates you,
—–
EE-2-f-4c
and doesn’t come to you and talk it out, they are also afraid of you
People don’t remember your goodness, you’ve got to remember that. When you do something necessary like demanding work, people don’t just hate you, they’re afraid of you too. They don’t understand what you’re doing or why it’s necessary. What they do see is, you’re causing them trouble and inconvenience now, you are likely to cause more in the future, they can’t predict when or why: so they’re afraid.
When I tried to express this about myself personally, you thought I had gone crazy. I’m telling you now that I believe 9/10 of Jonestown is afraid of you and will continue to be afraid until they get a full understanding of communism, which may take years if it ever happens. If you don’t believe me, ask people to write up to you how much of they’re afraid of you. But have the doctor on hand before you read the answers, because the answers will break your heart.
People under a capitalist boss are usually much more afraid, and with much more reason. You haven’t caused the fear, capitalism caused it, you just kind of inherited the fear when you took the role of leader. People resent you because you look physically like a white person – right? You learned to live with that. This is another emotion that you get and don’t deserve. I also believe that if you recognize clearly that it exists you will be able to strategize around it, and have a much better chance of actually reaching people by knowing what is the obstacle in the way. If you think people aren’t afraid of you, just because you love them, you’re too naïve.
You are naïve when you told me, “People’s Temple will accept you.” To make a flat, blanket statement that way, it just isn’t so. You could have said, “People’s Temple is more accepting than anywhere else,” or “You’ll find more warmth, more friendship, and less hassling here than anywhere else,” or something like that. But there is no person completely accepted by everybody in Jonestown. It’s naïve to think there could be when we all grew up in capitalism, and I hope you won’t make a flat statement like that very often. I got my hopes up so high, and then when I ran into a bunch of hassling, I didn’t realize at that time you were to pure yourself to expect the
—–
EE-2-f-4d
evil that people do. I just thought you had lied. This sort of thing is not helpful. It upset me quite a bit and made me reluctant to talk things out with you. I wish you would quit it – the last time I noticed you were still speaking the same way. Peoples Temple is more accepting and less hateful than anywhere else in America, that much is true, and it should be enough.
You’re being naïve every time you tell women that they’ll be just as well accepted whether they get a guy or not. The leadership in Jonestown may feel that way, but some of the membership are still showing more respect to women who have a guy than women who don’t. You’d be better off to ask women for the names of the individuals who respect them more when they have a man. Then blast those individuals for encouraging every form of sex and treason we’ve ever had. There is less of that bullshit around Jonestown than anywhere else I’ve ever been. I feel more free to act in a “man’s job” here than anywhere else I know.
If you want evidence, ask Mother [Marceline Jones] or Eva how many people showed less respect to Eva after she and Johnny Jones broke up. We’ve come a long way, but the job is not yet done.
You were naïve when you consider letting our enemies have you so they’d leave us in peace. They already can’t stand their consciences; with you dead, by their hands, do you think they’d suddenly be able to live at peace with themselves? Hell no! They’d attack Jonestown with more fury than ever. As a daughter of a living father, I’m amazed at your love; as a follower of a battle commander in time of class war, I am appalled that you are so naïve.
Another thing you haven’t considered is how many people would become class enemies if you die for John [Victor Stoen]. People who don’t have enough guts to die with you, but can’t live with themselves afterwards, would be class enemies as evil as Tim Stoen, located in Guyana and in our ranks. This sort of thing will happen, much more strongly, if you give yourself up to the enemy. The only way to get the enemy off our backs is to win the fucking war
I offer one more thought to how you predict Debbie – anything that nearly killed us in the past, she is going to try again. No matter how vile. I hope she’s not smart enough to plan into new ideas of her own.
Pauline Groot
—–
Reflection by Clara Johnson on Tropp Letter, July 1978
EE-2-h-21a – 21b
7-11-78
Dad,
I am guilty of having an elitist attitude that I’m very ashamed of. I’m happy that Dick Thropp [Tropp] wrote that letter to you because it has helped me to understand my attitude. I have been very worried about some of the thoughts that have run through my mind even though they were foolish. I suppose this is something that happens and now instead of pushing those thoughts back, I can hang them out and take a good look at them and deal with them. To admit my elitist attitude will not be enough, I must correct it starting now. I am making my commitments now – I will stand for socialism even if my children should fail to stand. This is the only real thing that has ever made sense to me. In the past I have not understood the reason we did some of the things we did, but I said to myself, “I’ll follow even though I do not fully understand because I’ve never known Dad to be wrong and my conscience would haunt me forever if I refuse to do my part and later realize how wrong I was. I feel better now that I decided that. I am certain that I do not wish to return to the USA. I want no part in that Capitalist-Imperialist Country, that has killed Blacks & other poor people all over the world. I feel extremely guilty about the money I wasted that would support racism, CIA murders, wars & etc. I am going to work harder than ever before to prove my sorrow because it is right to work, it is right to care, it is right to help bring about Socialism in the world beginning here in Jonestown.
