Undated Note to Jim Jones from Sandi Cobb Jones
EE-2-b-14a – 14b
Father,
Would it be all right if I go to Jonestown when the boat goes next time. As far as immigration calls anybody could fill them just like I did for Debbie. I’m sure that somebody else can do a better job. As far as Tim it was unreal to think that him and I could make it this far. Nothing has changed, except he’s more cocky and I just hold it in more. I assure you that I won’t have anything going on with Albert [Touchette] because I don’t like him and I’m not going to hurt anybody again just because of my insecurities. If I can’t go to Jonestown I’ll volunteer to go back to the States and help Christine [Cobb Young] get Mona [Young] get over here, or testify against the troublemakers, or anything else. I would appreciate it very much if you would let me go.
If Christine can’t get Mona I would not want to stay here or Jonestown because I know that Mona would have been with her mom or in an institution now if it had not been for me wanting her and you fighting for it. She is my responsibility not anyone else’s, and I couldn’t deprive my mom from being with her children, this family, or this nation. So if worse comes to worse and she can’t come would it be all right if I go back and keep her. Besides socialism and you – she’s all I got.
Thank You, Sandi Cobb
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Undated Note to unknown recipient from Sandi Cobb Jones
EE-2-h-3a
Tell Hazel [Newell] and Herbert [Newell] hi!
If you don’t throw this away at least put it away in a safe place in my loft. I don’t trust your house to hold my feelings in.
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Undated Note to unknown recipient, likely Cleveland Newell, from Sandi Cobb Jones
EE-2-h-3b
[Editor’s note: The beginning of this letter has not yet been located. The first paragraph is typed, with the balance of the note handwritten.]
Well I guess I still have more to say. If you knew that I thought I was pregnant why didn’t you ever try to come to talk to me at the radio and see how I was doing. The more I think the more I figure out why you did what you did to me. Tell Leslie [Wagner Wilson] to send me a letter with somebody too she can explain this to me I trust her more anyway. I use [used] to trust you but I don’t see why I should do that now. Also tell her to send my suitcase back to me, maybe she can send the letter in that wrapped up in something then I’ll be sure to get it, as long as she gives it to someone to bring. Well I guess that you don’t want to hear whatever else I have to say it’s probably not effecting you anyway.
You have no doubt kissed off whatever I am, could be or was, and tried for something better in your mind and no doubt this is all a waste of time but don’t you think after what I gave – not body etc., my honesty, concern, and my love – (which was not enough) that you at least should try to explain yourself in some way. I don’t think it’s asking too much if it is just forget it. Tear this shit up when you finish reading. I must be a fool or easy sucker ‘cause I thought someway somehow it could’ve worked out but I was wrong and now I understand I didn’t have that much to offer you. And whatever you had to offer, you didn’t want to, and I accept that for whatever the hell it is and I ain’t going to act no fool or bother you etc. I ain’t laying no trips nowhere ‘cause maybe you did it and it was my fault. I don’t know what I want to. But don’t worry I won’t bother you. If it don’t fit don’t force it, and I can definitely let it go. Take care of yourself and be good. Monyelle said hi! I wish the boat would leave so they wouldn’t add onto this letter every day. I say I won’t and I do anyway! I guess I explained all of this stuff happened to me before. I don’t know if you knew it I was pregnant and Tim went with her. And she knew it and I’ve hated her ever since and still do. If nothing else pride wouldn’t let me go back with you after you approached her. Yes I’m pissed and upset and I want to understand. You had all of these places moving in etc. What were you trying to fuck with my head? I guess you don’t understand the word loyal. If I sound bitter I am, but I’ll just drop it without and quit harassing you. Work for Dad and Socialism.
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[Editor’s note: The following two pages are in reverse order on the original PDF.]
EE-2-h-3d
Cleveland [Newell]. Here is a piece of paper & pen. W/B [Write back]!!
