Undated Notes to Jim Jones from Carolyn Looman on Tim Stoen
EE-2-k-1
To: Jim
From: Carolyn Looman
Re: TOS [Timothy Stoen] – Agent
Just a thought about Tim’s CIA connections: He reminds me of the Louis Tackwood story in Glass House Tapes, how Tackwood apparently (my memory isn’t fresh) lived two entirely separate lives, in a kind of successful schizophrenia, in which he kept life intact and may have lived each one with a kind of sincerity. I remember getting the same impression of the man who was Dennis Banks’ security chief at the same time he was working for the FBI. He risked his life in daring efforts to save the Indians, etc.
An awesome phenomenon.
—–
EE-2-k-2a – 2d
To: Jim
From: Carolyn Looman
Sunday
I still don’t recall any thoughts at all related to the words “conscious or unconscious treason,” & it bothers me that I don’t. I hope Tim or I will remember what I said, so I can deal with it straight on.
I’m writing now because my response on the floor last night was inadequate, so I was focusing on the treason quote, which threw me off, and I’d repressed the misgivings I felt after last Tues. meeting, so I didn’t assemble my thoughts quickly enough to give a full explanation of the conversation with Tim. I did say I was disturbed & that was wrong and it was wrong not to write to you as he said.
My concern encompassed more than the issue of the news & did reflect some lingering naïveté about Phil Tracy. I didn’t say I thought Tracy was friendly, but that I’d been told by my brother that Tracy’s original story was not inflammatory and that our intense response had helped bring out the story that was eventually written. Thus I wondered if Tracy had started out as an agent or a dupe. I have a half-baked theory that people who end up doing evil don’t necessarily start out with that intention & I’ve long been curious about the process by which evil comes about. I naïvely see evil in the abstract more than I do in individuals, & I hadn’t fully come to terms with myself.
The rest of my response on the floor was inadequate partly because I didn’t want to express some of my thoughts in front of others, partly because of a defensive reflex that shows I’m still not taking full responsibility for myself.
I do have uneasy feelings about your approach to the coming visitors. I’m reluctant to express them because I know from experience that I’ll later see how I’m totally off base, or at best my sense of timing is off. Either way, I hate to divert your attention with my thoughts. I’m also chicken shit about saying things I think you might consider treasonous – a complicated fear I’m still trying to unravel in my mind.
But I owe you an explanation of it, my thoughts as I spoke to Tim.
It seems that [Don] Freed or anyone like him will see through attempts to cover or misrepresent certain aspects of Jonestown life, e.g. the number of people living in cottages, the use of the PA system, the terms “Dad” & “Comrade”, the use of the fist, the position of the nuclear family, & the individual’s control of money. I’m convinced that caution with Freed et al. is absolutely necessary, but I think he would be more critical of the “cover-up” than he would be of any of the realities. It also seems there is little if anything he could say that would do any more harm than the traitors have already made of it. (It’s a relative risk)
Finally I think that the truth about you & Jonestown will hold up, & some people will appreciate it, so long as they can understand it, & if it takes the rest of the world forever to recognize its goodness, then so much the worse for them. I can’t really calculate how callous that viewpoint is. I know that incaution can mean the lives of our comrades in the US or renewed threats to our existence here & inestimable grief for you and harm to your well-being. But I think some people will understand you better, respect you more, or leave you alone even if they disagree with you so long as they can see your honesty & not feel they are being deceived, manipulated, duped or insulted. If they see honesty they are also more likely to question or disagree openly & directly, so some misconceptions could be straightened out instead of festering in locked closets. Again, it’s a relative risk, but I think the risk is greater if an intellectual, egotistical person feels he’s being fed lies.
I know you taken all this into consideration, I just don’t understand your conclusions. I don’t think I’m owed any explanation, & I know I’ll understand more in due time. I wish I had a good radar system to protect danger approaching in people. I don’t, and you do. I am sorry to take up your time.
Carolyn
—–
Undated Note to Jim Jones from Rita Tupper
EE-2-k-3
Jim,
If there is anything I can do to help out in the Jim McElvane situation please know I am willing to do so. He has been a good socialist friend to me, and did help me one time when I was sick, and could not walk for some time. He stayed and helped me while others in the household went to movies, and left me alone, and I literally could not walk (due to my leg and back). When he saw this happening, he came and helped with phone answering etc. so I feel I owe him something for his kindness shown to me. My life means nothing to me, and I would gladly give it up to save him or anyone else that needed it. If he gets arrested I would like to be considered one to help go back and make amends (you understand) blow them and me up or whatever.
/s/ Rita Lenin [Tupper]
—–
EE-2-k-5
Undated Note to Jim Jones from Chris Lund Rozynko on Tim Stoen
Dad,
Can someone, a brother, who Tim does not know, get involved in a sexual relationship with him. Someone knows how to do it. If he can be made to fall in love perhaps he can be diverted from this sickness.
Chris Lund [Rozynko]
—–
Undated Note to Jim Jones from Michael Lund Rozynko
EE-2-k-6
Dear Dad:
From: Mike Lund
I received an excellent plus on the last test.
I have been thinking about that I have received an education of sorts and have developed my memory and reading skills fairly well.
I feel guilty that I would be able to receive “something extra” when many black family members have been disadvantaged but are as much or smarter or more dedicated than I am. I didn’t realize this really, until I tried to help one of my students in a tutoring session (high school) – how much the US school system has messed up our young people’s minds that they haven’t had training in basic skills of study.
I don’t want anything except to be able to have a chance to prove myself loyal and responsible to this cause.
Mike Lund
—–
Thank You Note to Jim Jones from Helen Love, June 1978
EE-2-k-7a – 7b
Sat June 3 – 78
Have been wanting to write you a long time, but I know you know all things. I wrote telling you of trying to make a quilt, to make money for the cause, as you asked us. Thank you for trying to take the test you gave us. I’m trying, please help me, the eyes bother me, a lot of falling set me back a couple of days from the news, when I cracked a rib & had to go to the health stat. I help on rice, so I will be looking at the quilt crochet so long. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me, I couldn’t be in a better place. Only someone steals everything I’m using, no matter my back is turned, my soap from over my head, a good watch I had to repair, and only a piece of plastic to use in case of rain, they took that, a little manicure scissors to cut my work with, & I got so angry I said if I caught them I’d cut them with my knife, so I thought they were just waiting for me to move in to start stealing from me, and to think I would never take anything from anyone.
Thank you to please forgive me for being so angry, for as you know I never cut anyone before when I was so angry I could not think. I want so much to be kind like you, but I’m so far from it. I have no security for they won’t give me one. I used to be with Jeffrey down by your house & when they came here, Alma [Thomas] put her in over me but I thank you for you know why, though I was never late. I thank you for everything Dear, and I love you so much.
Your Helen Love
—–
Note by Lue Ester Lewis on Jim Jones’ Pain, May 1978
EE-2-k-8a
May 27, 1978
Dear Dad,
I feel that your most pains come from people that you love, who work against your stand [on] freedom. People that could be helpful and refuse after seeing your examples. I realize now that pain never stops, I thank you for strength and love.