Thank you, Dad,
Clara Johnson
—–
Reflection of Dick Tropp Letter from Laura Johnston, July 1978
EE-2-h-30a
6 July 78
To: Dad
From: Laura Johnston
Re: My response to Dick Tropp’s letter
Coming from white, elitist background I feel is enough to make me constantly schizophrenic – one side close to treason – selling out, living in an illusion that I don’t have to relate as oppressed. The other side of me is committed to communist ideals (that is Jim Jones’ ideals – the purest form of communism). I have cycles of more one then the other, etc. – in spite of my realistically seeing that I couldn’t make it under capitalism ever again – some of the illusions persist – kind of like a “sane” person considers at times “insane” actions. I know that if I ever did leave within the first 24 hours, the pointlessness of it all would make me go back to the same escapes I used before – sex, drugs, whatever. I just cannot imagine ever working with assholes like Debbie [Blakey], TOS [Tim Stoen] – or taking racist positions. For me, the hard part of being a Jim Jones communist (or at least moving in that direction from a far off point) is that both mind and body have to move – I can physically live socialistically or follow rules (except for my fucking in Georgetown), share, not complain, stand, sit, clap, work, be on time, etc. – those things are generally not my problem. My problem is having to mentally be accountable, to make numerous mistakes and having to be accountable for them coming to be accountable for not working as many hours, with as much effort as I know I should – I guess “conscience” bothers me – it bothers me that it doesn’t motivate me like it should. I don’t like myself and like less and less as I see my shallowness about treason – I don’t feel I’ll ever commit the treason of leaving – I know my efforts are so lax as to be treacherous though. It is clear to me that life outside is a total void.
With his last thought of having intellectuals shot as they no longer have usefulness – I wrote up before – that is why I’d like to carry a bomb in to where TOS or others are and blow us all up. I do know I could do that – I really feel certain that I wouldn’t fail in that. In day-to-day things – I make so many mistakes, I’m not what I should be – and I feel I’d be more useful with the bomb idea. I think I could get myself killed if captured by enemies, I can live through jail – the more dire kinds of life or death, I have confidence in myself – specific situations with specific responses from me are things I can handle best. I agree Debbie should have been shot before this point – before she left Guyana. If I ever planned to leave – I would be saying I’d rather die than keep living today under Jonestown law – and
—–
EE-2-h-30b
I would rather be shot than ever doing the traitorous things Debbie and others have done – I know I have problems but I am certain that these things are fully integrated into myself – not adaptions but really inseparable
- I never want riches, to be wealthy to have commodities
- I never want white associations (if I were outside)
- I’d never see capitalism as anything but an oppressive giant
- I don’t trust anyone outside of myself – I only trust Jim Jones and those near him who have been taught so much – Carolyn [Layton], Terri B [Buford], Maria [Katsaris], Jean B [Brown], June [Crym], others too –
- I know people are starving to death daily and in the US as well as other places
These are just some observations I’ve made – kind of like VISITATIONS.
Pat Grunnet – She mentioned that ever since she left Tanzania and Peace Corps, she’s known she’ll go back there sometime – still believes it
Annie Moore – she jokes a lot, always did talk mostly about her job & told funny story from there. I think she’s committed to Carolyn, Kimo [Jim Jon Prokes], more than Dad – her conversation is rarely about here and now – my own opinion is that she’s best off not in Georgetown –
Edith Roller – she’s not flexible as a roommate – she gets uptight over disruption of her personal routine
Rita [Tucker] Lenin – her daughters Ruth & Mary work nights, spend a lot of time at Rita’s cottage, as does Janet. I think she hasn’t freed them enough to be independent. They sleep at her cottage often instead of their own separate cottages – I don’t know if it’s for her benefit or theirs.
Peter Wotherspoon and Mike Lund [Rozynko] – Mike was counseled for telling Shirley Baisey that he’d heard gossip about himself & Peter staying around so much together – he was very defensive about his position as a heterosexual, and his function as Peter’s supervisor – it was too defensive, I thought – and I think he is probably screwing Peter – may have been as he’d had to keep Peter off children – whatever, if so, he’s showing his reservations or rebellion.
Christine Lucientes – has been having news discussions with Odell Rhodes, Sebastian McMurry – other male & female. There is some sort of friendship or something there – to me, Odell is divisive, anarchistic and plays a game of looking important and more dedicated – does not support authority but strongly and vocally confronts anyone not consistently supporting his.
—–
Mike Prokes reflection on Tropp letter
BB-29-ttt-1
To: Dad
From: M. Prokes
I thought what Dick Tropp wrote up to you was an accurate statement about where white people from educated middle-class backgrounds are at (or at least were at). With very few exceptions, we (WASPS) are all elitists. One doesn’t get rid of his elitism suddenly, because one doesn’t become enlightened in a vacuum. I am an elitist, arrogant, chauvinistic – and I don’t believe I am any better for admitting it in this fashion. (Some people probably think they are honest for admitting bad things about themselves.) The important thing, I believe, is that I have admitted it to myself and I am willing to change. (Depending upon how much courage I have, will determine how fast I change.)