I don’t know if you have received any of my letters, but I know you’ll get this one. My first letter I told you how much I missed you, my second one told you how much I hated you, and Leslie’s told how much you hurt me etc. First thing I want to clear up is I’m not pregnant. Second thing is I want to go ahead and do whatever you want to do with whoever you want to do it with. You don’t have to wait to see what I say or if I’ll object. You can take somebody to the committee with my blessings!! Third thing is you can take the things out of my loft if you want them back or you can wait until I get there. I want you to know at first I was shocked and hurt when I heard that you had approached Shanda [Oliver] [Additional note in margin: “You told me not to believe what I heard until I ask you, and I’m doing just that. Be honest. I heard this from a reliable source!!)] and asked her to go to the committee with you and to fuck you. I didn’t understand why you would just do that to me knowing that I thought we were together and I was being loyal to you. I didn’t think I had done anything to deserve this. But I realize I was weak and I let you take advantage of me. You didn’t have
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EE-2-h-3c
to respect me. So as long as I left you just ran over me right? I’d appreciate some response to that one. I was very honest about myself with you, and I thought you were with me, but now I see that I was wrong on a one-way street. Now you’ve answered your question who was going to break us up. And you were so worried about me liking Tim, I wish I could, then I wouldn’t have to, never mind. Anyway I know you hate me etc. or whatever. But if nothing else I think you owe me some type of explanation. When I get back, I want to talk to you if we have anything to say to each other (which will be as soon as my replacement comes in on the Albatross). Until then I’d appreciate a letter explaining yourself in some way. Here are some letters sent to you. [Marginal note: “I wrote on one! Sorry, huh?”] send me an answer with Evelyn or Lisa when they’re about to get on the boat to give to me. If you don’t send a letter, cool, I won’t bother you, now or when I get home. If you do we can talk only because I want to understand what I did wrong and I’m still going to go my way. I think being alone is fine for me and you took the first step to make it that way. I heard you were on security. Good, work hard for Dad because he’s the one who deserves your best and that’s all.
Sandi
[Additional note at top of page]
I hope that you do, if not now, find somebody who you can be faithful to and who will be faithful to you. I know it’s crazy, you really shit on me. But I did like you. I know I was too weak but maybe somebody else and you can hit it off. Maybe one day it will be Shanda [Oliver]! Good luck.
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EE-2-h-4a – 4d
[illegible four-page note]
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Undated Letter to Jim Jones from Sandi Cobb Jones
EE-2-h-12a
Dad,
I’m sorry to be bothering you again but I know that you know I have been talking to Cleveland [Newell] since I got home and if you didn’t know I wanted to tell you. When I was talking to him explaining to him what was happening with me, why I had not talked to him on the radio etc. when I told him about what he had done to Shanda [Oliver], he denied it, and said he’d rather get with her and you to clear this up, because he hadn’t said anything like that to her. He said that the only time they had talked she had made some smart ass comment about me as a bed partner or as somebody’s bed partner. Maybe she was lying or misunderstanding something when he talked to her. Or maybe she lied altogether personally. I’d believe the latter knowing how much I dislike her and vice versa. Anyway he said he was going to talk to you about it tonight. I
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EE-2-h-12b
hope that he does. And whatever happens gets cleared up. I like him and I know it’s probably wrong by everybody else’s standard but if he didn’t do it I don’t see what’s wrong with it. I apologize for writing these stupid ass letters to Leslie [Wegner Wilson] and Cleveland. I’m glad that they didn’t get them. I was upset, paranoid etc. when I wrote them. I imagined everything was happening here. As far as everybody thinking I should confide in Ava [Cobb Jones], I think or know I wouldn’t or couldn’t because she has been so hypocritical with me about not liking Tim [Tupper Jones] or whatever so I just don’t do it. She says one thing to me but does another thing in front of people. But I’m glad that she’s not on my side. I did try to make up for being a fool by trying to work, but I know it’s not as much as I should’ve. I didn’t want
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EE-2-h-12c
to be trying to sneak anything. That’s why I wrote to you. I rather have this stuff straightened out because if it’s just her word against his, I believe his. I’ve been through this same situation with her except I was pregnant and with Tim and he swore he hadn’t done anything. Maybe he did after all. But I just can’t believe what that girl says. If it’s true then I’m wrong. I would also rather not work in the radio room splitting up the time with Shanda. I prefer not to be in touch with her in any way. I just rather be a house parent and work in the fields. But if I’m really needed to be in the radio room and Larry [Schacht]’s office I’ll do it because none of it is half as much of what you have to put up with.