You are my source of life. I’ve never had a Father like you. I do care and appreciate all blessings.
Thank you Dad
Lue Ester [Lewis]
—–
EE-2-k-8b
Work Project for making money. We could make peanut candy and sell it. The same project we had in US.
—–
Self-Evaluation by Christine Lucientes, July 1978
EE-2-k-9a
July 10, 1978
To: JJ
Fr: CRL [Christine Lucientes]
Re: Requested evaluation
I am not sure what specifically you wanted. I assume it is a self-evaluation. However I am reluctant to express what I feel you will not like hearing, because when I had done it in the past, it has angered you tremendously, i.e. when I expressed that I did not believe that we killed a man and he was eaten. You expressed that indicated a reserve for treason. I feel like I am in a double bind – I need to express where I am at, but I am reluctant to anger you. So I will proceed gingerly…
Faults:
(A) I, like Dick, have always maintained a place of sanction in my thoughts. Whenever I have been most pressured and distraught by what I interpreted as perpetual violations of normal limits of privacy – i.e. crowding – noise – etc. I consoled myself that there is a part of me that no one can touch. I feel that it is a defense against insanity and can see how it could be a reserve for treason, but I don’t know how to dispense with this reserve without becoming a babbling maniac. I don’t really know if it is possible to dispense with this reserve. At this point in time I’m not at a bad spot – it is cyclical and will pass but I am feeling pressured and I get hostile when I am pressured. I am more flexible when I am not pressured and I am more humble. I feel I am capable of being very honest when I don’t have something over my head that can be used against me. I do not feel free because I know if what I say hits you at a bad time, I risk public exposure for my two worst crimes. 1. Sex 2. Money. I would be more honest if I didn’t feel I had something to protect.
(B) Betrayal. I have no desire to be in a position to betray. I don’t want to be outside the borders of Jonestown and I don’t ever expect to. When I came in from G/town [Georgetown] I viewed myself as coming in to fulfill a life sentence. I resolved to myself that I would refuse to go to G/town for any reason whatsoever. I don’t feel that I will betray. As hostile as I have gotten, as skeptical as I am – I know you are getting nothing from this. I am convinced of that
—–
EE-2-k-9b
and I feel that anyone who betrays feels that you are getting something out of leading. I can say that I have disagreements with you that I view some things differently than you but no way can I be convinced that you are getting anything but overall pain and that has convinced me when I have had my questions about policies.
(C) Family. They offer nothing that attracts me. José, in fact, wrote me that all his life he has wanted to be in the position that he is in now – free to do what he wants, go where he wants, work where, when and how he wants … and he can’t get started – he is doing nothing. He said that he never thought it would be like that. I know that boredom – totally doing your own thing and how oppressively boring and unfulfilling that is. I never want to go back to that. After 10 years of divorce, I still am too sentimental about my family. I have feelings and pain about them but I don’t want to go down to their level. I wish that they would come up to the level of Socialism. I don’t believe it would be possible unless it came thru “the barrel of a gun.” Unless they were trapped here – I hate to admit it but I wish they were forced to be here and they would have to change. But there are several billion people of them who deserve that opportunity. So – I admit feelings for the Lucientes’ but no desire to join them.
—–
Undated Suggestion from Rita Tupper
EE-2-k-10a
C.L.
What about letter writing while Norman [Ijames] is here. He perhaps should not see opened mail – should letter writing be held any differently?
Rita Lenin [Tupper]
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Clara Johnson, July 1978
EE-2-k-10b
7-28-78
Dad,
You asked that if we were depressed about anything that we should write about it. In the past I have been depressed about several things. At this time, I’ve managed to convince myself that there is no need to feel that way, but I’m not sure I won’t begin feeling depressed again. I asked for counseling last week or maybe it will be scheduled soon. At one point I really felt that in request that I had made was ignored and I’ve convinced myself that it really doesn’t matter if I ever get the shoes I need, my eyeglasses nor the book that we need for our children here. Since I wrote a letter to you on the 26th, you mentioned the trouble that [Jim] McElvane, Vee [Hollins] & Florida [Johnson] were involved in, so I realize that they don’t have time to bother. But, I wrote a letter to LA after you told me that I could not leave and ask that Isabelle Davis pack the things I needed. That was four months ago. I can’t get shoes here and can’t get the one from the states. Then my feet start hurting, I really don’t know what to do about them. I understand that the warehouse doesn’t have shoes.
—–
EE-2-k-10c
I also suggested to Carolyn Layton, last night, that the Medlocks be told that I am planning to return with evidence that they are unaware of – to testify against them. I do not wish to return to the states but if it should ever become necessary for me to do so, I will. I pledge to do whatever is necessary even if it means giving up my life. Dad you’ve work too hard, suffered & sacrificed too much to make Jonestown a reality and I refuse to sit down and let anyone destroy it. No one could convince me that I was doing the wrong thing following you before I left the states, and now that I’m here – they certainly can’t.
Thank you, Dad,
Clara L. Johnson
—–
Requests from Clara Johnson, July 1978
EE-2-k-10d – 10e
Clara Johnson July 26, 1978
- Would like clarification on the policy of speaking to comrades in Public Service. Saw Ricky [Johnson] and still remembers who [how] he looked at her. She felt bad about it.
- I permission to talk to Florida Johnson on the radio Re: things left in her apartment in LA and needs. Her orthopedic shoes, eyeglasses, could be sent with someone coming over. She also needs to ask her to send some things by surface.
- Medlocks are a very close knit family and because of that she thinks we need to think of ways to divide the family. When she left LA her brother expressed his fears that we/they our being held here against our will. Wade [Medlock] started talking to them before Clara left. One of her brothers Willie waited one whole afternoon, along with Thomas Johnson, to talk to Clara’s mom and children. The phone patch could not be arranged. This brother used to phone every day and cannot understand why Eloise [Williams Sneed] does not write or call. He has offered to pay for a phone call and has spoken to SB [Sandy Bradshaw] several times. Clara has not received one letter from any of them since her arrival here though she has written regularly. If Clara’s family here started writing more and made a couple of calls back and really started to act differently than what the Medlocks told them, clear things that would help. She does not think that the Medlocks would continue to make new charges without some of the support of their family and friends. She also wonders if she should tell her relatives that the Medlocks were also planning to come here, that Mabel [Medlock] also encouraged Syola [Williams] to turn her home in. She even helped Syola withdraw money from the bank. When Clara talked to her sister-in-law, Ann, a few months ago, she said that she talked to Mabel every day. Claire also wonders if it would help for Nell [Smart] to call Willie when she gets back to the states and let him know she has been here. Mabel’s relatives have very little confidence in Wade and Clara feels that we can tear down that little confidence they do have. Clara wonders if the Medlocks could be told that she is planning to return with evidence that they are unaware of to testify against them. I do not wish to return, but will if necessary.