The thing that disturbed me most about myself is why I don’t feel more guilt for letting you shoulder all the burden. I feel some guilt about it, but not an enormous amount which is what I should feel. The only answer I can come up with is that I’ve been repressing the guilt. Though I fit very well into what Tropp wrote, I know I am committed to what we are doing, whatever the future might hold. The reason I know this is because – believe it or not – I don’t know how to relate to what people like Debbie and Stoen have done. I absolutely cannot understand it. Another reason I know my commitment is that it no longer matters to me what image you have of me. It used to matter, but it doesn’t any longer. After I admitted to myself my faults, I could then only conclude that you must have known all along that I’ve not been worth a shit (because I haven’t been). I believe that. I didn’t admit it to you though because I was ashamed of it (and still am), and I felt then that your image of me was important to me. I didn’t want to hurt the image I thought you have of me. [Document switches to handwritten statement] Now – irrespective of what you are anyone else thinks of me – I know what I’m prepared to do. I am prepared to live on indefinitely doing nothing special and nothing that would bring me any glory. To live on indefinitely is the hardest thing to be willing to do – as far as I’m concerned. I know where I’m at because I know enough about where you are at and I don’t turn my back on that. My conscience simply won’t let me.
—–
BB-29-ttt-2
I especially related to what Tropp wrote, about being shot after one becomes useless. I only feel useless in the sense that there is nothing I am doing that someone else couldn’t do. I am no longer “special” (i.e., re: my role). But I realize now that person’s usefulness is determined by doing something “specialized.” I finally had to come to terms with doing mundane work.
Finally, I came to the realization that you related to me to bring me to Socialism. Though I’m sure you know I didn’t particularly enjoy it at the time, I can understand why it was done – to make me feel close to you. It was hard to admit to myself that I needed that. I’m sure. I did, however, or you wouldn’t have gone through that kind of hell. To me, what you did was the greatest act of character I could possibly imagine. The act was so great that I find it almost impossible to relate to that much character. It’s mind-boggling. It had to be the most repugnant thing you ever did. I don’t feel any resentment about it because I know you did it for me out of pure love. Hell, you know what you were letting yourself in for, the first time you let me in the door and told me about Socialism. You knew what you would have to put yourself through to bring me along. You didn’t have to do it (as the song goes) but you did. Why in the hell would you go through
—–
BB-29-ttt-3
that needless hell? I know the answer – it’s simply due to some kind of unfathomable love that you have. Up till now you haven’t gotten much in return – but before it’s over I’m going to try to find the guts to make it worth your while. Thanks for carrying me this far and thanks for your perfect commitment to the only thing that has given any meaning to my life.
Mike
P.S. This requires no response – in fact, I’d feel better if you did not respond.
—–
Mary Wotherspoon reflection on Dick Tropp letter, June 1978
EE-2-uv-3a – 3b
Misc. thoughts
What I feel about Dick Tropp’s paper. (I wish I had more time to do this.) I feel I am too moody. I’m beginning to realize I can control my moods if I want to. I need to communicate with people more. I have to realize that this is my family, I’m going to build a world and die with them. I see elitism and use it to do what I want to. Guilt does not motivate me. I can’t look at the young people Peter [Wotherspoon] molested, I feel bad – guilty and I become more withdrawn.
Why should I have the right to eat when others are starving? When we are so far removed from suffering we forget it exists. I do forget, too easily. I’m not functioning to my capacity. I many times refused to take the responsibility of it. I do not deserve to live for the simple fact that I am white and I take privileges and do not feel as if I’m doing enough working in the fields. But what right do I have to even consider my feelings when our relatives and grandparents had to work long, long hours, die – forgotten in nursing homes, discriminated against because they spoke a different language & had different customs. I agree with the old Indian custom of going into the wilderness to die because one has lost his usefulness. I just wonder if I will still feel that way when I get to that point. This time I quit looking at the people and start listening to what is being said – when people talk. It is too easy to say things that demand character – too many people pay lip service to communism – not enough people do. I feel that you hate me & don’t trust me and that’s the way it is. It doesn’t really matter to me – I have always felt this way. Your character is too much for me to keep on my mind, so I choose to tuck it away a lot. I see everything you do is for the good of the whole. The means are irrelevant to me – what is important is the goal. I do not expect to live or see a better day. My mouth is taking food that a child who could one day be a socialist-communist could use. People of high character have suffered and died/are now suffering and dying. I wonder if I have the courage to take their place. Could I take someone else’s child and assume the guilt for them being in the world & give them the care they need?
I wish I had more time, to be honest. I need a lot more self-analysis.
Mary Wotherspoon
[Annotation on bottom of second page: “required paper on self-introspection”]