Thank you,
Sandi
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Undated Letter to Jim Jones from Sandi Cobb Jones
EE-2-h-15a – 15e
[Editor’s note: Spelling and grammatical errors corrected throughout.]
Father,
I thought I’d write a letter to explain my actions so you can understand what I’m doing. Well I started liking Cleveland [Newell] not to hurt Tim [Tupper Jones] but at the time Tim didn’t really care. We just knew them everything would be better as long as we were apart. We didn’t fuss, I could talk to him and vice versa (or at least I thought so). I know everybody kept saying he was no good etc. But I didn’t really listen because I’ve heard so much about myself for just about the same people or their attitudes. Unless I liked Tim I’d just be this and that so it drew me closer out of my own hostility to Cleveland. Anyway, I was a fool I know and it’s not so much that I didn’t think it would happen. In fact I wouldn’t have been taken by it if it had been somebody else but it was Shanda [Oliver]. And the same thing happened I was pregnant and Tim wanted Shanda so I just have an abortion by myself and she knew too. That’s one reason I was upset or surprised… That girl is just my carma [karma] I know that.
Anyway I don’t mind etc. that’s life so I don’t let it affect me. I’m sorry I let myself get into this predicament. I know I’m a disappointment to you and you’re upset. I expect that. I want to go to the doctor etc. by myself because if I am pregnant I got this way by myself. And I expect everybody to be upset with me and I don’t need any comforting etc. I’m fine. As far as me going with Tim I know everybody says I’m making a mistake. I probably am but I don’t really believe it in my mind. I don’t blame anything on Tim, it’s me. But we agreed so much. I know everybody does and the last few weeks we were almost physically fighting. I know Tim didn’t mean any harm etc. but he has always reminded me that I wouldn’t [have] done this or got that, if I hadn’t been married to him, which is no doubt true but my only identification of myself was through him. Of course he told me I was smart etc. I don’t hate him, maybe it’s just a block or something, I only want to be friends with him because that’s only what I feel and anything else would be a lie. I know I’m not worth anything without him or at least not half as much. I’m not trying to hurt him or get back at him because I don’t have anything to get back at him for. And since Cleveland made his choice, fine, he can go, it’s no big thing. But I don’t want any relationship with nobody. I may be wrong but I made up my mind. Tim can have a relationship with somebody else maybe sooner or later. I want him to be happy and his relationship to be happy. I’m sure he will be. I just want to have my life without males. As far as this lab goes I like to come home and get Monyelle [Jones] settled and be able to study there for a while and then come back to do it. I’d like to get familiar with the subjects before trying to learn something that will take longer. I thought I was to learn blood typing, cross matching etc. for transfusion, and he sent me a list of everything else except that. I don’t want to appear all ignorant when I’m trying to learn something I can’t pronounce. I’d also like to get Monyelle’s and Marchelle’s [Jones] birth certificates and passports. Then I’ll come back to GT [Georgetown]. I think it will take 2-3 months here and I’d rather have Monyelle in JT. I’m sorry to be taking all of your time
[Document ends]
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EE-1-I&J-91
Undated note to Jim Jones from Sandi Cobb Jones
Dad,
I would like to know if it would be alright for Tim to move away from me. He wants to move and we both think it would be a good idea. It isn’t working out even though we both avoid arguments. I don’t think it’s an issue about anybody liking somebody else and if it was so what I don’t expect him or anyone to like me my whole life. I know Tim has a lot of goodness about him I have never doubted that. He has a very loyal committment to you and this cause. But together we just don’t make it. Both of us would like to know if he could move. I don’t think our break up would harm the adoption process. I wouldn’t deny him seeing the baby because it is just as much his as it is mine. We don’t hate each other and I’m not going to hold anything against him and I hope he won’t hold anything against me. Thank you for all the time you’ve wasted on us I’m sorry I put you through it.