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Clara Johnson, July 1978
EE-2-k-10f
Wednesday, July 26, 1978
Dad,
What is the policy about speaking to comrades in Public Service? I saw Ricky this morning and I can still remember how he looked at me – we didn’t speak. And now that he has run away, I feel especially bad and keep thinking of the way he looked at me. I’m wondering if I had spoken to him and smiled, would it have helped him feel better – I feel guilty about this.
I really wanted to write you concerning two other matters but I feel guilty about taking up your time. You have so much to do – so much to think about.
#1 – Reference to the things I left in my apartment in LA and need – May I have permission to talk to Florida Johnson, on the radio, and ask her to send my orthopedic shoes and eyeglasses over with someone coming soon? I also need to ask her to send some other things by surface. I’ve written several letters to the states but haven’t heard from anyone. I know they are all extremely busy. I feel badly having to ask but I do need the shoes & eyeglasses.
#2 – In reference to the Medlocks – that is a very close knit family – and because of that, I think we need to think of ways to divide the loyalty of family members. When I left LA, my brothers expressed their fears – that we were being held here against our will, & of course the usual lies. Wade started talking to them before I left.
—–
EE-2-k-10g
One of my brothers, Willie, waited one whole afternoon along with Thomas Johnson, to talk to my mom & my children. The phone patch could not be arranged. This brother telephoned my mom every day and he can’t understand why Eloise doesn’t write and won’t call him. He has offered to pay for a telephone call – spoken to Sandy Bradshaw several times. However, I haven’t received one letter from any of them since my arrival here, although I’ve written regularly as you asked. If Eloise, Syola, the children and I start writing more, made a couple of calls back & really began to act differently from what the Medlocks have told them we would act, I think that would help. I don’t think the Medlocks would continue to make new charges if they lose some of the sympathy & support of their family & friends.
I also wonder if it would help tell my relatives that the Medlocks were also planning to come here – that Mabel also encouraged Syola to turn her home over to the Temple, (she even helped Syola withdraw money from the bank – of course I suppose we wouldn’t mention that). But I certainly can tell them that everything they’ve ever given to the Temple they did because they wanted to give it. When I talked to my sister-in-law, Ann, a few months ago – she said that she talked to Mabel every day.
I’m also wondering if it would help for Nell to call Bill (Willie) and let him know that she has been here (when she gets back to the states). Medlock has been telling everybody that we are 7000 miles from the USA. Of course, my relatives checked that out and found him in one lie. Mabel’s relatives here have always had very little confidence in Wade and I think we can very easily tear down what little confidence they might have recently acquired. I think we also need to find out who else the Medlocks are associated with and tried to turn down that friendship.
Thank you, Dad,
Clara Johnson
—–
Letter to Jim Jones from Clara Johnson, August 1978
EE-2-k-10h – 10i
8-2-78
Dad,
Tom [Thomas William Johnson] started living with another woman in 1969. He was still living with her when I left LA in March 1978. Until I left, I got everything I could from him. He probably was crazy enough to think I still wanted him. He visited the Temple when I was there and never missed one week giving money. He spent over 20 years in the Army so the children did not spend that much time with him. They never forgave Tom for living with Almeter. The girls were here for about 3 months before I told him. They were also in Redwood Valley for several months before I told him. In the past, he has seen relatively positive. I feel that I made a mistake by letting the Medlocks know too much. I’m sure by now they’ve told Tom a lot of things that have made him angry & look like a fool. They were aware of how I’ve lied to him & used him & etc. Thomas was stupid enough to think I was a sweet Christian woman or something. We spent a lot of time together. He was also of the impression that I would return in 2 months. Okay whenever I called him & I could get him to do almost anything for me! He is living with another woman & I can understand how he thought I would be returning to him. If he had really cared for me, he wouldn’t have been with Almeter. I’ve always know that Tom was more interested in me (for selfish reasons) than his children. I may be able to convince him to leave the Medlocks alone. May I call him & tried to find out what is on his mind? All of this is making me disgustingly sick, sick, sick. The Medlocks told everyone that the people over here were in slavery & cannot return to the states. I’m so tired of all those people – I guess Charlie Turner, Syola’s husband will be next.
Clara L. Johnson
—–
Undated Letter to Jim Jones from Christine Lucientes
EE-2-k-11
To: JJ
Fr: CRL [Christine Lucientes]
A PROBLEM
Let me begin with a simple clarification; this note is not intended to provoke a response of reassurance in any form. In fact, I would be eternally grateful if I’m ignored from here on out go to the trouble I foresee. Anyone who approaches me in the near future will be immediately suspect. This note is inspired out of an admission of ambivalence, guilt, confusion and concern.
As you may know, I am not really close to many people. In the past I used to talk to Ron Talley and I have been friends with Patricia [Cartmell] out of necessity, the need to escape and habit. Please keep in mind that as alienated as I am I get nothing on the reporting PJ, believe me. It is very hard to do.
I feel that PJ is quite negative about J/T structure, I am too and I am inclined to share her views and see them as benign. However I felt responsible for two reasons. 1) she is out in the community. 2) more than anything – I interpreted that she deliberately attempted to be divisive and alienate me from you by telling me things that people had said about me. It didn’t make me hostile to them, tho she doesn’t realize it, it may be hostile to her. She has always asked me if I have heard anything negative about her – present or past and I would not shake her confidence by saying such things and I never have. She also told me that Guyanese will never trust us and we will never be accepted and we are not liked. (I can see this, tho in the total picture of the situation ou conversation the comment took on more negative connotations).
After she talked to me in a negative way about JT she begged me not to tell – she said that she would kill herself if I did. I assured her that I would not. The worst thing that I told her wasn’t after Debbie [Blakey] left you told me that Lew [Jones] and I are responsible for Debbie’s treason because we had stolen. I told PJ that I was not the one that had told her. I also told her that I was very upset when you thought I had told DB that it was a prison camp here.
I know what you think of me and I’d just as soon be dead than not. I hope this doesn’t hit the floor. I know people don’t like me and I don’t think I can live without some image. Manipulative? I think it is true anyway.
—–
Undated Letter to Jim Jones from Christine Lucientes
EE-2-k-12
Mary Lou [Clancey], Mike Prokes, or whomever
Please relay info to Jim that I had no intentions of demanding to talk to him. I really didn’t. I was upset because all I have is my image and it is totally gone. I committed myself to not talking to PJ or Ron anymore and all of a sudden I felt overwhelmed because I have an unusual need to express myself. I didn’t feel I could cope with my feelings without giving them some vent. After I went to the radio room and expressed this – it was all over. I was ready to go to bed. KL [Karen Layton] insisted that I go to SCU [Special Care Unit] to “sleep it off.” I resisted because I felt I would be made into a drugged zombie. I was promised it would be for one night. When I got up for a shower, I wanted to sit on the front porch which agitated the nurse who assisted I was to be on bed rest. I went by the radio room & told Mike who told me to go to KL’s house and talk to her. I was not trying to escape at all and I do not intend to. I am sorry 2 security are on me because I am doing nothing.
