I’d like to express my feeling toward our decision last night. Frankly, I was very disappointed that we decided to live. I know I’m very selfish but I was getting very impatient at the debate over the whole thing – I wanted to do it right away. Especially when a blood bath is a certain reality – I voted to die now and will not have the responsibility of seeing our children go through the hell of battle or hear their screams. Again I’m being selfish but it’s not death I fear … it’s living … I do not want to live anymore!
I didn’t ask about the other people who weren’t here because I know that as many times as this has been seriously considered that arrangements for that have already been made – I apoligize for falling the decision on you. I still would have the masses committed suicide and leave a deligation to meet the boat when they came in.
It would be so beautiful to die a very peaceful death with my family. I’m so very sorry that we didn’t go through with it. Please override the decision of those who are afraid to die before this traitor brings all hell down upon us.
Maybe I’m not reflecting upone myself enough – but I don’t want to live anymore.