Thank-You,
Sandi
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EE-1-I&J-105
Undated letter to Jim Jones from Sandi Cobb Jones
Dad,
I hope that this letter is not long because I know that you don’t have that much time and you have to many things to worry about. But I think I should let you know where I am and where I intend to go. I want to thank you for the trust that you put in me last night. I hope to prove that your trust was worth it. I know you put a lot of trust in me in P.C, but I let you down by getting caught up in self. You asked us to write about guilt. First I feel guilty for not taking my part in leadership here in Jonestown. There is no excuse for it just a bunch of rationalization. I know that I can do about 100 times more and I owe it to you socialism to do more. I have had a inner hostility of frustration actually. It seemed to me if I took leadership people never let you rest, you get in trouble easy, it was a thankless job. But I realized I felt that way because I felt I deserved more, above zero. I also didn’t want much to do with leadership because I felt I got in the middle to much of each different leadership group and I’d get pissed and felt better being away then trying to cope with it. I wanted to take a back seat and follow. Then a couple weeks ago I start looking at you and seeing you go on in leadership, working 32 hours a day for us. I then knew I should do more but I felt like after coping out for so long how did I get back into being a part? Watching you have to do everything for the cause then people just get hostile at you, or demand your time I felt bad and even though they do it I know I owe you more for what you’ve done for black people and my ass included. I know black people haven’t taken that leadership yet and you’ve been asking and pleading for so long. We’ve let you
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EE-1-I&J-106
down this is a family made up mostly for black people and we have taken a back seat. I am willing to do more and be called on. I’ll do any job around here the only thing that is hard for me to cope with is the radio room. I wouldn’t like to be in leadership in there although I know I will do it if you ask. It’s hard for me to relate to sex one of my hang-ups. I know it’s what you had to do but when I get around the radio room staff and I know what made them follow you then being judgemental like I am when I see them get an attitude or get upset at you or something. I get pissed at them because they have got a little bit more out of you. But you go on. But being realistic I have got more of your time then the ordinary worker who works hard because of my self-centerness so I can’t come down that hard on any of them. I have stop calling that race thing too. It’s a rationalization. At least they are in there doing it and getting the job done. The reason I felt bad is because Shanda was getting more into leadership. But all black people could do it now. I’m glad that she has gone forth and done it since I waited on my ass while a job needed to be done. I haven’t been a good example because I haven’t assumed as much responsibility as I know I can. I feel guilty because of the inhumanity done unto all poor peoples of the world and I haven’t been helping enough here so that maybe one day their situations will be changed. I don’t know if I’m explaining myself or if you understand cause I don’t express myself as well as I could. I do feel like you are my Dad and I owe you a lot and I let you down like a dummy and I feel guilty for that. I am writing all I been wanting to say to you but I’ve been so scared to try to do it. I want to say it all so you know where I am. I should’ve came to you about me and Tim but I was
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EE-1-I&J-107