Mary Lou – could you bring my toothbrush & brush?
CRL [Christine Lucientes]
—–
Undated Letter to Jim Jones from Tish Leroy
EE-2-k-13
Dad – am writing you a major memo on Gene Chaikin and others through this early period … Gene’s connection and close alliance with Deanna [Mertle] … his being the only one to know contents of my file cabinet that disappeared from his front porch during a PC meeting next door at his house within week after he found out about the contents … no one else knew what was in it … ENTIRE CABINET AND CONTENTS STOLEN … I had wanted it inside, but he hadn’t gotten it moved in … and more … but have not had time to get it all written. Maybe just be my paranoia but I’m not really inclined to think so on careful reflection … certainly there is a lot of circumstantial evidence… Do not know if time will permit finishing it before service since I’ve several things to do, but if not will stay up after service till it is completed. Will walk it in if you are still there. Or send to you via Johnny [Jones] … or Carolyn [Layton]. – Tish [Leroy]
—–
Undated Letter to Jim Jones from Tish Leroy
EE-2-k-14
Dear Dad:
It was so sad to hear you have been through so much grief while we were in town, and about Suzanne [Jones Cartmell] – the pain must at times be almost unendurable for you. All that we here can do is to try harder to be better socialists to make up a little for all of this.
There were many irregularities that need correcting in town, and have in mind detailed reports. Could not get to these today for having to redo the purchasing records … but will get on it first thing tomorrow…
I will propose recommendations on every issue, and it will require some time to get them corrected – saw nothing that cannot be fixed at this point.
Maria [Katsaris] mentioned the Hal Jacques commentary that he would accept a Jonestown article by me … for the Enquirer … she said she had just assigned it to Dick Tropp … only thing is that Hal would have said this with particular thought in mind about me since he has known me for many years and usually printed everything I wrote for him without any changes… He knows and likes my writing style and it has the human interest flair he likes … so this should be considered in assigning this – I would be surprised if Hal did not recognize my style, or the lack of it in an article … might be okay, but might not so thought I had best advise. He studied my writings at length before ever even contacting me the first time … the last time I saw him said he had no other psychic or astrologer with my batting average and was confident in anything I wrote him… Please advise on what you think about this.
I really think you would be safe in having Hal come into Jonestown and DO AN INTERVIEW… AND take pix of the place… He is a Jewish-Christian so to speak, though doesn’t go to church … who believes in “a” God … and is liberal and basically likes the little people of the world… He has a lot of tenderness for goodness when he sees it…
Please respond on this so that I know you have read it at least… I am doing two other articles to send Hal – he gets paid something for them and I will utilize the publicity under the Hedry Taylor name, assuming you will not want the Tish Leroy – astrologer – linked with Temple at this time ?? though am not sure on that … you have not really said.
I got letter off to Horoscope Magazine into the valley publisher, both using the Hedry Taylor name, while I was in Gtown … sent with Jean Brown … am doing some other articles. Would like to bring in some money for the cause since you said it was there thru my writings of astro material … a tremendous line of it, you said … by revelation last December…
Love, Tish
—–
Undated Thank You to Jim Jones from Zuretti Langston
EE-2-k-15
Dad there is no words to express the love, you give to all of us. I can say thank you again and again, and that’s still not enough. But I’ll say it again. Thank you Dad for saving Marianita [Langston] life again.
Zuretti Langston
—–
Memo to Jim Jones from Tish Leroy, September 1978
EE-2-k-17a
Memorandum to Dad
13 September 78 Wed. a.m.
After [Joe] Mazor and Gary [Charles Garry] left…
We went over the affidavits with Gary this morning and then I walked next door to talk to Mazor, to drop on him the “factor” of having heard from someone in the Home Affairs Ministry that they needed more funding for their border security and that it would be helpful to them to have some documented incidents…
He said that he could easily do that, then I saw he was reflecting on the “means” of doing it – “Well, I will have to see what I can do…” he said. He said he is an touchy spot with the Embassy on this, but thinks he can broach them on what he can release to us unofficially, and then we can pass it on the same way – carefully and to the right people… He will see what he can do when he gets back to Gtn.
Said he’d return in about 90 days and go over things with me… and he was sure I would be in a position to see more as I went back through the records… and of course he is correct on that… I will see a lot more… My records are very complete but don’t know how I will find them unless I somehow am granted some space… Possibly with some of the incoming lumber in next couple of months they could build another cottage out here and let accounting take it over “temporarily“… We have literally thousands of files to set up to find this stuff…
To keep the CIA or anyone else from going through my records [Inserted note: “none of it is ‘together'”] with any possible comprehension, I personally took all of my records OUT OF THE FILE FOLDERS and put each folder of stuff in opaque plastic bags without labels… So first the stuff must be put in blank folders and labeled, then sorted by department and category – because I deliberately mixed up the folders before I started filling the plastic bags… and I alone could sort out the mess. While it lay the responsibility on me alone to put it back together I figured that if something happened to me the temple would be better off if they just claimed the record were all lost in transit rather than chance someone’s trying to explain them that might tell the wrong shred of truth at the wrong time… There is one large crate of stuff [Marginal addition: “a full shipping crate”], a huge trunk and maybe 6 duffel bags of files and records to be gone through and put back into folders… this was about 10 file cabinets full of stuff in SF. The job of putting it back together is at least one month working with one other person as I instruct them what to do, folder by folder… So “if” we wanted to reconstruct, I can very likely do it… but will try later to carefully assess for you the pros and cons of this… I think we will have to do it at least to know what we can find to see if it can be used without endangering our own selves…
Sandy worked with me stateside on Apostolic, and the advantage of working with her on it was that she never really knew enough bookkeeping to know what she was doing, and I never explained the why’s of anything to her so she’d have a hard time testifying as to just what was done… certainly I totally phonied the records – but used actual figures and in all instances tied into the bank deposits and checks and cash paid out… month by month… gradually wiping out every damned cent down to a couple of hundred in net tax we owed… Fortunately I started to brag on that to Debbie [Blakey] and must have been your mind that stopped me because I shut my mouth and realized I just should not chance telling any person, and so I never even really told Sandy… she knew a little… Maria I think I told the most… but if you put evidence against Maria [Katsaris] in front of my face, I’d call it a forgery – you’d not convince me against her… Maria is one of the people here I am deeply fond of: she’s a lovely, human person. I trust Carolyn [Layton] but have some problems
—–
EE-2-k-17b
getting along with her at times. Certainly Maria and I have had problems, but I would probably forgive her anything… I recognize that as probably not good – as a socialist, but I’m aware of it.
