EE-2-h-7a – 7b
Undated Note to Jim Jones from Terry Carter Jones
To Jim,
I found this can & did not want to throw it away because I thought it might inspire some or let some people know a little too Lynetta [Jones] thought and championed your truths. It certainly inspired me this morning. Thank you for being our leader, thank you Lynetta for keeping you from fascists for us. Thank you for all the great heroes such as Lynetta & the Rosenburgs [Ethel and Julius Rosenberg] for their character in the struggle.
My first inclination is to say I can’t relate to Dick’s thoughts on elitism because right now I’m in the right frame of mind (being grateful as I always should be but am not). But I can. I have often rationalized my own pittinglys of slight discomfort, to justify my anarchy, my total insensitivity to other people, my taking special privileges. I justify that I’ve earned these things. I haven’t bothered you too much compared to other people, so I say I deserve it. I have felt self-righteous that I never wanted a fuck from you, but then to see I am a sick clingy child who constantly needs your approval of trust. When Debbie [Blakey] left I intellectually know you shouldn’t or couldn’t trust anyone, but to suppress my own responsibility in the matter I began to rationalize my negativity, saying to myself, “I should be trusted. I should be involved with strategies. I was just as good or better than most of who I termed “elitist” in the radio room, when whatever I might have been seeing was me! Then you jarred me (as much as I hated it but you spared me from the floor) that I was asking for trust when I too, as Dick put it, should have been shot for feeding the negativity of one of the most malicious defectors. That I too have that defector in me. I still want to say to myself I couldn’t have been more responsible than anyone else, but I am, and thanks to you, I can use it to start to re-create & be productive for Communism. It hurts to realize I have for so long wanted your approval rather than just doing things because it’s right, because it’s for struggling for oppressed people.
I couldn’t relate to going back to the States, I couldn’t make it nor do I want to make it, but until just shortly did I feel the real struggle (and it is feeling too little) for others of the world. I had the conscience of being perfectly contented with building socialism for just us & then Guyana could follow & evolution could come from here. But this is what the news has done for me, made me think & deal with suffering of others deal with that I certainly don’t deserve this socialism more than they. Thank you again for not shooting me – I know your love I took for granted. In fascism the cause of a defector plus the defector gets shot.
Terry
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[Editor’s Note: These meditations quoted by Terry Carter Jones were written by Lynetta Jones.]
Meditation Nov. 3, 1972
Perhaps it does support some comfort to the victim of a nagging conscience to seem to have had a reason, however false, to testify in some small way the evil wrought against his fellow men. Thus evasion leads to obsession and the outward manifestation is [illegible word] to downgrade those who have done (him or her) no harm.
It is unwise to sponsor “peace” while promoting discord such as “watch Jim, she is up to no good” and when the listener protests that he has seen no dirty work being done by so & so (Jones) the pacemaker counsels, sagely “wait and see – So & so will undermine you just like she did me.” Time passes, sometimes years of time and the prophecy remains unfulfilled. Who could blame “So & so,” then, if the warned “watching the author of the warning only to find that it was she who was doing the dirty work she had been accusing so & so of doing and that so & so had not undermined her in the first place.
I have never seen love, favor, friendship, condition or things or members of persuaders with which I would not dare to differ in defense of “Right.”
I could not quarrel with the color of person, animal or thing for I have gazed too long upon the sweet enchantment of God’s universal decor and listened too well to the wail of the abandoned and the oppressed whose color, often, did not match mine, but whose pain was no less for all that.
And color: reminds me, tonight, of the bastard word, “nigger,” spun off from the word “niggard,” which rolls so glibly from the terms of the ignorant and the uncaring. ‘Tis strange that all the niggardly I have met have been “white.”
Meditation Nov. 4, 1972
Wonder why some folk think I am “not aware” of their part in the late contact on James and the churchmen or that I would have been too stupid to have documented my findings all along. Lurid story tho about the big “Buck Nigger” moving up to challenge her in the driveway of this so-called well armed hideaway (after midnight) as she innocently rode with the bellwether of the (so-called questionable flock and was no doubt
[End of document]
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EE-1-I&J-29
Review of letter from Terry Carter Jones to her father
P.O. Box 893
Georgetown, Guyana
S.A.
Carolyn,
Terry [Carter] gave me this to mail to her Dad. I didn’t clean it because of what she says about the government and our schools and because she says it rains everyday. I also think she should write more positive stuff about down here – not just their work. She needs to write as he is inquiring about not hearing from them. I already had
[Written over address: Mr. F.E. Carter, 206 W. 42nd. St. Boise, Idaho]
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her rewrite this once. Also, she does not say if their kids go to town w/them.
[illegible signature]
Maybe I’m all wet but after I fucked up w/my dad – I just imagine everything being twisted around & appearing in 500 newspapers.
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EE-1-I&J-31
Undated letter from Terry Carter Jones to her father
Dear Dad,
I know this is letter is long overdue. I just keep busy and the time passes so quickly. 1) Thank you for the Mothers Day Card it was very sweet. It certainly made me feel good. Speaking of that all your Grandchildren are just fine. I have some recent pictures and as soon as they get developed I’ll send you some.
You asked how they decide who goes to G/Town. Well we have teams or groups of people who perform different function. It just so happens Mike [Carter], Tim [Carter] & I sometimes land these at the same time. Mike does radio maintenance and purchasing. Tim Public Relations and I probably won’t be going as often now that I’m training, but I will be going. I ran errands and coordinated the household. You asked me if the school is accredited, no not yet.
