The Pain That Never Leaves

It has been 26 years since Jonestown.

Of course my life is totally different from when I had two beautiful children, Ron and Nancy Sines. I have no grandchildren, no family, absolutely no one to go on after me. This is a very sad feeling, not something a lot of people would realize. This is not exactly what most people anticipate how their lives will be when they get married. I’m not wanting – or looking – for sympathy. This is just a statement of fact, a statement of loss.

I know that so many others are in the same boat as I. It’s just that my Ron and Nancy are SO missed, and not having them with me all these years and their families that could have been, this I’ve missed and dream of. I think of the lives lost and the accomplishments they would have added to our world. So many of them that died, so much loss. So many beautiful people. So many that were so greatly loved. So many talented.

My days I try to keep very busy. Idle time always leads to thoughts of them, and this hurts, so I find that keeping my mind learning and hands busy and helping others when I can is my way of staving off depression (which I had enough of for several years).

This is just a mother talking and remembering, and it hurts deeply.

This is my broken heart talking.

(Barbara Sines was the mother of Ron Sines and Nancy Sines, who died in Jonestown. Barbara’s desire to see the completion of a Jonestown memorial at Evergreen Cemetery was a driving force towards its placement and dedication in May 2011. She died on January 15, 2014.)