Joe Mazor seemed to be doing it whitewash job on the CIA IMAGE and the US image with us…
After they left … and I should say when they left, it had begun raining again, and I’d forgotten in my morning stupor to bring with me my usual piece of plastic I carry… Gene [Chaikin] said he was going to wait till the rain stopped since he didn’t have a raincoat either… so I waited with him… for about 10-15 minutes (then it began occurring to me that it did not look well for his new companion, and undoubtedly she might hear of it and cause her to wonder… I don’t really think she’d worry about me, but I’m not sure of that, either… so just thought rain or no I’d better get back to my cottage right away. So many incline to jealousy and it is such a damnably painful thing for all – it was thoughtless to have stayed there to start with and I was immediately sorry when it occurred to me… Gene and I have spent too many hours alone working together, and fighting with each other – and we hedge constantly, and [I] am sure he mistrusts me as intensely as I mistrust him; and am further sure he has to hate my guts at some level since I have nailed him so hard and so many times… Certainly there is an aspect of me that hates him vigorously on one level, while I enjoy his mind at another – yet completely mistrust him. MIND IS A PHENOMENON… tt is a lonely jungle… beautiful, dangerous and you never really know what you are encountering when two minds chance to meet along life’s way until you explore and test out the minds for human qualities so often lacking.
Anyway, Gene mentioned almost immediately that Mazor had implied that we were definitely infiltrated – I did not start this issue, he began the discussion after turning on the music tape on the player…
“But what could the infiltrator do… inform on us?” he said. (And I went along with his discussion to see where we were going…) I said, yes… “they can just set up a person outside here at the edge of jungle and hear on our loudspeaker almost every blessed thing happening in town…” He agreed, and said, Joe said in effect that “so we were infiltrated” – if we found that person, they would just send in another… that we have been infiltrated for a long time…”
We discussed the affidavits briefly and I told him to change the language… no reason for me to have to be involved with “his” job on that… he agreed. Gary wants more formal legal jargon in it, more non-essential thats and therefores and wherefores … and bullshit … so let Chaikin do that, I can but don’t inclined to bother, and told him so – he agreed.
And he was summarizing “me” at some point, I don’t recall how he wove it in – and said (as he was writing at the top of my affidavit) my age, and as he was quoting my various talents and professions he jested and added “astrologer and possible former agent…” and kept on talking knowing full well I’d never miss what he was saying – we read each other very clearly and always catch each other’s puns… Which clued me as to the groundwork that might have been laid against me in the past … and the reason for using the other ploy I mentioned in the memos of yesterday… His great weakness is that he so greatly overestimates his own intelligence… am sure it is one of mine also… a weakness, that is… but I don’t think I usually think I am smarter than everyone else – in some areas, yes… but in others I know I am not… I don’t think the thought ever occurs to Gene that he has areas where he is not smarter than others around him.
—–
EE-2-k-17c
Yet, I noticed that some people get sick all the time… or at certain times – and I don’t think they can cross your mind without getting sick… and I do watch those that go down. I know of my own knowledge that the only times I get sick are in periods of inner rebellion… as long as I keep my head in constructive relation to you – I overcome all obstacles and my health is excellent… thanks obviously to you… However, I don’t conclude that all ill health and rebellion are due to treason or being an agent – rather, more inclined to feel they are unable to handle the stress of the structure for one or another reason; that is usually my problem when I am having problems.
In talking with Jack Beam a little later in the morning… we Mentioned some interesting conclusions on which we agreed… Jack and I…
That Mazor is obviously covering the CIA IMAGE here in Guyana; that he and Stoen “both” are soldiers of fortune… and have some things in common…
I know from Dennis that there are certain traits necessary for a successful agent: 1) that they are usually always atheistic, if any good – because in fact they can have no morals … if any good as an “agent,” that is…
2) They are dangerous to the limit of their “ethics,” and to the extent of their “humane” qualities… if the latter, they are likely to be stricken by conscience and turn on the government [Marginal note addition: “so become the fall guys –”]
3) They are all poorly paid – but have many contacts that open big money deals to them… they all rip off and whitemail [blackmail] their contacts… This keeps them in the position of going to jail for any one of a thousand offenses… and it is always kept hanging over their heads… From the start, the CIA has “something on them…” or frames them in some way… thereafter it is like the prostitute: it has been determined what they are and it then becomes a matter of dickering for price… For while a whore is a sexual prostitute, the “agent” is a human prostitute – prostituting their ethics and human dignity… and ideals. [Marginal note: “Dennis said $1000 mo is or was then 66-71 high pay – (+ expenses”)]
The government sent in 8 CIA agents on me as astrological clients during time Dennis was in prison, and he told me that I had pegged every one of them and it had astounded them… That is not hard to do if they come to me for a reading… I recall the hair stood up on the arms of one of them when I said to him bluntly as I looked up at him from the chart and back down to it where I saw the hair literally go upright on his arms… “Hmm…” I said… “I see you’re another CIA agent… you’ve been in two years, they blackmailed you, and in another two years they’ll kill you…” He admitted to being a killer for them when I told him he was… He had been the boyfriend of one of my clients of long standing before I had never met Dennis… so it would not have been likely for me to suspect him… But there was something about him that felt so evil that my own body actually physically reacted as he came through my door… I would never read for him again. His paid job was salesman for a car agency down on Wilshire Boulevard and many large sales and commissions were “arranged” for him… He was given names of people he was to kill, and he would find them and kill them… Dennis later told me that they had been shaken with that one. Dennis had friends that told him what went on with me – not all of the agents “like” the government, but are all whitemailed so must do the bidding “apparently…”
4) The point to all of this, and the conclusion I would make being that the stealing by Stoen would be incidental… that even the stock deals could be arranged for him to make his profits…
—–
EE-2-k-17d
I don’t think he was knowledgeable enough to make his own investments: I did not find that he was terribly knowledgeable on the market… it would be more likely that he would invest in sure things… and I think Mazor’s suggestion of the South American investment in Venezuela might be very logical…
You will recall that when Carolyn ended up in jail, it was Stoen that had engineered the idea to send to her… You said on returning, you had been away and came late into the PC meeting in lower room of the SF Temple before it was reconstructed… It was very soon after we had gotten the Temple… “whose idea was this… I would have never made this selection or had her go this way…” and Tim spoke up and said it was his idea… and Later, your intuition proved correct… for she was incarcerated before she returned.