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Our grammar & high school have been, but the college is being worked on. I don’t think it will be any problem since it was the Govt. who told us to go ahead and start it. Between studying, working & taking care of Chae Ok & I my other children. I am a very person! Lew [Jones] helps alot he’s great with kids. I’m sorry I haven’t written though I think of you all the time, but I know you must worry so I’ll start doing better. Chae Ok is already too independant it won’t be long before he’s doing it to me. Sow [So] how are things w/you & Uncle Bun? Fine I’m sure. I hope Uncle Bun is feeling better now. I am sure glad your health has remained ok. I’m glad summer is coming for you. Right now its the rainy season, it rains everyday almost all day. Hard on getting clothes dry! Well I promise I won’t take so long next time. I love you very much
Terry & Chae Ok
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EE-1-I&J-33
Undated note from Terry Carter Jones to Jim Jones
To: Jim
Re: Hostilities
My hostels are, I’m hostile at times, when I have to follow structure when I don’t want to. I’m hospital when you make me face reality when I still try to hold on to illusions. I’m hostile at times when people I don’t like get more time w/you than I do and they don’t even appreciate it or learn from it. (I’m speaking of Harriet [Tropp]) I know you do this for our own good. I know myself I need structure, this doesn’t both me all the time only when I’m not trying to become a [drawing of a zero].
Sexual feelings toward you, I don’t have any. You are my dad I prefer it this way. You have made me feel I have self worth by just filling my need as a Parent. Honestly sometimes I have felt I was weird because all the people I have more or less been friends with have related to you sexually and I think maybe I’m not looking hard enough at myself. This used to confuse me alot. I haven’t
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thought about for it for a long time.
I love hearing about the experiences of the early Peoples Temple. To me its fascinating it also shows your character how you have sacrificed your whole life for this movement. The old times of the church are also proof that you have done all these things that are said to have been done. I think their stories and testimonies should definitely be in part of the book.
I just want to thank you for all you have done for my life. No doubt I would have been dead on drugs. (I always took too much). What touched me when I came was that I was given food a bed and a real family structure (the ranch) I had no home or a house. I stayed w/ so-called friends who wanted me. For the first time I felt secure and needed. Thank you for saving me and giving me a purpose. I certainly didn’t deserve it.
Terry
I could say more I just know how much reading you have
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Then she said she felt much better talking to me. That she had just needed someone to talk to. That she knew she shouldn’t be so weak, and she would overcome this and get stronger. Said she knew I would go and tell you, and she didn’t want you to be concerned about her. She felt much better about it all now. She had just needed to talk.
Said she doesn’t believe Debbie [Layton Blakey] ever really understood Socialism or Marxism. Said she was here because of you, but she doesn’t think Debbie ever really understood the philosophy. I agreed with her. Then we talked about the move “Z” which she was quite interested in.
(I suggest that Marcie try to befriend Lisa [Layton].)
Lisa said she felt terrible for being so weak, because she knew you had had to deal with all the people who had betrayed you. [Handwritten addition: “Said she was so glad that govt here is supporting us now.
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[Handwriting continues]
I went back and talked to her for a long time after writing this note, and she seemed fine, was totally positive towards you. Concerned about your health & said we just couldn’t get along without you here, no one could take your place.
(P.S. She told me yesterday she didn’t trust Kay Nelson. I told her all the positives about Kay.) Said as a real estate woman, she thinks she can snow people.) Lisa lives w/ Kay and Clara Johnson among others, but said everyone’s been nice there.)
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EE-1-I&J-58
Undated note to Jim Jones from Terry Carter Jones
Dad,
I just want to apologize to you for being so self-centered this evening and complaining about Patty [Cartmell], & those clothes. Obviously you could do nothing about it, & I was mainly reacting because I don’t like Patty. I shouldn’t be that way at all, she does bring us money which helps relieve your mind a little, which is more than I have done. I feel very ashamed for being so petty. I want to thank you so much for just being our leader & trying to raise our consciousness (if we’d let you) to that of a real revolutionary thinker, one who feels & acts that way too. I’m far from being there, as such actions show, as tonight. I hope some
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day I’ll be able to help you instead of pulling on you as all others do. Thank you for being patient w/me.
Terry
I have also gossiped about others which I will stop.
Jim
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EE-1-I&J-117
Undated note to Jim Jones from Terry Carter Jones
Jim,
I just wanted to say of course I agree not to give anything to Tim Stoen because I do think he is probably sold out anyway. I think it is another move to try to get you to leave here and go back to the U.S. I’m sure he thinks that telling lyes about our finances and tying up people involved in that to have to stay in the US and not be able to leave will cause you back. (I would think you would go back to help them, so I’m trying to think like he would) I wanted to say also, Tim J. asked me if I thought you were out of danger because of what I said last night. I wanted to clarify if that’s what I sound like I don’t think at all your out of danger. I first thought immediately they do want to kill you, because that would end the movement. But not without alot of us making a loud and bloody protest which would not look good for a loud and bloody protest which would not look good for them. I think now they are trying to get you kidnapped or more likely even John or Kim to get you to go back to the states so they can [illegible] you there, smear your name make you look like a kook who believed in socialism but also gave chicken guts as a cancer etc. etc. Try to destroy your character and what you stand for communism.
I would also be more than willing to do anything for you and this cause. I would go back, you allowed me to come here first I deserve to go back as anyone. I have lived 9 mos in freedom. I have a responsibility to live now, I have [illegible] OK and I guess if I ever wanted a future to be it would be now so he and other children can live. I just wanted to say if we can not live in communism as you have taught and been our example. I don’t think our children would have a future anyway and I would rather we go as a group.
I appreciate you talking w/ us and giving us facts. I’m interested and want to be helpful. I’ve never been [illegible word, could be cross-out] on strategy so I know often I don’t verbalize. Others seem to say it much better. I will do as you want Thank you
Your daughter
Terry
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