I Can’t Pretend Anymore

by Jack Arnold Beam

I wrote this song in the fall of 2020 for a podcast Shannon Howard is putting together on Peoples Temple. She had ask me to write something, and this is what I came up with. These were my feelings when I made up my mind to leave the Temple, after getting to the bottom of what Jim Jones was all about.

I thought I found what I wanted in life but my hopes have faded away
I didn’t know who you really are ‘cause all that’s left is pain
When the dream fell apart I knew I’d have to choose
Then go with what I know and just deal with the truth
I can’t ignore this cheatin and lyin you must think I’m blind
I’ve seen the string of heartless schemes too many times

I can’t pretend anymore
That my eyes don’t see
I can’t pretend anymore
When all you do is deceive
I can’t pretend anymore
It’s time for me to leave
I’ve made up my mind
to bring this whole thing to an end
It’s over now I just can’t pretend

Empty broken promises that you’ve tried to deny
You know I know what’s going on so don’t act surprised
Save your lines for someone who don’t know you’ll wreck their life
The love that once made me feel alive has finally died
And to think there’s no limit to the things that you might do
But when the word gets out on you you’ll be the one to lose

I can’t pretend anymore
That my eyes don’t see
I can’t pretend anymore
When all you do is deceive
I can’t pretend anymore
It’s time for me to leave
I’ve made up my mind
to bring this whole thing to an end
It’s over now I just can’t pretend

I still don’t know what made me believe
I thought you were the one
But I gotta get away from these memories
Those games you play just don’t work on me

I can’t pretend anymore
That my eyes don’t see
I’ve made up my mind
to bring this whole thing to an end
It’s over now I just can’t pretend

River Dog Music
Jack A. Beam
c BMI

(Jack Arnold Beam is a former member of Peoples Temple who left with his wife Cinthia in November of 1975, no longer wanting to be associated with Jim Jones who had turned into a despot. His previous writings for this site may be found here.)

Originally posted on December 10th, 2020.

Last modified on December 17th, 2020.
Skip to main content