My personal conclusion is that Stoen was, and is an agent… and that he is the logical and expendable one… that there is a “logical” pattern of theft that can be pointed to… just as they used the trail-of-crime of [Lee Harvey] Oswald and the others set up in the Parallax View … for the fall guy…
So, if they have a fall guy set up – what are they planning to cover units
It is their modus operandi to set up a cover for their greater crimes…
The agent(s) in here might will be harmless … but if not convinced of your paranormal qualities… and to save their own ass or to escape if they feel our structure is too heavy and they are in fact capitalistic instead of socialistic… then I would be concerned for an attempted kidnapping and assassination…
Am not convinced that even Mazor would necessarily know he is being used… because “con artists” are just as easily conned… for every good one, a better one comes along to become their Waterloo…
Mazor’s conclusion of the “number” of Amerindians and projected numbers up to 16,000 from surrounding areas – that he threw out, and our non-rejection of his statement causing him to conclude, as he stated, that he was right… his own Achilles’ heel showing there because he bragged to us of his having just “wanted confirmation” of what he suspected… I think we should have played more heavily to his ego… though perhaps that was done… I know you usually do that to an incredible degree with all the idiots that come in here and who obviously grossly underestimate you…
So, seeing Stoen being set up as fall guy… I am more concerned than ever about the agent that is in here… for If the person is in fact without conscience or fear of the “beyond…” then that person will respond to the threat used on them at the time it is demanded they do it… nor would they necessarily know… Mazor said it. They could just walk down the road, meet someone from the bush and tell them or be told something and go back to their work, and no one would ever know… until they carried out their instruction… nor would they necessarily have to know if there were two of them in here… it would even be wise to give each instructions that could look relatively harmless, but combined could be deadly or a “part” of a major plan to either kill and/or kidnap… by yet a third party or a group brought in at some hour of the night externally… through a security network they could even construct… for us… with equipment they could shut on and off with her own electronic control devices!!! How ingenious they could plan it… Nor would the fool-agent have to know they were the one pulling the trigger until too late… the trigger not necessarily being literal…
Tish
—–
Letter of Concern to Jim Jones from Daisy Lee, October 1978
EE-2-k-18a – 18b
Oct. 1, 1978
To Jim:
As you already know that I work with the doctor every Sunday. Today Larry [Schacht] was frustrated. He stated that he did not want to see any patients today he was tired of people mainly medical people are seeking him for medical advice. He said he wish he could leave medicine for a month and go do some physical work. I don’t know if what I said to him is right. I told him that he is talking himself down – that he is a good doctor & has helped many people. I told him to look at the positive side. Then he agreed with me – smiled.
I also told [him] he is the only doctor here. And no one knows it better than he does. Then he talked down on himself that almost anyone can do this work. I said no he is a very good doctor, considering also he didn’t go through internship. And he has done a lot of good work.
I would like to say that I am very fortunate to be here as well as all of us. Because working with the doctor I see that the people from Port Kaituma who come for medical treatment have all kinds of problems such as vitamin deficiency, worms in the stool & etc. Today a couple & one man came to get treatment for gonorrhea. I & we should be more grateful that I don’t have these problems. Also every baby born there and all our children are in good health & none of our babies is born deformed. We also should be grateful to that. I must admit that I should be more grateful. I guess I have too much given to me here. An old saying you will not realize what good you have until it’s gone. Working on Sundays treating people from outside opens my eyes to see the goodness we have here. Especially all the very best extensive instruments you brought for the medical dept to detect every disease. I get into tears every time I look in the office & see all the equipment you provided us & I can see your love for us. Thank you.
Thank you Jim,
Daisy [Lee]
—–
Memo to Jim Jones from Carolyn Looman on USSR, September 1978
EE-2-k-19a
To: Jim
From: Carolyn Looman
Re: USSR
Date: September 13 [1978]
It’s my observation that black members of our community are very reserved on the subject of going to the USSR. Remembering the reactions during white nights of the past, when they expressed concern about the absence of blacks in the USSR, I’ve made comments about the Russian films and the possibility of going there, to see how our black people would react. With only one or two exceptions on the teaching staff, all have been totally non-committal even about the films. I suspect that there is a deep concern about going into another white culture. During the white nights, the USSR was always the least popular alternative among the other major places considered for refuge, despite its obvious ability to give us better protection.
For myself, I grow more and more keen about the possibility of our going there. Though my initial reaction was to cling to Guyana unless our children’s survival became a near impossibility here, I now think it would be far better for you (and us) to know our people were in a relatively safe spot. Then you would have freedom to do many other things with somewhat less anxiety, I would hope. The Soviet environment and its resources would be conducive to the pursuit of greater accomplishments and, with the training we get from you, our young people could become effective in world humanitarian service/revolutionary struggle/socialist living on a scale that would be much harder to achieve from a Guyana base. At least, this is my perspective, and my feelings are strong enough that I wanted to express them.
Whether the USSR is viewed as an advantageous alternative, a possible alternative, or a sheer necessity, I think a good deal of propagandizing would be advisable to penetrate the reservations so many of our people seem to feel. Perhaps an emphasis on how much the Russians would appreciate our black presence and culture would help; also it’s notable that they have respected the Africans so much that they have never occupied African soil or dominated African politics in any way. Also, Pushkin, the most loved of Russian poets, was descended from an African. Probably, too, simultaneous emphasis on the richness of African culture/history/accomplishments should be continued, so there is never an implication that the African heritage is in any way meager, and it would go with us wherever we might go. Finally, continuing reinforcement regarding the advanced level of the socialist consciousness may alleviate the insecurity that attaches to the race issue.
—–
Undated Memo to Jim Jones from Unknown Author on Education
EE-2-k-19b
[Handwritten note at top of page: “(written before your communication with Tom [Grubbs] re teacher presentation)”]
About Children:
I propose a community education program designed to erode some of the adult patterns that continue to hold our children back. Over all, our children are making substantial progress. They are far more expressive, more self-confident, and more secure than they were a year ago. And much better informed. But we still see them impeded in their growth by the following:
- poor adult examples
- adults tend to speak to them only to criticize, and that is done in a destructive way rather than a supportive one
- there is still very little affection (non-demanding) shown to children of elementary age for higher except by a small percentage of adults
- adults seldom listen to children to show that they value their thoughts
- children are usually expected to do what adults want to do and are seldom allowed to pick the activity that adults will share with them
- much abusive language is used, and there is still a good deal of exploitation of children without appreciation for what they have done
- adults generally have little awareness of or patience for children’s need to learn; they are expected to know everything and have everything under control even more than the adults themselves do.
I know it will take a ‘while longer’ to reverse some of these patterns. After a year of working with the children I’m still guilty of every one of these errors, and more. But I think we can make a new start by having a series of short, non-accusatory sessions on child behavior in Peoples Forums or separate meetings, utilizing a panel of teachers and non-teachers, who can articulate in non-technical ways some of the dynamics we find in our adult-child relationships. A lot of the propaganda would be helpful, stressing the need for affection, positive reinforcement, letting children be right some of the time, letting them learn by making mistakes without being torn down by criticism, etc. etc. The big brother, big sister effort should be reinforced and even facilitated were necessary. Different devices to help adults begin looking at children’s behavior, instead of merely reacting to it could be used. Anyway, I know there are no quick panaceas, but I think some sort of program, put together by several interested persons, would be helpful.
—–
Request to Jim Jones from Daisy Lee, September 1978
EE-2-k-20a – 20b
Sept. 27, 1978
To Jim –
I, Daisy Lee, would like to be a barefoot doctor. Over a month now I’ve been working as Dr. [Larry] Schact’s assistant every Sunday. I must admit he is indeed a good teacher with patience to explain things to me. He has taught me a lot. Also a night when there is no mandatory of meeting or entertainment, I do treatment at the nurse’s office, plus I attend weekly nursing classes on Wednesday at 8:00 PM. I have quit teaching school and am now working in the apartment 1 in the morning & at work in stuffed animal project in the afternoon.