scared I thought I’d get yelled out etc. So I by passed everything and ignored you on that subject and dying inside. The things that went wrong was both of us did things. I know I’m moody and hard to deal with but I guess it got worse as time went on I care about what happens to him and I know he cares about what happens to me but in a relationship we just don’t make it. I don’t hate him. I can still talk to him and work with him. Right now we both realize that we’re better off apart being friends has worked out for us. Right now I’m interested as far as relationship wise goes in somebody else. Will it work? I don’t know. Seems like I’d be smart enough to realize that I won’t get any place in a relationship but like a fool I’m trying. I guess I love myself so much I’d like for somebody else to without arguing constantly. I know I’m not going to get emotionally involved with anybody, at least not like I was. Tim told me he had talked to you. I was glad he had but guilty that I didn’t and you’re my Dad too but his more. I don’t think I hurt him a lot by this, I know he agreed and wanted it just as much. I’m glad he likes somebody else and I think she won’t hurt him like I did many times. She’s got a lot of good qualities that I lack. And I hope it works out for him. About dying, I feel I could do it whenever necessary cause all the shit, hurts, and pains, trying to do something and getting no place all of that frustration would be over. I know that’s why while I’m living I should work harder to get more done. I never had nothing to really care about fight for, live for, or die for, until I really came to understand what you were talking about and being here in Jonestown it’s all more realistic. I’d hate to die of just old age if I’m going to die whenever I want it to be a part of this revolution. No matter how significant it is not. You saved my life so many times and gave me life so
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EE-1-I&J-108
I do owe it to you. I don’t want this just to be a lot of words. I plan to live it more, study, work harder at my job. At first I didn’t understand why the new approach with problems. But I realize you have tried every nice way and people are still stuck in to many capitalistic ways. I know you would tolerate the music and parties more if the people especially the young people worked harder and took more of an interest in Communism. I do understand why you had to assume the D of P role and I see it as being the only way if we are to continue on towards Communism, I am willing to do whatever I can and learn more as far as security wise. Especially with the traitors that left. I use to look up to them so much when I was little but I’m glad I looked up to you even more. I hate them all for the pain and hell they’ve put you through. I have had a weak point Mona, I was thinking maybe you’d let me go back and take care of her if she couldn’t come here or kill her and me so she wouldn’t have to get with them. But I’m beginning to realize she’s young, and she’ll enjoy a life that’s decent to her no matter who it’s with. I think I’ve dreamed up 1,000 ways to kill them if you need somebody to volunteer my hand is always raised. I appreciate the honesty you had with us in P.C. I’m sorry they were to selfish to face it and used it against you. I’m sorry for all of the off and on times I have had and all the times you had to placate me to get me to do something. I’ve messed a lot of things up and messed up males minds. I just want to be worth something to you and this cause. I want to settle down and work for communism. I’m almost 22 and I’ve gone through a lot of hell and I’m growing up and I want to continue to do more.
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EE-1-I&J-109
I don’t want to be in the limelight. If I’m still needed in leadership I’ll do it so let me know. Next Wed. the baby goes in the nursery full time so my schedule will be filled in. I’m trying to go to housing committee to be a house parent and work in Dr. Schacht’s office. But I’ll do whatever. With all of the lab people here I can easily do something else. I don’t really want to get to much education because everyone who has have all used it to get money and get against us. Even though I do like medicine a lot. I’ll be the secretary for security if Shanda has to many duties. I’m not going to let things stay inside, I’m not going to bother you and I’m sorry this is so messy and long. You’ve been honest with me so I can do nothing less. I hope that the people in the meeting don’t let your trust down. I don’t trust some of them that much but you do so it’s our duty to make sure they’re responsible. Do all SAT rovers have to be in it? I hope the group stays serious about it and in a couple of months I hope they don’t let it fall apart and think it’s not real. I hope I prove worthy of your trust. You, the children and a few seniors made me realize I was to self-centered. And Leslie told me that we as black people should be ashamed on how we’ve let you down. Thank you for your time and understanding.
Thank-You,
Sandi
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EE-1-I&J-144
Undated letter to Jim Jones from Sandi Cobb Jones
From Sandi
Dad,
I know that it is the worse time to come to you with this. Especially since it is the same old thing every once in a while it’s the same old subject. I am sorry to bring this to you because I know that you’re not feeling well and the life of this organization is on you alone. Tim and I as far as I see it just aren’t making it. I know no relationship makes it maybe one day they will but not until we or our children loose all capitalistic values. Tim doesn’t think that’s there is any problem and that it’s just me going off half cocked. Johnny thinks that he pays more attention to me here than in the states which I have to agree and add that here he does have a job that requires his time so he is putting forth an effort. I think that the problem is with me. I know that I am paranoid about everything. I know that Tim does care about me just like I care about him but I think his likes have decreased I think it’s because of stupid things that I have done that makes him care less. So I know that what I’m feeling now and whatever
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EE-1-I&J-145
the problem is, it’s mostly my fault. We have or I have been arguing because I know Tim has changed. I don’t think he wants to have a child right now with me at least. I mean he wants to then he doesn’t wants to is ruling right now. After my period the first night that we almost had sex he wanted to use a rubber which may no sense to me. So when I wanted to know why he became upset and refused to give me an explanation and he says he had the right to do it and not explain it to me. I have questioned him why the rubbers at all which he refuses (why he has them) to answer for and doesn’t think that he has to. We had been arguing before the subject came up about me being pregnant. But we worked it out almost. Since the argument about the rubbers we haven’t been talking. I have been but he says I’m inventing a problem. He says he knows and I know that I won’t leave him and that if I ever have a baby it will be by him so I might as well stop arguing. True about having a baby. but I feel one reason why you wanted us to have a baby is to help ease the hurt
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EE-1-I&J-146
we exprienced. Yes, I do have some kind of an emotional upset when I think about it which I do and I wish I could have a child. But going through all of those changes have their emotional drawbacks too. This morning we argued because I had hid his rubbers. He wanted them back and I asked why did he need them if he wanted a baby, he said that it was none of my buisness what he wanted them for and what he used them for. He puts the attitude out that if I don’t have him it’s nobody a baby with him or none. I know it’s true but I don’t appreciate his attitude. I do know that leaving him is leaving the Jones’, my respect as some kind of involvment with leadership, and the people’s respect. I don’t really care how people think of me because most of them that have come in contact with me anyway portray me or think of me wrongly. I don’t hate Tim. He didn’t want me to sell him out by writing any personal feelings that I might have. I’m saying the problem is mostly my fault. I have tried to talk to him but he refuses and says that there is no problem. And to drop it. I told him I didn’t think it
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was right not to talk about it only because he chose not to. I don’t really want any counciling or you to go through any heartbreak over us. There’s always been a part of our relationship that was halfway working and the other half wasn’t, isn’t worth shit. I would like to move into C-29 with Shawntiki, Walter and Yvette (Cottage of school children). And take Clarence with me. And as far as having children I had Mona since she was 2 months so that’s baby enough for me. Tim is only 18 and I am sorry that I tied him up at such a young age by getting pregnant. I do want him to go on and like, live with himself or somebody else. I have felt like if it had’ve been somebody else instead of me his relationship couldn’t worked out. Probably was nobody else better for me but not the same with him.
Self Criticism: I am one of the people who had the misunderstanding of Revolution and I was just ready to die and not think about the children’s lives, especially since I have had one. I was ready to die because a fight would have meant it. But I didn’t really consider revolution meaning life and Death. Thank-you for your time and tolerance level of me.
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EE-1-I&J-148
Undated letter to Jim Jones from Sandi Cobb Jones
Father,
I am very sorry to be taking up your time, so I will make this as short as possible. Tim and I have decided that we should break up and forget it. I suggested it after fussing so long. For four years we have always argued a lot and never seem to get anything settled. I know that we got married because I was pregnant. But that is no longer necessary anymore. We don’t get along so this would be best. I have made up my mind that I don’t want any children now or later and besides there’s always a chance that the child could be born anemic like I was passed down by my mom and if I have any kidney defects the child could. Tim has made up his mind that he does want children later. We have already discussed it and there’s nothing that’s making our relationship necessary. I did marry him when he was to young for it. There is no need now to drag on something that doesn’t work. I’m sorry if I am disappointing you. Tim wants to talk to you so I guess he can say whatever else is necessary. Thank you for your time.
Thank-you Father,
Sandi
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