I have talked to Bob [Stroud] on the radio. I [am] grateful to you that he is doing better each day. I want you to know that in one of his letters he wrote me, he stated that “I will never forget this miracle!” & “Never will I be able to pay him back – I’m grateful!”
Also I’ve been in Jonestown a yr now on Sept 11th. I’ve seen more beauty, cooperation, caring, sharing, happiness & etc. than I thought before I came here. To say the least my health is 100% better here. I have been given opportunities to experience in the medical field – teaching dept – making dolls – procuring – going down the river – learning different languages – eating different kinds of food & etc. This may not sound meaningful but it sure means something to me because if it weren’t for you, never will I be given such an opportunity to experience in so many fields. All I want to thank you for everything. I am very happy here. If I were still back in the states, I would never be as happy & satisfied with my life now (meaning now I have a duty with my life to build up a communist society as we do now & hopefully in the near future we will be able to help others). I know US is getting worst each day from what you’re telling us but also [there is] nothing there. Yesterday I received a letter [from] my best friend back in the states: she tells me she couldn’t get a job part time & a summer job. She just goes to movies & shopping & spends time at her sister’s house, babysitting & go to college. She stated that her summer could have been better if you had a job. No doubt her life is empty. My life was just like hers before I knew you. I have so much to be grateful for to be here.
Thank you Jim
PS Sorry for the writing.
Please excuse me for not saying anything to you at times when I walk by because I see you’re quite busy I don’t want to disturb you.
—–
Memo to Jim Jones from Tish Leroy, September 1978
EE-2-k-22a
10 September 78
Dear Jim:
I don’t know how important this will be, but on recollecting events this morning about TOS [Timothy Stoen], I was recalling that Grace [Stoen] and I signed on the PT payroll account.
We did a lot of changes at one point on accounts and you put me on that signatory on all accounts but Eva’s [Pugh]. This took place outside your parsonage in [Redwood] Valley in late summer time – just after someone had left, don’t recall who, but I was so touched by the trust that I push myself terribly hard through that period.
On 15 March 76 I came to LA after Jane left in Feb.… Not long after that you and Tim Stoen took an air trip to East Coast… and Mike Cartmell took a special course in Wash. on investigative techniques… On this trip or at this time Tim met someone with contacts to give “us” information from CIA files on all of our people if we could give him the names and birth dates of them all … and unfortunately, I was most efficient… I did collect them and turned them over. I recall later in SF…
In the upstairs, 3rd floor hall in SF… I encountered you en route downstairs to your apartment; I stopped you and told you why I thought Tim Stoen was “at the time” a CIA Agent… and you told me he had done something on the trip you have just returned from that assured you he was not an agent… I don’t know on retrospect if you referred to the Roseberg incident or something else because I have no recollection of a time-tied to Roseberg, though it somehow seems to have been earlier while I was still in the valley… I recall the trip to LA where I had the feeling you hadf returned to the buses during the night en route or some such…
At the time I told you I thought also that Terri Buford might be an agent and reminded you of what I had early reported of the time when she first came to the SF Temple, when one Sunday we had first gotten up and someone spoke and it awakened Terri who sprang to her feet – silent, frightened and looking about as though not knowing her whereabouts and as though she had something to hide… I understand she had come from some very peculiar circumstances – but it had seemed almost as if she was trained to silence… Who assured me I could not be more wrong on both. Thereafter I trusted Tim in spite of my reservations because you had said to. I feel terrible guilt about still holding my feelings that Terri might be an agent, though I personally like her very very much and wish I could dismiss my apprehensions which just don’t go away…
I also told you at the time you put David Wise in as LA minister that I thought both he and Don Davis were agents and at that time gave you my logic for the accusation…
After you return from that trip with Tim you had changed toward me unbelievably. You had in the Valley (at the time of recording the Cudjoe with Maritime Commission) in a PC meeting with all present including Tim Stoeninstructed me to be the new PT Secretary, “Corporate Secretary” with the term you used… I was instructed to prepare a notarized resolution which I carried with me along with the papers for the boat to the Maritime Commission in SF – where you will recall on leaving I saw a former CIA agent I recognized (head of field CIA in LA when Dennis [was] there), very tall, blonde, athletic looking man I had seen 3 times before –) and as I exited the rotating door, a man parked at the front of the bldg raised his camera and snapped my picture, and the man at the wheel probably drove off… They knew I was coming and certainly have it well recorded as I reported to you at the time. [Maxine] Swaney was the retiring secretary and you wanted her off anyway so I was the choice you made! (I was later to hear you deny ever having made the appointment… as I mention later in its proper time sequence…)
My first intense knowledge of your change of attitude toward me came when we had to change bank accounts when Grace left… Because of your previous wish that I be on “all” accounts, and not having realized your change of heart, I included my name on the list of the accounts I was already signing on… I recall your facial expression: you were obviously upset with me and thought me presumptuous apparently and you said that you had never ordered any person to be on more than one account but Eva… and at the time Maria [Katsaris] was on several I knew of… I never contradicted you on these things because I was of the opinion that you already knew the real facts that were staging as I have seen you do in so many instances when you think other than a factual presentation will better serve the cause, which is okay…
—–
EE-2-k-22b
At the time you voiced your antagonism over including my names on the various accounts… etc. … indicating much distrust of me to the entire planning commission and you stated that Maria, Buford, and Carolyn [Layton] and Eva were the only ones you really trusted in money matters and the others could take it or leave it but that was your gut feeling… A physical slap in the face could not have made a deeper mark… it was very hard to work for a while, but I persisted.
Thereafter others attitudes towards me changed – Tim, and you and Gene [Chaikin] began having private meetings upstairs… I was called into one of them where you said, in what at the time I immediately concluded was a staged performance for my benefit (a pattern I had seen you do many times before for others benefit…): you said something to the effect that “no one but Eva had ever been secretary or treasurer and that all other names should be off the record and should never have been included…” I was betrayed and stripped of all trust and was torn between silence which would have resulted in your leaving me entirely off the records and set someone up for perjury charges should [the] issue ever arise … because of the notarized affidavit in Maritime office, listing me as corporate secretary and the document with police commission in SF on the SF thrift shop Bev had on Divisadero, listing me as corporate secretary originally… later put Anita in the second year… after I had been taken off… in another PC manipulation meeting.
If ever I was going to leave the church, I would have then… I was moved to silence and treason at that point – but instead, realizing it would hurt you in the cause which I knew to be real regardless of my own personal dumping… I told Chaikin the facts and he listed me as an assistant secretary in the minutes, which in my mind was still a mistake – but is at least listing me on the records. At some point thru this time it was decided I was not to be trusted and that I would steal from you – Chaikin was always making pointed statements to me that “at least Maria would not steal, though she didn’t know much and mistakes had cost the church a fortune…” If he said once he said it fifty times to the point I was positive something of this sort have been said about me… When in fact the only goof I made in money was in messing up the petty cash account where it was off a few dollars and I put my allowance in for 6 months to be sure it was triple covered [Marginal note added: “& I wrote you about it – which was perhaps a mistake –”] … I feel so badly to have goofed in this trust. Truly with my knowledge of banking, bookkeeping, etc., I could have robbed a lot from you – but for what my life was here – I have never kept money when I was making it… gave most of it away… and long since gotten over the clothes-horse days of my early youth…
I thought at the time someone must have told you lies about me and wondered at the time if the CIA had not set this up fearful that Dennis might still be in touch with me, and knowing of the US plates, numbering machine and US paper enough to make $350 billion, still hidden somewhere in California by Dennis… there to this day, probably… Circumstances alone would have necessitated their following me… and trying to discredit me… I recall when I was moved out of publications and Deanna [Mertle] was moved in, telling you then I thought she was an agent and that the CIA didn’t want me in publications because apprehension over the printing presses… You thought I was being vindictive over the loss of position… just as you did when I tried to warn you of why I hadwanted Debbie [Blakey] out of accounting… when you put her in the upstairs…
Ironically, in the publications incident, I was working 16 hours a day and was ready to take in outside business – at time, day Helen chanced by, had worked until 7 AM and was asleep and just getting up at 11:30 and letting others sleep another hour and she reported us all goofing off… I have never goofed off from my very first day at PT, and don’t stop for more than few hours even when I am sick… which is rarely… I was never allowed to explain that in the PC meeting–
I recall your tapping me on the shoulder en route to that PC where I was first mutilated and stripped of all trusts and status, and you had said outside the door before entry: “Trust me.” – and I had decided to, in spite of what I then felt. And then when [the] incident came up in SF over the checking accounts – this compounded the first situation, and to this date – my image never recovered…
—–
EE-2-k-22c
But, I recovered and licked my wounds – and took up the next best thing I could do – my image became secondary… and it was hard to be effective around the disrespect this had prompted…
I recall the one meeting when Deanna later admitted having told a lot of lies on me – you were absent. AJ [Archie Ijames] had openly accused her of it, and she admitted it … that she had just rankly lied on me to get me out of her way… There was no reprisal and she got off scott free for it. That had to leave her quite confident. And she would have pulled off a lot of shit if I had not been constantly on her ass and watching her accounts.
My only reason for mentioning all of this now is that if Tim Stoen at that time came out with some “hidden” input on me causing you to think I would steal or forge checks or some such… (and believe me I am clever enough not to have to forge a check if I “wanted” to steal from you… I could have put through thousands and no one could have known because I do know how to manipulate those books!!! or I could have forged signatures and since I balanced the accounts none would ever have been able to detect it… and I am an excellent forger which I learned in my earliest law office days in a Los Angeles working for Carol Warner, Atty.) – but again, for what reason… I didn’t have to stay at PT and with my skills I can easily support myself any time and any place and am capable of living by my wits as I proved to the CIA for 8 years in spite of their war against me… certainly bearing in mind that indeed you kept me alive and my children through that time… certainly I never for a moment forget you and the total sacrifice that makes this cause possible… so while I weep inside over the mistrust, I am forced to forgive and go on because of the sacrifice I see you make daily… it no longer matters to me… I just am resolved to help where I can… when I can and accept what I’m not permitted to do…
I have never totally recuperated from the unjustified mistrust and it seemed ironic to me that I was the one entrusted with saving us from the Apostolic tax situation – in fact, I figured out that I was responsible for bringing into or saving the church between 500,000 and 750,000 dollars… at one point or another because of my efforts – so I know that my work has not been in vain and with this I know that the “recorder” in consciousness has vindicated my efforts so eventually your mind will know this is true… I don’t know at what point in time.
I don’t know the total shit stacked in your mind against me, but it has greatly reduced what I could have done for this cause organizationally, and whether or not it ever gets recognized, my efforts are an indelible part of all of the structure we have existing… [Interlinear insertion: “[illegible] two words for Bob Denton after my divorce – and”] I always wondered if Bob Denton whitelisted [blacklisted] me… He hated me because I had been his sweetheart and left him – not even for another man, but because I was having terrible nightmares [Interlinear insertion: “two people, he did things I felt were literally ‘evil’”] while I was fucking him… and I told him about it and that I had to stop… I stayed with him another 3 1/2 years but he never recuperated my leaving him… He owed me over $5000 and when [the] statute of limitations ran out for me to collect, he sued me for $1600 he said I owed him. John Frolich knew the facts and dismissed Bob as a client for this incident though Bob had been his client for over 20 years… Bob is [the] reason Dennis ended up in prison – a report he (Bob) gave Secret Service on me…
Anyway it was all a very painful period to recall… I have never been able to fight the enemy that never publicly confronted me with the charges… but apparently gave you input silently and behind my back… The wound stays open and deep because the mistrust still exists… And it long since is forgiven on my part… my own importance is very minor in the consequence of communism which must be born of this movement alone, and directly and solely attributable to you and your own sacrifice… Communism and the “mystery” of the magnificent Neptune that somehow guides it along its course is not something that history can block… I am sure it is as inevitable as the sun staying on its course… and I want desperately to do every possible thing to speed it along, and lift the burdens of this weary and pain ridden planet so that we can all get off of here the sooner…
—–
EE-2-k-22d
In spite of much personal frustration, I am happier here than I can ever remember being in all of my entire life… and I can say that with deep conviction and most sincerely. My only real grief here is the pain you endure which I feel dietary correction would greatly reduce – but because I am not medically licensed my learning in this regard is given no credence, so I give a little input here and there when I can interject it without too much rejection resulting.
I thank you most deeply and sincerely for Jonestown and for the – personal satisfactions you have allowed me… all tied in such mystery that I can never understand it all… I feel guilt for my feelings, and I worry and wonder at what is right, – that what should and should not be… but in spite of all of this the deep satisfaction of our life here is completely worth it all, and I love Jonestown, and what we have here as a family – and it makes up for everything and for every tear that has ever streaked my face, Jim: this is worth a lifetime and if we all die tomorrow, we have had more than any people ever to inhabit the earth – and it is all because of you, Jim… and I thank you for it.
In deepest love that is ridden with much guilt and wonder… I remain,
/s/ Tish
Tish
I don’t think we will abandon Jonestown – though some may go to Russia for one reason or another and I am very excited about learning the language – and if we do go, will be fine as long as we can remain a family which is very important to me… and as long as you are with us, and not restricted from doing your world work which I feel is yet to come… and which I deeply hope to be a part of … I looked at your pain last night, you were so very ill… I don’t know what to do about it but feel terrible guilt every time I see you in pain: there has to be something we all can do to alleviate this terrible burden that is upon you. But for the magnificence of your person, sweet sweet soul so lonely and singular in time… I will never know how you endure. But thank you for the communism you are birthing.
[Handwritten Russian greeting of: “To your good health, comrade…”
In deepest love,
Tish
P.S. When I don’t feel ready for a test doesn’t mean I haven’t listened – on every excellent plus I’ve gotten I have felt unprepared. I do listen & I see others listen – a lot more than the 6 who raised their hands – I remembered a lot when I started writing last night –